1098 – Trent Crimm: The Independent | Lulling With Lasso S1 E3

Episode 1098 – Trent Crimm: The Independent | Lulling With Lasso S1 E3

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who…I usually record these separately, but then I just started talking.  Is there a club called The Optimists?  Like, when you roll into a town, right, or you used to; you’d see…you got The Rotary Club, you got The Elks.  I’m pretty sure there’s The Optimists.  I could be wrong ‘cause I do have this…it could just be the Optometrists, but I really have never looked…I’ve said, did that just…?  This is the only investigation I’ve ever…did that say Optimists, too?  The Elks?  Other…I think those are social clubs.  So, is it a social club where you have to be optimistic to join or does it make you optimistic?  Well, here, quoting a song is an optimistic thought ‘cause I don’t even know what I’m talking about.  One day, I may look into that.  I could say that the podcast would probably slightly disqualify me from…but you know who’s an optimist, is Ted Lasso.  This episode will eventually be about that, because it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  Thanks for making it possible, patrons.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  We’re gonna do the rest.  What we’re going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts on your mind, things you’re thinking about about the past, the present, the future.  So thoughts, it could be feelings, anything coming up emotionally that you’re feeling.  It could be related to thoughts or it could be related to something else.  Could be feelings that are there, it could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine.

 

It could be a situation, it could be some…anticipation, travel.  You could have guests, temperature…oh, changes in time, temperature, routine.  Could be non-changes in temperature, or that humidity.  What about this; what about…you know, I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned barometric pressure before, because my knowledge of it is…but that’s a word that various sleep…barometric pressure.  You know what kind of pressure…you say Scoots, what’s the pressure you could handle?  I’d say, I’m pretty sure I could handle barometric pressure.  He crumbled under barometric pressure.  Not anything outside of the normal scale, either.  Turned out he was a weather…whatever that thing is.  People used to have those on their walls; that’s why…barometer’s falling, the bad weather may be calling.  I don’t know.

 

Or a rise in barometric pressure…I don’t know.  I’m trying to think of a word that rhymes with pressure that fits in there, but I’m doing this on the fly.  But oh, so whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of it and keep you company so that you could get to sleep.  So, if it is…I take…I can take your mind off of that.  It could be pressure related to…here’s…talk about things…here’s another…things that cause weather…or meteorologists or weather experts sleepless nights.  What is barometric pressure?  What is the pressure of barometric pressure?  What is barometric pressure pressure?  Okay, I didn’t…they didn’t tell me if that was actually correct, ‘cause it was imaginary.  Oh, so…okay, I’m gonna send my voice…how’s…how am I gonna do it?  How am I gonna help you fall asleep?

 

If you’re new, you may be asking that and you may be asking why.  Well, one thing I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, which means I’m gonna go off-topic, my voice is not traditionally soothing, but it’s not bad.  I’m gonna talk about something that you may consider nonsense, then I’ll double back, then I’ll forget what I was talking about, then I’ll go over there, then I’ll wonder…I’ll wonder why the barometric pressure went away, and some day my barometric pressure will come back today, or something.  Whatever it is; that kind of nonsense, expect it.  Why do I make the show, though?

 

If you’re new, that’s a totally…is a excellent question, a totally normal question that millions of people have asked when they’ve tuned into this show.  Why do I make the podcast?  One, because I’ve been there.  Obviously if I can talk about…I know…I say, I would have…barometric pressure…if I was…even if I…if they say hey, we got a great opportunity; it’s a fundraiser.  We just want you to come in, read off the teleprompter the weather, give Steve Paulson a hug, or Wayne Mahar, or whoever the weather…the weather…famous weather person is by you, and it’ll be no pressure at all.  First thing I would feel is pressure, and I’d say is that barometric pressure I’m feeling?  It’s barometrically related, somewhat.  So, I was gonna say I have barometric pressure, performance pressure, performance pressure anxiety.

 

Probably…you say, is that an extra…?  I say oh boy, is there extra pressure in there.  You’re right about that.  So, that’s why I make the show, because I’m up tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  I know how it feels in the deep, dark night.  I know it can feel lonely.  I know I can dread going to bed.  If I can help with that, it would be my honor.  It would really give me meaning being able to help you get some rest here in…and on a regular basis.  So, that’s one of the reasons I make the show.  The other reason I make the show is because I’ve been there, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  Did I say that?  I think I just had a hiccup, ‘cause I heard a noise, and so I…sorry about that.  I had to pause for a second, but you didn’t hear the pause.

 

Oh, but the…so, the other reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep.  I’m under barometric pressure, here.  So…barometric performance pressure pressure, as well as barometric pressure and other various pressures related to…they say, we want you to read this barometer.  I say well, I…you didn’t tell…you told me it was a teleprompter.  They say, bar…I don’t know anything…and I only know what I heard, and then I misremembered it, about barometric…I don’t know if it’s rising or falling, but I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I did.  Is there a Bowie song about that?  Okay, so…oh, so…the real reason I make the show is you.  You deserve a good night’s sleep, and I know how that feels when you can’t get that, and I really do believe that you deserve a place you could rest, a bedtime you could look forward to or at least feel neutral about and not dread.

 

To go one step further than that, not only do you deserve it, I think that if you get that rest you need, your life will be more manageable.  Ideally then, you’ll get…start getting the rest you need so much, either you’ll just barely listen to the podcast or you’ll move on from it, and you’ll be out there in the world, flourishing.  When your life’s more manageable or you’re flourishing, our world really is a better place to be in because your world’s a better place to be in.  That does have impact.  It may not impact the barometric pressure, but it could…I don’t know.  They say holy cow, there’s been a…there’s another Marvel movie that’ll…they say, we definitely need a flop, here.

 

I’d say okay, I got a plot about…I don’t have a plot yet, but I was thinking there’s some sort of disturbance in the barometric pressure in the universe, and those are the stakes.  The barometric pressure…this would be what they’d say when they say they have to…the barometric pressure on Earth may never be the same again.  That’s what the authority figure would say to the super…one of the superheroes or the leads.  They say I don’t know…they say well, what…well, we don’t know.  We’d be unparalleled.  They’d say okay, well, isn’t that…is the…isn’t barometric pressure always in flux?  They say, thanks for solving…thank you.  Alright, moving on to the sleep podcast I’m supposed to be doing.  So, you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

There’s a few other things you probably want to know about the podcast ‘cause it is very different.  If you’re new, this is what millions…over a million; I wouldn’t say millions, but over a million people have said it took two or three tries to get used to the podcast ‘cause it’s not for everybody, but it’s also very different.  So at first, it might not seem even for you, so give it a few tries.  We don’t gain anything.  We only gain when we have regular listeners that are engaged by falling asleep.  So, it’s nothing for me.  It’s just, give it a few tries to see if it works for you.  If it definitely doesn’t work for you or you’re already like dude, how many times can you say barometric pressure in a podcast intro?  I’d say well, let’s find out.  But you could check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.

 

That’s for people that definitely don’t like the show or are looking for something else.  It has other sleep podcasts, other sleepy audio on there.  So check that out, and…what else is there?  Oh, so…oh, what are the other strange things other than me, my personality…the style of the show.  This is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  It’s more here to be consumed passively or as background noise or as something you’re kinda listening to.  It’s not quite passive; it’s somewhere in-between.  So you’re like oh, I’m aware you’re talking and I’m kind of listening to you, but I’m not giving you my full attention.  Kinda like our co-workers; am I right?  Am I right, bar…can I get a barometric pressure in there?  We could raise…can we raise the barometric pressure in the room?  Now let’s bring it down.

 

Those of you that are interacting with your hands, I appreciate it.  Instead of raising the roof, we’re raising the barometric pressure.  Well, we’ll bring it down a little bit.  A little bit lower barometric pressure now, as one of the singers once said.  Okay, so…oh, what was…?  Oh, so this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  It also doesn’t put you to sleep.  I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, take your mind off of stuff, be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your bore-friend, your neigh-bore, your friend in the deep, dark night to keep you company while you fall asleep.

 

Or if you can’t sleep or if you need background noise the whole night long, you need a voice to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep, I’m here to the very end ‘cause there is a percentage of listeners who just can’t sleep or are having a really tough day.  I’ve been there, both those things, so I’m here for you whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening or not.  I’ll be here to the very end of the episode.  We’ll be talking Ted Lasso, Season 1.  So, those are two things to know.  The other thing that throws people off is the structure of the show, and the show is structured in a very specific way.  It starts off; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, then I say something silly.  That’s so you feel seen and welcome.  You say huh, I could check this podcast out.

 

Oh, it’s a little bit silly.  So, that’s the greeting.  Then there’s support so the podcast can be free with over…about 500 episodes for free to listen to whenever you want, or to choose from and say oh, these ones work better for me.  That’s because of the sponsors and the people that support the show that make that possible.  So, we do need that support to be here for free wherever you want to listen.  Then there’s support for listeners, and then there’s support for communities around the show.  Then there’s a intro.  Totally separate from the support, a show within a show, as you’ve already witnessed, ‘cause we…not that I ever remember talking about barometric pressure or barometers.  They say you know what?

 

Amazon will…I’m not kidding; this…I don’t like to take credit, but when there’s all this information out there, I can guarantee that Amazon…whenever this episode comes out, within a fifteen-day span, we’ll see a slight mathematical deviation in the purchase of barometers.  Because at least one or two people that are listening will purchase a barometer.  You know?  So if you do, send me a picture or send me your pictures with your barometers.  They’ll say, you know what?  Every other month we sold, whatever, 45,000 barometers within a 5% standard deviation.  This month, it was…the standard de…was like, 2% higher.  So, take that, Besos.  Take that barometer cash and use it for…hire one more weather person for your newspaper or something.  Put the barometer on the front page; that’s what I say, maybe.

 

But I don’t think you can, ‘cause it’d have to be digital.  I guess if it was a digital newspaper, you could have a live barometer on the home page.  Okay, so this is a pod…oh, structure of the show.  So, the intro goes on and on and on as the show within a show.  2% of people skip this intro.  It’s not part of the support, though.  It’s to introduce the podcast to new people, but for regular listeners, it’s their chance to wind down and have some distance between being awake and asleep, a transition.  For even more percentage of those people, they’re using it as part of their wind-down routine, whether they’re getting ready for bed or they’re in bed getting comfortable, or they’re doing some other relaxing activity while they listen.  That’s what’s been shown to work, is to ease into bedtime, and that’s what the intro does.

 

There is also a percentage of people that are asleep.  We’re happy for them, so happy we can’t clap ‘cause we don’t want to wake you up.  So, we’ll just kinda roll our eyes.  But really, we’re happy for you.  We have FOMO, you know.  So, that’s the intro, I guess.  As you become a regular listener, you say oh…some people, they stop listening to the intro or they skip it and then they listen and they go oh, I didn’t realize I was missing an entire adventure.  Adventures in barometer…adventures in baromity is what I wanted to say.  They say, is Scoots a come…is there comedy in Sleep…?  No; there’s more baromity.  It’s something…I don’t know.  What does that even mean?  I don’t even know.  He just said it; baromity.  He said it by…he thought it by accident and then said it on purpose.

 

So, that’s the intro, then between the intro and our story or our TV recap tonight of Ted Lasso will be support, again, so the show’s free twice a week.  Paying for it is totally optional.  If you do pay for it, you get ad-free episodes, but it’s optional ‘cause not everybody can do that.  Then there’s our recap of Ted Lasso.  That’ll be lulling.  Lulling learning with Lasso.  Even if you haven’t seen the show, oh boy, will it be sleepy.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show.  I’m really glad you’re here.  I really appreciate your time and you coming by, and I really hope I can help you get to sleep.  These are a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, Scoots here.  We’re talking Season 1, Episode 3, Trent Crimm Independent.  Let me see my notes here.  5:59; up before alarm.  Blinds open, watch on…very happy.  Tea on desk…news…nothing.  Breakfast at Higgins’…family of four boys.  Knock, knock.  Moody…knock, knock something.  Then we’ll check the dialogue.  Left in check…town three hours.  Up mentors…I don’t know what any of this is.  Up mentors…she takes these biscuits.  Ted’s joke on branding flops.  Catching the mics…Ted and Beard…Ted talks to surf ornament.  Offers stink…no way.  Catching the things…catching the mules?  Ted and Beard talk.  Ted talks to surf errant?  Offer size stink.

 

I don’t know, I think…’cause I remember the opening of the episode starts with the Rebecca sequence, and then I thought there was a thing where Ted didn’t sleep well, either.  Maybe that was the last episode.  I guess that was Episode 2, yeah.  Left in check…knock, knock.  So, Ted must go into her office.  I don’t know what the three hours are up…she takes those biscuits.  Ted’s joke…yeah, I don’t know.  So, moving on.  More of my notes…fixes her symbolic…roho gestures…Beard out all night.  Oh, one of us.  Our pocket…two pockets, three pockets.  Oh, this is when Nate checks his pockets for strategy.  He says, do you think this will work?  So, Nate reminds me of me.  He has multiple pieces of paper in his pockets.  Now, I don’t have any more, ‘cause…I don’t know why.  Jamie decoy…no…yeah.  Give it a shot.

 

Strut to strut to strut.  Nate struts like Scooter does, like fists out.  Jamie and Keeley…not fine.  First page of the Sun…relationship.  But we see Jamie and Keeley…maybe…or I thought we just saw Keeley, but she goes yeah, things aren’t fine.  As they’re strutting, they cross paths.  She goes, look at these pictures that could have been on the front page of the Sun.  Ted says well, it’s just a friend helping a friend whose relationship does not define her.  She says, I’m gonna get in a sneeze face.  Then that’ll say Jamie’s Tart Breaks Tartt’s Heart.  Higgins runs in.  Does Rebecca have a different teacup?  Is this a different day?  Ted, Keeley…hello.  I guess it is a different day.  I will first…training…bumble catch…bumbersnatch?  Jamie…short-shorts.  Nate; so many new feelings.  Made you…hellos, goodbyes.

 

Make your hellos goodbyes.  Do it well.  Two laps…Nate laughs at Ted running.  Colin…Isaac on Nate’s gaffer’s case.  Roy grimaces.  Ted and…Ted comments on how the Beard doesn’t run fast.  He hands out books.  Jamie tosses his in the trash.  Roy goes to the coach’s office.  Ted’s posture is perfect at different moments.  It’s not always the same, but…he does this slow, rise-up posture in this one.  He’s the one.  The dam inside that man’s heart…or something.  Heard guitar music…Jamie; forty kilos in curl.  I looked that up; no offense to Jamie, but it’s not…that’s…I think that’s…if I’ve looked it up right, forty kilograms is way too much to be curling, even for a normal…I didn’t…or it just didn’t look like forty kilos, ‘cause I can’t remember.  I guess I could look it up here.  Ropert’s stair…good.  Maybe that’s Roy’s stair’s good.

 

Roy, you going to the club tonight?  Are you gonna be there?  No.  Let’s look up forty kilos.  I looked it up yesterday, so it probably is in one of these tabs on my phone.  Maybe I’ll just do that, huh?  Nope, don’t see it.  Okay, let’s do this one.  Oh, no wait; I need that for later.  Forty kilos in pounds.  Oh, ounces to pounds.  What about kilos to pounds?  Kilos to pounds is 2.2…so that’d mean he’d be…yeah, forty…eighty-four pounds.  He couldn’t…I don’t…I mean, I’m not judging; I’m not kidding.  I don’t know if…even if it was one in each arm, that he would be doing…twenty kilos in each arm would be forty-two or forty-four?  That’s a lot to curl for even someone of Jamie’s fitness, and he’s fit.  I mean, curling forty-four pounds in each arm is possible, but I think Jamie would be much bulkier.  Just a thought, that…just a tangent.

 

Going to the club…Kyle and Isaac…Colin and Isaac keep it up after Roy says to stop.  Is the sun rising here in this thing?  Yes; Higgins is waiting for Rebecca.  Spoke to the owner of the Sun.  Sun…good…via…oh, the owner of the Sun, Ted says?  You mean God?  The VIP…Ted does a V…MVP dance.  The independent, the prolific Trent Crimm.  He’s a tough cookie.  You know what you do with tough cookies, Ted says?  Dip ‘em in milk.  Trent rolls up at training.  Still, the sun is rising or setting, so good continuity.  But Tent takes his glasses off, does a handshake.  Trent’s very chill.  It’s a cold morning ‘cause they saw Sam’s breath.  Jamie, give me the ball.  Performance Ted…give me the ball.  Ted does some physical comedy.  Oh, then there’s…Jamie says what’s so funny about that?

 

Roy says this may be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.  I thought…even funnier than Step Brothers.  Spits on art…combine…Trent holds his glasses.  Nate the great.  Spits on art…none of this is correct.  Nate the great…find another poo.  This is the kit man…’cause they say, who came up with this strategy?  Nate.  What does he do?  He’s the kit man.  Might be a genius.  He’s a good kid, Beard says.  There’s a lot…so many nested jokes here.  Ted says, there’s your headline; Man Nods Head.  Roy more mad…no shirt on.  He rolls out.  Keeley whistles.  There’s good dialogue we’ll cover…another multi-level comedy…no, no, no…both are…both cool.  Mad all the time.  She laughs, then we’re in the office.  Trent’s looking around.  You’re like one of those robot vacuums looking for dirt.  A roomba?

 

Coincidences…it’s a funny thing about coincidences; sometimes they just happen.  Office…biscuit tree…that can’t be right, either.  Oh, the biscuits are…Keeley comes into Rebecca’s office and Rebecca’s having biscuits and tea.  Keeley takes her shoes off, then we have some good dialogue there.  Schoolkids…Trent is sitting with the kids.  League champs…Ed Lasso.  Not Lassoo?  I don’t know, he gets his name totally wrong, the principal.  Jacob makes fun of…under his breath, then we see Captain Roy Kent.  Roy shells out right, or stalls out right.  Kids love it.  Trent’s impressed with Roy.  Then we have Roy and Ted and the hitters with the kids.  The sequence is really good.  Ted takes over…Phoebe gets Ted’s nose.  Principal’s impressed.  We have Ted and Roy together.  Trent’s got his jacket over his shoulder.

 

Hurry, Harry…Harry; is that who’s at the restaurant?  Ted introduces them.  You both just met a cool person.  Whatever the chef recommends…so, they eat at a restaurant of the person that Ted first met in…at the airport.  Trent’s stunned that he doesn’t get to order.  He gives…he said, have you ever had Indian food, to…it’s…but you know, Ted’s there on interpersonal business, not on other business.  I can smell this deep inside my brain.  Never had Indian food; too hot.  Ollie; can’t…we can’t embarrass Ollie.  Jacket over his shoulder…Trent’s jacket over his shoulder.  Henry…I don’t know.  Why did you leave Kansas?  It’s irresponsible.  Trent, what do you love?  The best version of themselves, growing up without someone believing in you.  Talk about foreshadowing.  Trent says I should go; deadlines and all.

 

Roy and Phoebe, they finish the whole book, which is impressive.  He’s reading Wrinkle in Time to her.  Has to be me.  Mind your own business, Phoebe.  Advanced copy of the article comes out.  Wayward Ted.  Ted goes here, sees some of the kids, pub people.  This is all while the article is being first read by Higgins, then by Trent.  Roy goes to the club.  Roy deals with Jamie, Isaac, and Colin.  Keeley says Roy, holy cow.  Ted has some tummy trouble.  Trent, reg…we will be relegated, but I won't gloat for band, or something.  I don’t know what the last…oh, Rebecca drops an F-bomb.  That’s what that says.  Okay, so now I’m gonna hit Play on the proper episode.  I don’t know if the…let’s see if the…there’s a commercial start.  Okay, hopefully the captions are running.  That’s how I get the dialogue nowadays.

 

5:59…I think Rebecca has a Philips wake-up alarm.  Maybe not, though.  There’s cool music even though I can’t hear it.  Rebecca opens her blinds.  She’s already dressed…lets in the daylight.  She’s got flowers…puts on her watch.  She struts out through the…into the office, sits down.  She’s got her purse, she’s got her tea, she’s got her…the National.  The National Sun, maybe.  I don’t know.  She starts looking for the article about Ted and Keeley; it’s not there.  She’s not happy and she says it out loud, then she calls Higgins who she has a nickname for.  Higgins is eating a gigantic bowl of cereal.  There’s toast, there’s jelly, juice, milk, kids.  Nothing in the Sun about Ted and Keeley.  Are you in your office?  Higgins lies; of course I am.  It’s like 7:15 and I guess the boy…one of…his kids are different ages.  Ted comes into the office.

 

Peach of a Sunday.  It must be Monday.  Saw Big Ben.  Thought I saw the biggest clock.  There was a great thing; when I was a kid…Ted tells this…the Alan…clock tower in Milwaukee.  He was in there for three hours and forty-two minutes, solo.  He goes, you figured that out, how I knew how long it was ‘cause of the time, ‘cause the clock.  Rebecca goes, you know what?  I got a branding meeting.  Ted makes a joke about that.  If we were in Kansas, you’d be laughing, but we’re not.  So, Rebecca does have…she has a porcelain teacup right now.  I think later she has a clear one.  Then Ted goes to the game board or the strategy board, goes over her Xs and Os from last match, or just Xs and arrows.  He’s looking at it.  Crystal Palace…Beard’s just nodding.  Here’s our current offense, and it stinks.  Let’s clear the board.

 

Thumbs-down from Beard.  He goes, that was a symbolic gesture.  He also fixes his hair.  I believe in symbolic gestures.  Beard yawns.  Beard was out all night.  Ted’s impressed.  Then Nate’s clearing out the garbage and listening, and he goes, I got an idea.  Or maybe he just makes a noise.  Got something, Nate?  No.  Yeah.  No; yeah.  Never mind.  I’m sorry.  I can’t hear people that don’t believe in themselves, Ted says, or something like that.  He goes into his pockets.  One, two, three…three or four…it’s on a orange piece of paper…peach-colored paper.  Oh, that’s when the coach says that about believing in yourself.  Do you think this will work?  He says yeah, I do.  Oh, they say.  Oh boy, Nate.  Nate laughs and they go, walk us through it.  It’s attack…action on the wing, nearside, defense.  Sam takes the spot.  Jamie’s a decoy.

 

No…well, I guess in this case, yes.  He hands it to Beard.  They say let’s strut.  We’re gonna try it, see if it fits.  Could be flattering.  Ted says maybe it makes me so good, I want to strut.  I like the way this makes me feel.  Let’s strut.  So we have three different struts.  Nate struts like I do; not comfortable strutting yet.  Then they go the wrong way, then they change directions.  Jamie and Keeley are kissing before practice or training.  Keeley says hey Ted, you got a second?  Everything’s fine, really.  No, it’s not fine.  Picture of you wiping mustard off my face with an untrue headline.  Manager Feeds Young Woman Whose Relationship Does Not Define Her.  But she goes, this is a good picture of me.  Good light, Ted says.  My friend can hold the story for one day as a favor, but Jamie’s not gonna like it.

 

She goes, and then the next picture won't be as good.  I could be sneezing, and then they’ll print that one.  What would the headline be?  Gesundheit?  No; Jamie’s Tart Breaks Tartt’s Heart.  Did you just come up with that?  Yeah.  That’s brilliant.  She goes, power of rhyming in this country.  Lasso Makes Passo and Creates Team Fiasco.  Keeley’s got bars.  Yeah, I can rhyme.  No wonder they want to mess with my rep.  So Ted and Keeley…Higgins runs into the office, pretends he’s on time.  Sorry it took me so long.  Threw his briefcase…Rebecca’s still like, how come there’s no article about Ted and Keeley?  Then Ted and Keeley walk in.  Ted’s got Higgins’ briefcase.  That’s supposed to run in the Sun tomorrow, Rebecca.  What should we do?  Rebecca says okay, well, I’ve been through this.

 

Keeley says I’ll figure out who took the picture, and then we’ll deal with that.  Rebecca says no, I can get it cleared up no problem.  Strong, powerful, confident woman, Ted says.  He’s…makes action-figure-like arms.  Glad to help.  Okay, thank you.  See you later.  Rebecca glares.  Can they get the photo back to me?  They could; I’m not a spy, Higgins says.  So, I just work in football operations.  She goes, you’re proficient at both, equally, with irony.  Then they’re running Nate’s play for the first time.  It works.  Sam scores when Jamie runs through.  Nate’s…says jeez, holy cow…Jamie only gets…doesn’t get it yet.  Then Ted runs out and says we gotta be in…more fit.  Quicker transitions from offense to defense.  Easiest way to do that, well, is to do it well and be in great shape.  So we’re all gonna run two laps.

 

Anybody that finishes behind me gets four more.  Four more laps?  That’s six laps.  Nate laughs, a genuine laugh, as Ted runs.  Ted’s running in a funny way.  I didn’t see…then we get…who’s that?  Colin and Isaac giving Nate the great a hard time.  Roy stares.  Cockburn Rentals…Ted says okay, good work.  Jamie’s taking selfies.  Beard mentions he was on the chess team; Illinois state champs.  Ted says I got you some books.  We see Sam…everybody’s out…well, they slowly unwrap them.  Sam’s got Ender’s Game, I think.  Jamie has a Beautiful and the Darned, and Roy has A Wrinkle in Time, which really says a lot about how much Ted thinks about each player and that he’s really gotten to know them.  Jamie gives Nate more of a hard time.

 

Roy rolls in; says aren’t you gonna do something about them giving Nate a hard time?  No.  You don’t want the coach defending you.  I can’t do it.  It would make it worse.  Roy does not like that.  Goes yeah, I learned a lot of things at Brookridge Elementary.  One is Ronnie Fouch; watch out for Ronnie Fouch, and no free candy.  Yeah, someone tells the teacher, then it’s gonna make it worse.  Roy says, you’re not gonna do anything?  Ted goes, nope.  Roy storms out.  Beard says, what are you doing?  He goes, he’s the one, Coach.  If we’re gonna make an impact, he’s the first domino…then he falls inside that man’s heart.  Roy’s thinking.  That’s when he goes to the weight room to deal with Jamie.  Yeah, Jamie’s probably lifting…I’d say those are probably…they could be tens, so twenty…twenty-two.

 

I think he’s probably doing twenty-five, maybe.  But more likely…more likely he’s doing fifteen.  Maybe not; those could be very dense weights.  Jamie’s fit, man.  Holy cow.  But Roy’s saying hey, leave Nate alone.  I don’t like it.  Jamie does.  He’s a leader; he goes yeah, Nate’s a baby.  Roy just stares at him.  He goes, I’ll take care of it.  Nate’s a good lad.  Colin’s also doing curls.  I think Colin’s doing fifteens or twenties, though.  A different style of weight.  Jamie says keep it up, on Nate.  Then we have the sun rising.  Higgins is already at the water cooler.  You wanted me to see that you were here on time.  You’re in good spirits.  Rebecca says even if we can’t run that picture, we could still get the community irritated with Ted, ‘cause they’re the ones behind the team.

 

If they’re no longer behind the team, then…then Rebecca goes off to her office.  Ted drops off her biscuits.  Newspaper, the Sun…they want to run a picture of you and Keeley.  Ted does a MVP dance, does kicking, like cheerleading style.  Then you gotta talk to Trent Crimm of the Independent.  He’s gonna do a profile on you, one-on-one with Coach Lasso.  Ted says okay.  Rebecca says he’s good.  Trent’s a tough cookie, though.  Coach says that’s fine; just dip him in milk.  Then we see Trent.  May even have a knit tie on.  He’s very stylish.  He says hello, Trent.  Hello, Coach Lasso.  Hello, Trent Crimm.  Call me Ted.  His pinstripes match his shirt, which is kind of a…I don’t even know what kind of color it is; a greenish something.  The trick play works again.  Jamie’s shorts are very short.

 

Coach runs out there and says Jamie, you can sell it better, though.  So he does something…run through hard, man.  Make the defense believe you.  Give me the ball, give me the ball.  Maybe that’s from…make it a performance.  Maybe that’s from Side Brothers or Step Brothers?  Jamie says no one thinks it’s funny, but Roy does.  Funnier…oh, funnier than the bunk-bed scene, which I used to think was the funniest I’ve ever seen.  Now I’m gonna have to reorder things.  That’s when Trent says who came up with the plan?  Oh, Nate the great did.  Who’s Nate the great?  He’s the kit man, dude.  He goes, the kit…what is Nate the great…?  Oh yeah, I saw Ted’s breath there.  Nate’s cleaning up the field.  He goes, you’re entrusting a Premier League team attack to the kit man.

 

The young fellow’s forgot more about the sport than I know.  It might be genius.  Great kid.  A good kid.  Oh boy, oh boy, if you knew Coach Beard, that’s a big deal.  You mean that?  He nods again.  There’s your story; Man Nods Head.  Iconic profile typed up by one Trent Crimm.  Tighten up those lines…Colin and Isaac go bug Nate again.  Roy sees it.  He says, what is this?  Cut it out.  Then he goes looking for Jamie.  But he goes out to the parking lot, shirtless.  Keeley whistles.  Look like you forgot something.  Your boyfriend.  She goes, don’t you have relationship problems too, Roy?  He goes, yeah.  He goes, I’m not your boyfriend’s minder.  The new gaffer’s got me dealing for Nate.  Barns?  No, Shelley; Nathan Shelley.  Then he does a terrible imitation of Ted Lasso, like a cowboy with a falsetto voice or something.

 

She goes, you’re really bad at impressions.  I can’t be manipulated, Roy says.  Then Keeley totally plays him.  She goes oh, I can get you irritated.  She goes, I can’t hear you.  What is that?  What is that?  Say it again?  Roy gets irritable.  They say okay…she walks by him.  Then she goes, I’m Roy Kent; I get played to…I get paid to play a game and I’m mad.  She laughs really fully, and then Roy goes, that was pretty good.  We’re back at the office.  Trent’s snooping around.  Ted must have just got out of the shower.  Beard shakes his head.  Robot vacuum…let’s go to school.  Oh, interesting thing…he goes, wasn’t there a party in your locker room?  Is that the right message after you lose a game?  Then Coach says yeah, I’m not concerned with wins and losses.  He goes, we’re gonna go speak to some kids.

 

Oh, I guess they said…Trent is a little cynical, I guess.  I wouldn’t say he’s a cynic, though, but he’s cynical with Ted.  ‘Cause I said he was cynical in the preview or a cynic.  Say no, he’s cynical with Ted a little bit.  Keeley and Rebecca…Keeley’s got a present for Rebecca.  It’s a…what are those things called?  A cactus.  Strong and prickly, a bit like you.  She goes, I’m not gonna be afraid of you, Rebecca, anymore.  Didn’t know you were.  Yeah.  You’re so intimidating.  She goes, Jamie would have been so upset if he knew reporters were looking into our business.  She goes, didn’t it get on your nerves when you were getting treated like that?  Rebecca says well, yeah, sometimes they…they don’t even print nice pictures of you.  She goes, like pictures of us looking fit; they don’t put those.  Keeley says holy cow.

 

I can’t believe this.  I would have shown everybody.  Then Rebecca’s like oh, I gotta get back to work anyway.  Keeley says bye.  Don’t forget your shoes.  Rebecca laughs genuinely.  We go to the school.  Trent’s looking around with the kids.  Principal comes in.  I didn’t think we’d be very good and we’d win a game, but we won a League Championship.  Let’s welcome the manager of AFC Richmond, Ed Lasso or something.  Hey everybody.  How about you meet Roy Kent?  Trent laughs when the kids laugh at Ted.  But I’m sure you’re more excited to welcome Roy Kent, team captain, which the kids are.  Roy says, not much for public speaking or school.  Waste of time to me.  Let’s get out of this auditorium and go on the pitch or whatever, and the kids cheer.  Roy nods.  Principal’s happy.  Trent’s impressed.

 

Ted tries to bond with Roy.  There’s Phoebe.  It’s my sister’s kids…kid.  Let’s do headers…line up.  One header, two headers, three headers, four headers.  Ted heads one.  Five or six if you count Ted.  Another kid’s seven.  Lovely; liked it.  Eight, nine, ten, maybe.  Ted takes over and then Phoebe returns it right on the button.  Great job, Phoebe.  Ted signs some footballs where the kid will see later when he’s out in the community.  Principal says that’s the longest anyone’s ever stayed.  I don’t have those kind of things in me like Ted does.  Trent’s in the background on his phone.  Roy said why’d you give me A Wrinkle in Time?  A young girl’s struggle with the burden of leadership.  Roy says, am I supposed to be the little girl?  I’d like you to be, Ted says.  Roy says Trent, I don’t like you.  Phoebe, let’s go.  They watch him go.

 

Are you hungry?  Then Trent says let the battle commence.  Then Ollie says Ted Lasso, you invited me here.  I invite everybody.  This is my friend Trent.  This is Ollie.  Now you’ve met a cool person.  Whatever the chef recommends…spicy…just like we’re family members.  Ted doesn’t understand.  Even that, you don’t say…say huh, why don’t you go medium?  So, Ted says I can’t wait.  Ollie says great.  They talk about spicy foods and then Trent says this is irresponsible, man.  What are you doing?  Ted says all your food…Trent…so that it would be polite.  Dump it on my plate.  Goes, why did you do this?  For the money?  Ted says no, I do it because I love it.  I love helping people be their best selves.  I love coaching like you love writing, maybe.  You’re good at it.  I love coaching.

 

It’s not the wins and losses; it’s helping people have somebody believe in them and so they can be the best version of themselves on and off the field.  Not easy growing up without someone believing in you, Ted says.  Let me ask you this, though; is my tongue still in my mouth?  Trent says okay, I gotta go.  He says I really enjoyed spending time with you, Trent.  He goes, you really believe that, don’t you?  He goes off.  Ollie comes back with more food.  I know Americans like to eat a lot, so there you go.  Ted eats some more; it gets more spicy.  Beautiful, beautiful.  Beyond beautiful, Ted says.  It’s hot.  Then Roy is reading to Phoebe from the end of Wrinkle in Time.  Can’t be anyone else.  He realized it…he says I gotta go.  Mind your own business, Phoebe.  Be good…kisses her goodnight.

 

Higgins calls Rebecca ‘cause he has an advanced version…wayward Ted.  Whatever you think of Coach Lasso, the truth is harder to swallow, ‘cause he’s the kid from school.  But swallow you must, ‘cause Ted’s out there in the community bravely or stupidly facing the music.  That’s for you to decide.  The people at the pub yell at him.  He’s in over his head.  Doesn’t care if Richmond wins or loses, but if the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.  Higgins says this is not my words; this is Trent Crimm’s words.  Keep going.  In business [inaudible], Ted reigns it in; subtle, never hits you over the head.  That’s when Roy goes into the club.  He says stop messing with Nate.  He goes, that goes for all of you.  Goes, I can’t believe you’re drinking flavored vodka.  Such a child.  Keeley’s impressed.

 

She goes Keeley, Roy…something about people becoming leaders or to show respect eating spicy food.  Ted runs in…we zoom on Rebecca’s thoughtful face.  If they relegated, I can’t help but root for him.  That’s when she says a f-bomb.  Let’s see, let’s look up a couple things from this episode.  So, the first thing is Gay Talese…it’s a profile by Gay Talese, who is a profilist for Esquire and the New York Times.  Since 1960, Talese kinda helped identify contemporary literature journalism.  One of the pioneers of new journalism.  Let’s see…and it’s just somewhat…and Ted had mentioned it as a famous profilist when he says okay, one day you’ll write a…Trent will write a article like that about the Beard.  So, Talese worked for Esquire in the sixties and wrote a essay about Joe DiMaggio.

 

He wrote a few…quite a few articles about Floyd Patterson and…yeah, just something I thought people would want to know about.  Then I also wanted to get an idea of where Ted Lasso lives.  So, this is some stuff here.  This is from groundhopperguides.com; Paul Gerard.  This all started with NBC’s Ted Lasso’s Tottenham ads.  When NBC got the contract for the Premier League, they made two short ads in which Ted Lasso…oh, I didn’t know this; the American football coach from Wichita state comes over to Coach Tottenham Hotspur.  When I heard those ads, it had been turned into a series.  I wondered how on Earth that would happen, but it’s been a bit of a hit.  Ted Lasso’s a optimist and…okay, so non-soccer Ted Lasso…filming locations.

 

Yeah, so many are filmed in the real-world Richmond, a town in greater London.  These include his apartment, Richmond Green where he gets schooled, and Prince…Prince’s Head’s…Prince’s Head Pub, which shows up a few times.  So, it’s called the…oh, Ted’s pub on the show is called the Crown and the Anchor, but it’s really the Prince’s Head Pub.  Six-minute walk from the Richmond Station on the overground southwestern and district lines.  Show changed its name…let’s see.  The pub looks a lot like it does on TV.  Can compare shots…Ted Lasso’s street in Richmond outside the Prince’s Head is…in the real world it’s called Paved Court, and the giveaway here is an Argentinian empanadas place called Shago.  Paved Court in Richmond…oh, there’s coffee out…on there.

 

There’s even some shots of selling AFC Richmond there.  Let’s see, some of this is from Season 2, some of this…let me go to another article.  Ted Lasso’s house is located in Richmond — this is Ted Lasso Wiki — near Brewer’s Lane.  This is fictional, though.  Walking distance to Coach Beard, the Dog Track, and the Crown and Anchor, and a unnamed coffee vendor.  Okay, but it doesn’t have any real-world info.  We got one more…where was…?  This is from Elite Daily, Rachel Chapman, 2021.  Here’s some places that Ted’s…Lasso was filmed on-location in London.  So, we have AFC Richmond…is based on the Richmond area in London where he resides.  It’s a real town you can visit.  Could even try to pick up your own biscuits or stroll into the pub.  It’s also home to Wembley and the Hayes & Yeading United Football Stadium.

 

All these places where you could go…or maybe those are just places…Apple TV hasn’t…okay, so AFC Richmond Stadium is the SkyEx Community Stadium on Beaconsfield Road, and the stadium which is home to the Hayes & Yeading Football Club in West London.  It’s near West London Studios where some of the interior stuff was shot.  Ted Lasso’s apartment is on Paved Court, as we said.  Interior’s on a sound stage, but the exterior you could check out.  There’s a bunch of icons from…in Richmond from the show; the Crown and Anchor pub which was mentioned, the River Thames which can be seen throughout the series.  Walk along the water and pretend you’re Roy or Keeley.  Check out the bench across from the Twickenham Rowing Club.  The Gaucho restaurant; that may be in a future episode.

 

Doll shops…Dolls of England Shop; that’s another one in a future episode.  The Nelson Road Stadium or the Dog Pound.  That’s where they…oh, the SkyEx Community Stadium is where the AFC Richmond team trains, but their home stadium, Nelson Road, is actually Selhurst Park Stadium, which ironically enough, is home to Crystal Palace.  So, you could attend a match there.  Wembley Stadium is in later episodes.  Goodison Park, which I’m probably saying wrong, that’s Liverpool’s…so, you can’t do…wait, that says…Richmond travelled to play Everton at the Goodison Park Stadium.  Travel to Liverpool…oh, AFC travelled to Liverpool to play against Everton at the team’s Goodison Park Stadium.  Oh, so it took…it was filmed in London but it was pretending it was taking place in Liverpool.

 

The Tower Bridge; that’s in the opening episode.  It’s not the London Bridge, as Ted says.  Oh, the place…the club is Rivoli Ballroom.  That takes place in the next episode.  It’s been filmed in…been used in multiple different movies and stuff.  Then Richmond Green, Pond Thames.  It’s a gorgeous park next to Ted’s neighborhood.  It’s seen in quite a few episodes, and you could check that out as well.  The last thing I thought was interesting…that they used roomba, which I don’t think is owned by…and they were talking about it.  But so, I looked this up on Wikipedia.  iRobot; American technology company that builds consumer robots founded in 1990 by three members of MIT’s Artificial Intelligence Lab.  Originally it was space and offensive robots.  Let’s see what we got here.

 

History; in 1990 they got a DARPA grant, then in 2002 they unveiled their first roomba.  It became a stock at some point.  It has another…oh, it got…it’s…now it’s a floor-mopper.  Let’s see…they’ve used…they have history.  They have current robots in development; a lawnmower…don’t do it, please.  Scooba was the original floor-washing robot.  They’d been discontinued in…oh no; in 2006 they phased it out.  Dirt Dog was designed for workshop use and could pick up bolts and nuts and stuff like that.  They even had a toy, like a doll.  Connector; that one got made, never released.  They had a swimming pool robot, Looj, L-O-O-J, a gutter-cleaning robot.  It was based on a science fair project from a kid in 2004.  It’s not autonomous, though; remote-controlled, patterned after a toy tank with an auger on the front to go in the gutters, clean out debris.  Then another swimming pool robot, Mirra, cleaned pools, floors, and walls.  You’ve seen other pool robots, though.  So, that’s it.  That’s it from tonight’s episode.  Goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Notable Language:

• Barometrically Related Performance Anxiety
• Strut
• Peach Colored Paper

Notable Culture:

• David Bowie – “Under Pressure”
• Gay Talese
• A Wrinkle in Time

Notable Talking Points:

• Is this a barometer or a teleprompter?
• Jamie couldn't possibly curly 40kg
• A strong and prickly cactus