1097 – Gob Balloons | Nuns in Space S3 Ep2

Notable Language:

• Stagnant
• The Cosmic Drain
• Ground-Based Beings (GBBs)

Notable Culture:

• Sesame Street
• The Simpsons
• Holi

Notable Talking Points:

• Did Snuffleupagaus ever have a stuffy nose?
• Please no smoting
• Explaining the Birds and the Bees to Stan

Episode 1097 – Gob Balloons | Nuns in Space S3 Ep2

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster whose bangs…if I had to see all the time to make this podcast, I’d say I need to trim my bangs.  But luckily right now, even though they’re in my face, I think my headphones can get them out of my face.  I’m here to keep…to put…to distract you from the proverbial bangs of your thoughts.  If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, that’s probably ‘cause you’re in the right place, ‘cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  Thanks for making that possible, patrons.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside…I already got mixed up.  But is that what I’m supposed to say now?  Create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, you’re thinking of something, then you’re still thinking of it.  My thoughts are independent.  They say we run our own lives.

 

I say, but you’re thoughts in my…oh no, don’t…please don’t tell us what to do.  They don’t say please, though; I was just trying to be nice.  So whatever…thoughts, feelings, anything you’re feeling physically that’s coming up for you or emotionally, it could be related to those thoughts or it could be related to something else.  It could be changes in time, temperature, routine, could be a mystery.  I mean, it could be a mystery you’re working on or it could just be a mystery…you say, I don’t know why I can’t sleep, or I don’t know why I’m waking up so early.  But whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off of that and keep you company so you can fall asleep, because your sleep is important.  You deserve a good night’s sleep.  If I don’t…if you don’t listen to anything else I say, I hope you hear that.

 

You deserve it, you deserve a place you can rest, you deserve a bedtime you feel neutral about or that you can look forward to, not a bedtime you dread.  The reason I make the show is because I’ve been there.  I know how it feels.  That’s why it’s important to me for you to get the rest you need and you deserve, because if you get the rest you need, your life will be more manageable and ideally you’ll be out there flourishing, and then the world we all live in will be a little bit better if your world’s a little bit better.  That is true.  That’s the most important part about the show, so I’m saying it early now.  The way I propose to do it is I’m gonna take a safe place, I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down, I’m gonna give it some space, I’m gonna…I guess…I don’t know if I’ve ever aired out the safe place, so I’m gonna air it out.

 

It has a cross-breeze that could be cool or warm, adjustable cross-breezes that you can turn on or off as well, ‘cause adjusting doesn’t just mean…it…go from zero to whatever scale, or if you prefer measuring on some other…whatever scale you like measure…if you don’t…no need to measure, though.  So, it’ll be air…it could be aired out, but there’s probably people out there that say I prefer a stuffy soft place.  I don’t like…I find that some people have…I wonder if Snuffleupagus has ever been stuffy.  I don’t know why…just because those words are similar sight words for me.  Snuffleupagus was Big Bird’s…I don’t know if Snuffleupagus was imaginary.  I hope not.  Sorry, Snuffleupagus.  I think Snuffleupagus is a really nice word to say in a sleep podcast, but Snuffleupagus was on Sesame Street.

 

Snuffleupagus, in my mind at least, was something like a woolly mammoth, but not so big.  No tusks.  Possibly imaginary.  Never…I don’t know if Snuffleupagus ever had a stuffy nose, but the only thing that led me to that was saying…there’s just no chance that on Planet Earth…you know, we all have different tastes and preferences and needs, right?  There’s gotta be a percentage of people out there that say you know what?  I prefer a stuffy place.  I know it’s, you know, not popular.  But I like a stuffy place.  Oh, give me a home where it’s so stuffy, even Snuffleupagus could roam.  But it would be tight because obviously a stuffy place may be…but you could have a gigantic stuffy place.  We’ve all been there.

 

Yeah, and I don’t know…this…these two things don’t necessarily go together, but you could say no, you know what?  I take my water stagnant, man.  That’s how I like it.  I’m sure there are different…I’m sure that there’s beings out…if you’re algae, you say yeah man, I like my water stagnant; of course.  How do you think I get this beautiful green hue?  Stagnation.  It’s not stagnant to me; it’s just stagnant to you, but while…since you’re using the term stagnant, I’m telling you my preference.  Here’s something…go ahead and do it.  Next time you order water, if they say frisante or tap or still or with…you say, I’ll take mine stagnant, man.  Give me one water, stagnant.  You’re gonna drink it?  No, I’m gonna ponder it and then…I don’t know what I’m gonna do.  I’ll do something with it.

 

Don’t worry; I won't waste it, but I…water; I take mine stagnant, ‘cause somebody does out there, even human beings.  Tepid, like…how do you live your life?  Tepid, man.  That’s for me.  Tepid’s my temperature.  I take my water stagnant and my…I think Biebs sang that song.  How did we get here?  I don’t…I get my tepid water from the source.  So, oh boy, we’ve gone far afield.  Tepid, man.  Stagnant, stuffy, and tepid.  Maybe I should put that…should I put that in a dating profile?  I don’t think…but I say, I’m not necessarily looking for someone that has…their preference is stagnant.  My preference is not a stagnant room.  Oh boy, it’s not.  A stagnant room…I guess is stuffy…stuffy is the air version of stagnant, isn’t it, or tepid?  I don’t know.  I’m a little…not 100% sure on tepid.

 

But those are two words that we’ve re-empowered.  You say hey, stagnant, stuffy, come over here.  This could be a metaphor for whatever’s keeping you awake.  You say hey, I know not everybody gives you the glory.  I know in a lot of things you get associated with stuff or discomfort, but there’s people out there that love you and they love you a lot, because the less people that…the more intense…the less people that prefer you, the most intense the love, is what…I mean, that’s what I tell myself, because this podcast is very different.  This podcast is right along those lines, too.  I don’t know; if…are there any Northern European scientists listening?  You say wait a second, we just cracked the Scooter code; stuffy…oh boy, so if you’re new, we’ve gone far afield.  I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents.  We just got a bunch of those.  I mean, we went from stuffy to Snuffleupagus to tepid to attempted jokes.  Make mine tepid, man.  I mean, it’s just…I think that’s…you say, I’m a rebel with preferences.  You say, is it really rebellious?  Oh, yeah it is, man.  You ever order a tepid water?  They’d say, do you want me to go out to the back pond and fish it out for…?  A stagnant water?  You say no, stagnant water; just leave it where it is, man.  Just point me to it.  I’ll go look…no, I’m here to look at the stagnant water, not to drink it.  I’m here to experience it visually and in…with…all…in its olfactory glory, which is really hard for a sleep podcaster to say; all its olfactory glory.

 

Learned that from Snuffleupagus once, because Snuffleupagus has got a trunk, you know?  No, Snuffleupagus did not drink the stagnant water either, ‘cause that would air…that would de-stag…that would aerate it, man.  Why does the stag…man, I’m going back to my stuffy room to feel contained and warm and cozy.  I find stagnant water cozy.  What’s cozy to you…what’s stagnant to you is cozy to me, got it?  I got it now.  Thank you for correcting me, whatever part of my brain this is.  I’ve enjoyed our conversation, but I do have new listeners I have to attend to.  If they don’t have these same preferences as you…but that’s the thing; if you’re new, a few things you should know about the show.  The show is very different, just like these preferences outside of the…whatever, the popularity range.

 

But most listeners who became…most people who became regular listeners say it took two or three tries to get used to this podcast just ‘cause it’s so different.  If you’ve been struggling to get to sleep, you’ve already tried stuff, so you’re probably skeptical or doubtful or tired.  Maybe you’re a little bit grouchy, right?  You just heard me talk about a bunch of nonsense, so that may be…make you more skeptical or doubtful.  But just give it a few tries.  The podcast is free, so just see how it goes.  Most people say after two or three tries, they say oh okay, I realized what you say at the beginning.  This is the podcast you don’t really listen to; you just kinda barely pay attention.  It’s also…it doesn’t put you to sleep; it keeps you company while you fall asleep.

 

I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore…bore-bruh, your bore…what…neigh-bore…bore-bor.  That’s somebody…I don’t know what the bore…that was when I got…mixed up neigh-bore.  But I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, and if you can’t sleep, I’m here to the very end to keep you company.  So, I’m here talking in a meandering way whether you’re awake or asleep.  I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night in case you need me.  So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to, you heard why I make the show, your sleep’s important, I’ve been there, a lot of other listeners have been there.  We might not be going through the exact same thing you’re dealing with, but we know how it feels for the most part.

 

Other things that throw new listeners off…and if the show is really throwing you off, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.  There’s other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff out there.  But what else do you need to know?  This is a podcast to put you to sleep…oh, the structure of the show, that really throws people off.  The show is designed in a very specific way with specific goals in mind.  But as you become a regular listener, you can adjust the show.  But most people find that this works.  So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, then I say something silly so you feel seen and welcomed in and you get the tone of the show.  Then there’s support for the podcast so it can come out for free twice a week on every podcast app that you might listen to it on.

 

That happens because the people that support the show directly and the sponsors, ‘cause a lot of work goes into this podcast.  A lot of people work on different aspects of keeping this show going, and I’d rather it be free than just at one app or one company or whatever.  Then there’s support for listeners if you’re having a tough time, there’s support for communities around the show, support for other people, and for you.  After that is the intro, and some people associate the support and the intro, but the intro is a separate piece of the podcast.  It’s a show within a show.  We’ve already gone many places together during this intro.

 

The intro is different every time but it follows the same structure where it introduces you to the podcast, but differently so that your brain can’t adjust and you can’t say well, I bet…you…there’s nobody that came into this…so, a regular listener, probably…what up, regular listeners?  They probably didn’t come into it expecting me to talk about tepid water and stuffy rooms and people that love that.  I’m a tepid…100…number one tepid fan with a foam finger that says Make Mine Tepid.  But you’re not surprised, either, if you’re a regular listener.  You say well, not surprising.  Maybe the first time Scoots has talked about people who love stuffy rooms, but not…won't be the last, but could be next episode or it could be another thousand episodes from now.

 

So, the intro introduces you to the podcast, but for a regular listener, it’s part of ideally your wind-down routine.  There is 2% of people that skip the intro and a few thousand people that pay to listen to story-only episodes, but there’s also a few thousand people that pay to listen to intro-only episodes.  So, just see how it goes as you become a new listener, ‘cause a lot of listeners…some people are falling asleep, but for most listeners, it’s easing into bedtime.  So, the intro is the transition from being awake or your evening to your sleep time.

 

Think about that; it’s an offer, but you could make it…you could be doing something else; maybe knitting, drawing, journaling, stretching, or just getting in bed, making your bed and then getting in it as you listen to the intro, to ease you into bedtime or listen to it while you’re getting ready for bed or whatever.  You can’t…I mean, ‘cause I’m not gonna saying anything super important.  You could always pause and be like, I was washing my face; did he say he loves stuffy rooms?  No, he was offering a proxy that…of a person that may love stuffy rooms.  Scoots is not a stuffy room person, but he’s not judging.  If you love stuffy rooms, you love them.  Great.

 

Then at breakfast, you might…a regular listener or a new listener might be…I think he was talking about the time Snuffleupagus had a stuffy nose and he was asking Big Bird to relate to it, but Big Bird said no, I’ve got a beak and I’m not…then they went to another segment where they analyzed…here’s a question; do birds ever have stuffy noses?  I don’t know, because…well, one, it’s called a beak.  But I know there’s holes in there, right?  Or am I imagining that?  I don’t know.  Do birds have nostrils?  Probably some people are Googling it right now and will let me know, but I record the shows a few months before they come out, but I’ll…maybe I’ll forget to Google it, too.  I’m guessing the answer would be some birds do, some birds don’t, but it could be…but are they ever stuffy?  I don’t know.

 

Maybe that’s your…and you say, but I fell asleep.  I don’t know.  So, the intro eases you into bedtime, then there’s support or sponsor support between the intro and the episode, again, so the show could be free, and it is optional to pay for it.  That’s the great thing.  If you don’t want the ads, you could pay.  If you’re not in a position or you choose not to, the sponsors will be there to support it for you, and the listeners who support the sponsors.  Then there’s the story.  Tonight, it’ll be our episodically modular series, Nuns in Space, Season 3.  That’ll be like, forty-five minutes of story, and then there will be a…thank-yous and goodnight at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, why I make the show.  I’m glad you’re here.  I really hope the podcast can help you fall asleep.  I appreciate you coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright, hey everybody, welcome to our…this is the most episodically modular series we’ve ever done to…that I’ve recorded today.  I’m just laughing…but I thought about that; I said, is this the most episodically modular series we’ve ever done?  Probably not, but could be.  It’s Season 3, even though that doesn’t matter because it’s…this is…this one’s a procedural.  I don’t really have to set very much up for you.  But it is Season 3.  Season 1 and 2 had a little bit more seriality and stuff like that, but this one is a little bit…I don’t know.  You’ll find out, or I’ll tell you.  But this is Season 3 of Nuns in Space.  Believe it or not, future Scooter’s gonna catch you up.  That’s probably one of the reasons I’m able to make it so episodically modular, is there’s…in another timeline, there’s a fictional version of me running around.

 

So, Nuns in Space is a story about two main characters; Scooter, sidekick to Stan, the freestyle soda machine who has gone beyond sentience.  He’s a full…not human; a fully-sentient…a soda…freestyle soda machine that’s…has true consciousness.  So, there’s a soda machine and his best friend, Scooter.  They’re in space and Scooter will explain to you a lot of the things, but Scooter…it starts out with…Scooter’s on a spaceship with the nuns from his childhood.  That’s where our story begins every episode this season, is with Scooter on a spaceship with the nuns from his childhood.  He works for them, they fly the ship; that’s all you probably need to know for the time being, other than the next voice you’ll hear…it’s not an angel, but it does sound like something…it does sound better than…whose voice is better than…well, I don’t want to get you smoted.

 

I don’t want him smoted.  Please, no smoting.  I don’t think an angel could smote you even if they wanted to…out of jealousy ‘cause your voice is as sweet as an angel’s, and the look on your face, even sweeter.  It’s Mr. Antonio Banderas.  Thank you, Scooter.  Friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time to launch into another episode of Nuns in Space.  Whoosh.  Thanks, Antonio.  I almost…I mean, I managed to not say anything about you and how noisy you are or anything like that, or how gracious you are, but probably…it probably would have been better doing that than having you…’cause I hope you don’t get smoted.  I’ll really feel bad about it.  Here’s the thing, Antonio; I don’t know if you can promise me this, but if for some reason you’re smoted because of my actions, please don’t smote me.  Let’s stop…let’s at least agree that the smoting…let’s not start a cycle of smoting, you know?

 

So, if you do get smoted, just be an adult about it, or whatever, an angel about it.  Don’t be like the angel that smoted you and then you smote me.  Scooter, there will be no smoting.  I don’t know; you’re smoking, man, so when you’re smoke…that could cause smoting when you’re smoking, or you’re smoldering.  But I just want you to…can you verbally acknowledge if you do get smoted partially because of me or you feel like you got smoted because of my actions, that you won't smote me in return so that we don’t start a smoting cycle?  ‘Cause I could tell you, if I get smoted, I don’t have the wherewithal…I mean, you’d have to take away my power to smote.  But don’t do that; just don’t smote me, please.  Scooter, I would never smote you.  Okay, thanks.  You heard, everybody; that’s Antonio Banderas.  This is Nuns in Space.

 

Hey pen pal, it’s me, Stan.  Scooter…hopefully Scooter’s listening, pen pal, but I…so, pen pal, Scooter…I’m sending the message to both of you because oh boy, do I feel lucky…I mean, kind of lucky right now.  I’m processing multiple feelings, Scooter, if you could catch my tone.  But one of them is wonder and dazzling because the colors, the sounds that I’m seeing here…there’s smells, there’s wonder, there’s joy on these faces, there’s a slow rising up.  I’m mesmerized and I’m touched, but also I’m by myself and I’d like my best friend to be here to enjoy this with me, or I would have.  So, not even multiple…when I…Scooter, when I say multiple feelings, I’m not just feeling two feelings, either.  I don’t know if I’m feeling a multitude of feelings.

 

Well, within the joy range, I’m feeling a multitude of joy and wonder, then I’m feeling lonely and other feelings related to the fact that you’re not here with me and I don’t have any idea where you are.  But also, I’m feeling swept away.  Then I say well, let me…’cause all that’s…Scooter, was that soldering you did with me with…that one time, and you said you were gonna put vacuum tubes in there and you put one of those…?  I know recently you said you were putting one of those readers in that…you said you were gonna put reel-to-reel inside me, but that was when you had that shrink ray and you said you were gonna shrink down a super-computer, one of those tape-fed computers or computer card ones and some reel-to-reels and put them in me so that I could experience a wider range of emotions.

 

It may have worked, Scooter, but I don’t know if I like it.  But so, other feelings I’m having is a gnawing feeling, Scooter.  Something’s not right.  I’m swept up, I’m swept away, and there’s joy all around me.  There’s sounds of wonder and happiness and good smells.  But I don’t know, there’s something else.  It’s not right.  Then I say well, this is what I would talk to my best friend about, or a friend.  So, now I’m recording this to talk to somebody.  Did you hear…just hear that?  That was like a Long…I’ve been practicing a Long Island accent, Scooter, ‘cause I’ve been bored.  So, it would be nice if you were here.  There’s also a very strong pull here, which is hard for me to use as extra resources when I’m trying to go against the pole to…’cause everybody else is floating and I’m not floating.

 

Maybe I should tell you just a summary of what the feeling is in a metaphorical sense.  I know I’m supposed to talk about my…there it goes again.  So Scooter, things are slowly changing here.  It’s like if you took a dawn and a sunset and you combined them together.  It’s like languishing, languidly, lovingly…I put all these things; longingly…what is that other…?  I thought of one other one.  Lovely, lovingly?  No, lovely.  But longing in a way because it’s neither a dawn or a sunset.  A dawn longs to break and it’s like things are caught in that longing sense.  A sunset always stretches, you know, Scooter, and rolls over the horizon.  I don’t know if it ever sets.  This one is not setting.  It’s also not involving suns.  This normally slow…sunset goes and rolls and then disappears slowly or dissipates.

 

But there’s something about this longing, Scooter; that’s what’s not right.  But it’s really about that floating, Scooter, floating.  It’s floating, you know, floating.  Scooter, you know what it means when you’re floating?  Floating, floating…yeah, I feel like I’m drifting.  Wait a second…just…I was dreaming I was driftwood.  I thought I could have heard Stan calling me.  I don’t know.  Is it drift…?  If it’s driftwood in a river…I was hearing something else, though.  Oh, boy.  So it’s like driftwood, but if you’re in a river and you’re a stick, maybe I’m a leaf in the dream.  Oh wait, it’s…okay, it’s not a dream though, ‘cause I’m hearing a sound of rushing water.  So that’s what woke me up.  Oh yeah, and I can see…I’m also hearing…luckily, the rushing water sound is louder than the nuns that are yelling at me to wake up.

 

Let me grab…yeah, Sisters, this is Scooter calling in.  You know, I was resting in my sleeping pod.  Sorry, Sisters, I do hear…I’m aware there’s a sound of water rushing on the ship.  Is it coming…?  I can’t…I’m investigating, Sisters, yes.  Okay, I realize there’s other alerts coming, and I will look into it.  Okay, weird.  I feel a little dry.  So hey, pen pal, it’s me.  I’m recording and I’m recording this for posterity and of course in case I…I listen to these again and again and again, so that way…thus far, I haven’t needed to…so, I’m recording them but I haven’t needed to listen to them.  But one day, maybe Stan or the sisters will be able to listen to them.  So here’s the situation; I wake up every day and the day is a new start, kind of like various movies, but not exactly, ‘cause I remember everything and the sisters do not.

 

So, we’re on a ship, we’re going somewhere.  The sisters are serious and searching.  I’m the only…I don’t know if I’m enlisted or not, but I’m the one crew member on the ship that’s not in a command.  Every time I wake up, there’s something going on with the ship that I have to fix.  If I fix it in a way…somehow then I get to where Stan is, and Stan is in some sort of delusional situation.  Stan doesn’t remember this, but I think he slowly is remembering somewhere.  My theory is that Stan’s in a place where when all the delusions split apart, it got concentrated in different worlds.  Stan’s trying to help that world.  This isn’t my ego talking, pen pal, but Stan could use my help, or my assistance.  Plus, Stan…I don’t want Stan to be irritated with me, ‘cause it’s not my fault, either.

 

I haven’t figured out what wormholes or trans-dimensional portals are involved, and Stan has powers that are greater than my understanding, but Stan doesn’t really know about it.  So, Stan’s gonna…so, I’m there to help Stan.  Or yeah, assist Stan.  But first I gotta figure out what this water is.  Okay, so there’s water…there’s a sound of water draining and rushing towards a drain, but it’s pretty loud and I’m trying to figure out…so, I’m going through the ship, pen pal.  Okay, I’m feeling moisture.  Hot air rises; cold air sinks.  So yeah, if I’m in these lower passageways where my head’s…I’m average size, pen pal, and so, my head is closer to the…you know, ‘cause the ships are designed with average people.  So, I’m feeling a lot of humidity around my head.  I don’t know what that means.

 

Okay, wait a second, so I’m going towards the main water.  Okay, some sort of leak in this room, but…oh, okay, yeah, it’s in the…there’s kind of like locker rooms, pen pal, or crew rooms, ready room.  They do have tubs and there’s…I can hear the sound coming from the drain in this tub in this room.  It’s the one I use, which is gonna mean the…but it’s…there’s no…it’s like, somehow the drain is pulling water from the air?  I don’t know.  So, I’m gonna try to plug the drain, pen pal.  I closed the tub; that doesn’t…now it’s making really…the nuns are calling me ‘cause it’s making a sound that’s even more distracting.  So, I’m gonna get some…I’m trying to duct tape it.  That should be airtight, right?  It’s duct tape.  I always thought it was duck tape, but it’s with a t, to seal ducts.

 

Not to seal D-U-C-K-Ss, but man, I can’t…this thing should be airtight, but it’s still making…and I’m getting drier…I feel like it’s sucking the moisture out of me, even.  I gotta moisturize.  Huh, so maybe there’s…I realize there’s space between the molecules in duct tape.  I did not realize that molecular…water’s made up of molecules.  I’m speculating here, pen pal, ‘cause I don’t have Stan here to actually give me facts, but I’m thinking that…and because I’ve been in this position before with other strange stuff, that they…somehow…but I don’t know…I’m trying to follow…I guess I could follow the drain.  Maybe that’ll lead me to Stan?  Okay, but hold on; the sister…okay, yeah, Sister.  Okay, yeah, here’s some moisturizer, and this is…some hydration drinks are in QPDZ1.  Just type that into the computer.

 

Drink those hydration drinks, and I’ll get to the bot…don’t worry, Sister, I’m gonna figure it out.  So, I realize the ship’s getting dried out.  Okay, pen pal, I’m gonna have…I thought I could follow the drain to Stan, but the thing is, if I leave, then this is probably not good.  Then Sister, also, I…luckily, I have her…you can’t hear them.  But she said the sound is still very distracting, and they have to focus on the mission.  So, they’re focused on their mission.  So, I’m following the drain now, and here’s the good news, pen pal; there is…so, the water, it’s getting sucked in the drain but it’s going through this pipe.  Then as it’s…as the water molecules are bonding to themselves…so, I’m gonna hook it up to the humidifier on the ship ‘cause that’s how we keep this ship at a reasonable humidity.

 

So, then that should at least make it a cycle.  I’ll turn up the humidity in the command cabin or whatever they call it; command deck.  So this is…okay, so at least this will work temporarily, but it’s still making…okay, yeah, Sister.  Well, I have the…I have your cabin being re-humidified.  It’ll dehumidify also, Sister.  I know, Sister; I’m…I apologize.  I’ve fixed one part of the problem, but not the main part of the noise that’s annoying you.  Also, I’m…Sister, you should start hearing over the speakers on…in your cabin of various sounds of aquariums and rain.  Can you hear those sounds?  They’re very comforting.  No?  They’re not comforting.  Okay.  Well, I thought some other water sounds…could you just try to focus with those other water sounds with the drain sound behind them?

 

Okay, you tried, but that was only…okay, you tried again.  Okay, so, I’m gonna keep those noises…no?  Okay.  Oh boy.  Okay, so I’m gonna go back to the locker room now.  Okay, so there’s somehow…water’s going through the drain.  Okay, what if I paper over the hole?  This has gotta be…there’s some sort of clue here.  Okay, I’m trying to put paper on top of the…’cause then maybe the paper will…oh, the paper’s just…so there’s enough water going through the paper and then through the duct tape, through the drain, that the water’s…the water just kinda…you know when paper gets wet, even though its…okay, I’m gonna take off the duct tape and the water.  Okay, here’s an idea; the sisters were…what if I take…so they…the sisters got…were into playing the drums for a while.

 

What if I take one of these drums and put it over there, or maybe some…?  Maybe a balloon.  Okay, that sounds…okay, the sisters…she said why does that sound like someone’s rubbing their finger on a balloon?  Okay, sorry, Sister.  That was an attempt to fix it.  Okay.  Okay, you know what I’m gonna do?  I’m gonna take this balloon off him and…’cause I’m still feeling dried out ‘cause I’m so close to the drain.  I’m just gonna lie in the tub over the drain.  Actually, this might work for the noise.  I’m just gonna let the moisture…I don’t know if this is gonna be…I don’t know if it’ll dry out my back, but at least I’ll lie here and see…I’ll leave my clothes on; don’t worry.  ‘Cause then my clothes will get wet.

 

Maybe that’ll keep me…I guess I could turn over every once in a while, but almost like…I’m gonna give up and try to fix this sound, but also by lying here.  I don’t know, I got into lying in a empty tub thinking of different times in my life.  Wait a second; yeah, now I’m feeling the water…and I’m just gonna close my eyes and picture the water flowing through me.  The nuns haven’t called, so that probably means that I’m doing something right as the water drifts through me.  I’ll picture myself as a piece of driftwood or drift-leaf floating towards my friend Stan.  Scooter, wake up, Scooter.  Oh, hey Stan.  Sorry, I was sleeping here.  Scooter, where you been?  Hey Stan.  Whoa, whoa, wow; this is…Scooter, isn’t this a beautiful view?  Yeah.  I’m kinda stunned.  This might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  Is that a…?

 

Scooter, those are…well, let me see if I can explain it to you, Scooter.  Scooter, I missed you.  Stan, I missed you, too.  Scooter, you’re a little bit wet.  Only your front is wet, though.  Yeah, I’ll dry out, I’ll dry out.  I got a…yeah.  So, yeah, I missed you too, Stan.  So, are those…?  Scooter, they’re not hot-air balloons.  If you look closer, those are beings.  Okay.  Wow, this is…might be the most beautiful…so, those are beings just floating upward and…?  Scooter, they’re floating upward and then drifting downward.  Wow.  Yeah, Scooter, you know…remember what you showed me what a lava lamp is?  Yeah, yeah, Stan.  So, this is like an un-contained lava lamp, but the lava lamp is…it’s individual beings.  Okay, so they’re floating up like the stuff in a lava lamp, the goop, and…Scooter, I call them gob-balloons.  Gob-balloons?

 

Scooter, yeah, that’s what they prefer.  I asked them what are they…and they said we’re gob-balloons now.  They used to be gobs.  Okay, so they’re…I guess balloons are one of those interstellar things.  Scooter, yeah, they are, obviously.  Okay, no need to obviously me, Stan.  No need to Stan-splain.  Scooter, I didn’t.  I would have explained to you the history of balloons and how they are an archetype…but Scooter, they…so yeah, they float up and then they float back down.  Also Scooter, due to heat, but not due…there’s no lamp.  Yeah, there’s…this planet has suns, obviously, so it’s not related to the heat from the sun?  Scooter, I don’t…there’s some sort of…there’s something in the Earth here.  I haven’t had a chance to look at it because Scooter, they’re…I’ve been missing you, Scooter, and I was trying to figure out what to do.

 

I realized something wasn’t right.  Okay Stan, tell me more about what isn’t right.  Okay Scooter, so you see the big…can you hear those sounds and the smells and the looks on their faces?  Yeah.  That’s why I thought they were hot-air balloons.  I thought those were paintings, but those are their faces expressing what I could only say is something beyond joy and pleasure.  Scooter, you’re right.  So, they heat up and they float, and then they float back down.  They get towards the Earth, they get warm again, they float back up.  But if you…Scooter, I’ve been here a little while, and I don’t remember…I just remember watching it start, but I’ve been observing it now, Scooter.  Some of this is assumptions, but I assume these are all different-aged beings as well, and they have different…they’re different sizes and masses, Scooter.

 

Some of them, they are dissipating due to this activity.  What do you mean?  Like Scooter, they are just floating and they’re…the elements that make them up, I think, Scooter, are…as they float up and down, they’re getting dissipating into the atmosphere.  They’re not recollecting anything, almost like they could…like they’re not having dinner or something.  So, some of them have disappeared and dissipated into…they’ve de…they’ve become just the elements that…you know what I’m saying, Scooter?  Okay, Stan, and these are conscious beings you’ve…Scooter, I’ve talked to them.  I’ve com…that’s how I knew they were gobs.  Now they’re calling themselves gob-balloons.  Okay, so you got here, you were aware and this process had started for the first time on this planet, you’re saying.

 

Scooter, that’s exactly what I’m saying.  Okay, Stan.  So…wow.  So, okay, so you realized this was new and while they’re clearly enjoying it and we’re enjoying watching them, you felt like something was wrong.  Then one of the parts of the things you realized was wrong was that this may be accelerating…this is not part of their natural life-cycle, or is…could it be part of their natural life-cycle and you’re just observing it and having feelings about it?  Scooter, that’s a great question.  So Scooter, the other thing is there’s…whatever the…I haven’t had a chance to…I’ve been so distracted, but the…’cause the gravity here or something…something’s…whatever’s heating, causing the heat, I don’t have the ability…I’m not made up of a gob, Scooter, so I can’t float like them.

 

The energy I’ve had to expend to communicate and talk to them…I tried spraying soda at them, Scooter, to refresh them or…and to cool them down, and that did not work.  So, I tried to feed them with soda and other…other things, Scooter, but I don’t have the ability to collect things, so that wasn’t sustainable.  They kept going, and I said are you sure this is part of your regular…?  They said…they were more making those sounds.  So then I tried cooling them down so they would stay closer to the Earth so I could talk to them better.  That didn’t work.  So then I said okay, hot-air balloons; we’ve talked about it and we’ve seen in our other things, Scooter…I said okay, let me tether them, throw a tarp over them, and pull them down.  I’ve used my different mechanisms and stuff, Scooter.

 

Nothing would work, even when I got a tarp over a couple of the smaller ones, the…whatever’s causing…they broke free and they weren’t happy about it.  They said we just want to float; leave us be, please.  I mean, they didn’t say it like that, Scooter.  They talked like the nuns.  But they said leave…and then I’m all alone.  I said well, I don’t have anybody to brainstorm with.  I tried imagining, Scooter.  I tried to have an imaginary best friend called pen pal.  You know what, Scooter?  I gotta be honest with you because I’m very frustrated.  Okay, Stan, go ahead.  Tell me all about your…Scooter, I’m M-A-D at you, Y-O-U!, exclamation point, Scooter.  You left me here alone to deal with this.  I wrote it down, Scooter; exclamation points, all caps.  I’m so mad.

 

I’m also mad at the gob-balloons because they haven’t listened to me, they won’t communicate with me.  They’re kind of ignoring me, Scooter.  I’m trying to help.  Scooter, I’m so…can you tell how mad I am, Scooter?  Stan, it looks like you should probably do something to express…you’re expressing yourself and I’m hearing you, but it seems like you have more expression and more of your feelings need to come out, preferably not in soda syrup, though.  Scooter, thank you.  This is why I needed you here.  It makes me more M-A-D that you weren’t here, so I’m gonna lie down on the ground and kick my arms and my feet and make noises because that’s…Scooter, you’re right.

 

But the fact that it took you so long to come here to tell me I could lie on the ground and pound my hands and feet and yell, that now I’m…okay Stan, go…oh boy, Stan, you really threw yourself down there.  I like how you’re…is that writhing?  Are you writhing around on the ground?  Go ahead, Stan.  Keep…get it out.  That’s good; you’re getting it out of your system.  Scooter, I’m stomping.  You are, and it looks like the gob-balloons are watching, too.  It’s like, that’s a great idea.  Scooter, are you being sarcastic?  No, no, no; I like how you’re rolling around in the dirt, even.  I’ve done this before, Stan.  Scooter, I know.  I learned it from you.  You do it all the time.  I don’t do it…I did as…Scooter, I’ve seen you do this before.  Oh, well, I didn’t realize you were looking.  No, yeah, keep going.  Why don’t you curl up…?

 

Scooter, no; I like writhing around, like you said.  I’m gonna go on my other side and…Scooter, why were you so relatable?  Well Stan, I just had to lay down in some sort of cosmic drain.  I just gave up earlier, so I kinda get it.  It really looks like the gob-balloons are really enjoying…they’re still floating and stuff, but they’re paying attention to you.  You’re really getting covered…oh, you know what’s interesting, Stan?  Scooter, what’s interesting?  The dirt on the ground, from up…even from where I’m standing, it kinda looks like a rusty, you know, reddish-orange hue with some browns and stuff.  But when it’s on you, I see that this dirt is made up of speckles of billions of…maybe not billions of colors, but a lot of different colors.  Scooter, what do you mean?  You’re covered in sprinkles, almost, of dirt.

 

Some of it’s neon, like the gob-balloons.  There’s so many…that’s one of the things that’s so impressive about all those floating beings, is the colors they’re making against the sky, and now it’s in a minuscule version on you.  Scooter, I don’t understand.  Can you roll around in the dirt so I can see it on you?  I can’t…I mean, I can kinda look at myself, but I can’t put it in perspective.  Alright, Stan, I’m gonna do the thing where I run in a circle while I’m on the ground.  I think Homer used to do it, and maybe one of the Three Stooges did it.  Okay, Scooter.  Scooter, that’s kinda funny.  You’re not very good at it.  You didn’t do it correctly, but your attempt is funny.  Thanks, Stan.  Okay, so yeah…see?  I’m covered in this dirt.  Scooter, yeah, it looks like these are different elements.  I’m gonna have to start to analyze them.

 

Okay.  Yeah, it looks like the gob-balloons have stopped paying attention now that you’re not expressing your feelings.  Scooter, I’m a little embarrassed that they were watching me.  Okay, well, it looks like you’re blushing anyway, so…Scooter, here’s the thing; I’m feeling energized.  Okay, you’re feeling energized from expressing your feelings, I think, and maybe then being seen expressing your feelings?  No, Scooter, from my…I’m feeling energized from the intake of elements because we were right; these are the same elements that make up the gob-balloons, I believe.  That’s why they’re the different neon colors and bright colors they are.  Scooter, did you also notice that the ground is extremely warm?  Did you notice that?  Yeah, I did, Stan.

 

That’s why I’m still lying on it, because I love a warm…yeah, it’s…I feel like…yeah, it’s nice.  Another thing, Stan, is it’s…the ground is humming.  Did you notice that?  Scooter, I didn’t notice that.  Are you sure you’re not imagining it?  No, I’m not imagining it.  I mean, I’m not…yeah, no.  Scooter, one second though, because I want to…before we get back to you…because I’m not saying you’re imagining the ground’s humming, but I’m trying to communicate to the gob-balloons now, so I’m gonna…I’m gonna use that voice-throwing technology, the ventriloquist thing.  Okay, where you direct your audio?  Scooter, yeah, but it’s…I call it the ventriloquist thingy.  But you’re…okay, so you’re gonna talk to the…what are you gonna tell the gob-balloons?  Scooter, I’ve figured out that the elements they need are on the ground.

 

They have to come back to the ground and get the elements.  Then they won’t…they probably won't dissipate.  Okay, why don’t you just spray them with elements?  Scooter, that’s the thing, so how do I explain this to you?  It’s basic science for me, Scooter.  Don’t worry; I’m talking to the gob-balloons while I talk to you, so I’m multi-tasking.  So Scooter, the elements that make up the gob-balloons are spread over the…probably the whole surface of the planet in small, tiny specks, like you said, like sprinkles.  So, some of it’s getting blown around by the wind and stuff, which is helping sustain the gob-balloons up there a tiny bit, but then when they dissipate, it kinda falls down as dusty rain or dust in the air.  Okay, so, why can’t we just spray more stuff in the air?  Scooter, it’s just…it’s not concentrated enough.

 

We’d have to have a way to constantly do it, and that would make it too dusty.  Okay, so, the gob-balloons need to come down here to kinda re-absorb their elements.  Scooter, each gob-balloon probably has a majority element that’s different for not all of…you know what I mean?  They’re not all the same.  Okay, and what did they…?  So, you told them they have to come down here to re…and what did…Scooter, they’re not interested.  They said leave us alone; we’re floating.  Can’t you see how beautiful and wonderful it is?  Okay, so a little bit of a setback.  Why don’t you lay back down on the ground here with me Stan, because it is pretty nice and warm?  I’m feeling it vibe…oh Scooter, that’s because the ground’s hollow.  Okay, wasn’t all the ground hollow?

 

Scooter, I think we’re…there’s a…okay, Scooter, right over here, if we go to this rock formation and we…there’s a entrance; we can go underneath where you were lying.  Oh, it’s like a cave system, Stan.  Come on.  Scooter…oh look, there’s paintings in here.  Yeah, there’s neon cave paintings in here.  This seems to be some sort of museum, because those cave paintings are…Scooter, they’re protected.  Yeah, they have a protective coating, and they’re murals or paintings of…Scooter, those are gobs rolling around on the Earth.  Yeah, so this is their history, and their history…they’re ground-based beings.  They’re ground-based gobs.  They’re not gob…there’s no…even if we go deeper in the cave, there’s nowhere where they’re floating.

 

Scooter, no, but they’re…a lot of them are merging and un-merging or whatever…yeah, we’ll talk about that one day, Stan.  Scooter, is that the…Scooter, you’re right, and they roll around…oh, and then they exchange elements.  So, a neon-pink one and a neon-orange one…okay, so they’re rolling…okay, Scooter, I get it.  So that’s how they exist, is exchanging elements and rolling around on the ground or traversing the ground and absorbing elements.  Yeah, and it looks like some of them are able to leave some behind and only pick up those…and they have a pretty…it looks like this is pretty developed, different…they must live underground, so somewhere it’s…so, we gotta get them back to the Earth.  Whatever’s happening is not part of their natural…Scooter, it’s not organic, you’d say.

 

Well, you were right, Stan, when you said something’s amiss, so I don’t know what to do.  Scooter, let’s go up and I’ll tell them…I took pictures and I’ll broadcast the pictures into the sky.  Oh, already trying, Scooter; they’re not interested.  Okay, keep explaining it to them, Stan.  So, tell them that the science and the history back this up, that they have to stay Earthbound.  Maybe we could find some comp…oh, Scooter, they’re saying they don’t want to stop and they don’t think they can stop either even if they wanted to.  Only one person said that, though.  Okay, so they’re floating and…so, they’re floating and they are floating…huh, man, and they can’t stop.  They don’t want to stop.  The history and the science are not winning them over.

 

The only thing that made them curious is…okay, I don’t know what to do here Stan, because we gotta figure out…so, there’s something making the planet warm.  Scooter, I gotta tell you though, I don’t think we have time to figure that out because now I’m observing them more and more.  It’s been going on…okay, so we don’t have time to fix the planet right this second.  We have to get them back on the ground to start re-elementizing.  Right, Scooter.  Okay, let’s go back in the cave, ‘cause one thing I did notice in the cave was…oh, those vats of goop, Scooter?  Yeah.  So, there was some gob-balloon goop.  I think that’s their…I think that’s just paint.  So, I have an idea.  Scooter, what’s your idea?  It’s a little bit diff…we’re gonna pretend…we’re gonna cover ourselves…I’m gonna cover myself in neon green.

 

You could pick whatever color you want.  Scooter, I think neon fuchsia.  Okay, I didn’t…I’ve never heard of neon fuchsia, but I can picture it, so I’m sure it exists.  Scooter, it’s over here.  Okay, then we’re gonna go out and we’re gonna go lie on the ground together, next to each other.  Okay, and then we’re gonna throw a fit, Scooter?  No; so, you know when I was saying we’ll talk about it later, and the paintings?  I think this is a very physical…they’re very physical; that’s why they’re getting so much out of the floating.  Being a gob is something…there’s a physicality to it.  Scooter, I don’t understand because I’m…originally I was…even though I’ve evolved, I’m still a soda machine at heart.  Stan, you’re a soda machine with a heart.  Scooter, actually, I technically…okay Scooter, I’ll say yes.

 

Yeah, not on a technicality, but so…you’re all…oh boy, so we’re gonna roll…writhe around on the…we’re gonna pretend we’re on a double date, Stan.  Is that enough for you?  Scooter, we’re gonna pretend…no, we’re gonna…I guess we’re gonna depend…we’re gonna pretend we’re on…we’re gonna roll around in…covered in…we’re gonna roll around on the ground together, Stan.  Scooter, I don’t understand.  Okay, here’s the thing; if you turn on your sensors, we’ll just…we’re just gonna…we’re gonna…the Earth’s warm, the ground feels nice, and we’ll bump each other, just as friends and as a performative thing so that…and believe me, the warm ground I think will be enough alone, and I think I could cover the…I could cover a lot of it.  Scooter…oh, so we’re gonna pretend we’re exchanging elements.

 

Right, we’ll rub back-to-back so that you don’t…and I’ll try to get some of my neon green, and you try to get some of your neon fuchsia.  Scooter, then they’ll see it’s paint.  Not if our backs are connected, Stan.  Remember; just try to feel the goodness and feel the goodness of the Earth, and let go, Stan.  I think that’ll get their attention.  Okay, Scooter, okay.  Scooter, we’re actually…been doing it since…yeah, and they’re paying attention.  See?  Now they’re looking.  We got their attention, they’re interest…oh boy, is this great.  I’m Stan; I’ll put words to it and you broadcast the…oh boy, is this the best, man.  Can’t believe everybody’s up there floating alone as gob-balloons when they could be down here.

 

I forgot…I heard about…I heard that thing say…that soda machine thing say that scientifically we needed the elements on the ground here, and I had forgotten the whole history.  I got so caught up in floating up there I forgot about the whole history of our people and that we were a ground-based being.  I don’t know what strangeness has come over our world to make us float up and down like balloons, but I do know that being down here is pretty…I forgot…I guess I thought that floating was great, but I could feel the elements on the ground here.  Maybe the warmth of the ground is not normal.  I didn’t see anything in the cave paintings about that, Stan.  Scooter, I’ll start analyzing…well, I’ll multi-task again.  Good thing you’re capable of it, ‘cause I’m not.

 

I mean, I guess I…oh boy, am I enjoying this, and I forgot how good it was to exchange some elements with my friend Stan and really get down to business down here.  It’s like a dream come true.  So Scooter, they’re getting closer, but they can’t…Scooter, there’s something else wrong.  Okay, they’re getting closer, Stan, so let’s see if we could…is there a way you could use your nanos to kinda kick up a storm and at least get them some…?  ‘Cause all of them are getting close.  They’re really inter…oh, and they’re starting to exchange…okay, I think this is gonna work, but we still have to figure out this next problem, Stan.  Scooter, I’m kicking up a dust storm, and it does seem…and they’re bonding.  They’re all bonding as a group.  They’re not becoming one, Scoot…whoa, Scooter, those are different noises.

 

Yeah, Stan, those are different noises.  Okay, so I think if we kick up…if you keep kicking up the dust storm and they keep exchanging, this is gonna buy is a little bit of time.  Scooter, those are…their faces are a little bit different than…yeah, that’s a different kind of joy too, Stan.  Oh Scooter, this is…okay, anyway, Stan.  So, yeah…oh boy, so Stan, I don’t know if the Earth…now I’m…I may be warmer than the Earth here.  But so, can you…there’s gotta be something in this Earth that’s not normal.  Can you scan this gravity that’s…and this heat going on?  Okay, Scooter.  Yeah, I’m analyzing and sending nanos in.  Scooter, it’s interesting.  What’s interesting about it?  Scooter, there seems to be some sort of spinning…I don’t know.  It’s something in the center…this planet…I was supposed to have a…I think this is a solid thing.

 

That’s what’s keeping…there’s something spinning in the center of this Earth that’s supposed to be a liquid-core planet.  Okay, but there’s something…yeah, Scooter; it shouldn’t be able to stay solid where it is at the center of the planet, but it’s spinning around, generating…not a…it’s like a magnet…it’s like a heat mag…Scooter, I don’t know what it is.  Okay, Stan.  So, I kinda have an idea of what it is.  It’s not supposed to be there.  Scooter, I’ve got that sense, too.  There’s gotta be a way…Scooter, we can’t get it out of the center of the planet without disrupting…I don’t know how it got in there, Scooter.  Yeah, I think that’s…it’s something…it’s creating a…it’s a…it’s concentrated delusion, Stan.  Scooter, it’s concentrated delusion?  Yeah, elemental delusion.  Okay, Scooter.

 

Well, I think, Scooter, if we…if my…okay, here’s what we can do, Scooter.  The pressure it’s under there…’cause I can’t believe it’s still maintaining solidity, and the speed it’s traveling on is creating the friction and something like gravity that’s increased…more gravity than there’s supposed to be.  But then the heat is causing the gob-balloons to float.  The thing is, Scooter, I think if…my…now, this is purely theoretical and I don’t see how it’s possible, but some part of me is like oh, Stan, you have the power…I don’t know where this power’s coming from, Scooter.  Okay, let’s not analyze where the…what is your power…what is your part of you saying your power can do?

 

Scooter, my power is saying that if it’s…if I can stop it from spinning, that it’ll dissipate, like it’ll be consumed and de…it’ll…the delusion will be consumed and broken down into its base elements by the planet itself.  Okay, so why don’t you get ready to do…Scooter, I real…I’m sorry; I wanted to apologize for losing…getting so M-A-D earlier.  Oh, thanks, Stan, but don’t worry about it.  Just start to slow that down, and let’s lie here.  The Earth’s gonna be only…oh, Scooter, it’s slowing down and…yeah, the gob-balloons are settling on the ground, and it’s slowing.  I can feel the gravity of the planet returning to normal.  I can see them; look at how happy…Scooter, they’re kind of decoupling, a little bit.

 

Yeah, they’re kinda rolling around and getting some of their own elements off the Earth and enjoying their return to the Earth.  I don’t think they have shoulders ‘cause they’re gobs, but they’re shrugging their shoulders.  Scooter, they seem to be like they were caught in a dream.  Yeah, they were caught in a delusion, Stan, but as this slows down, why don’t we lie here on the ground and enjoy the last moments of the Earth’s warmth together, and the paint drying on us?  Scooter, it’s pretty cool; we’re…it was like we were in one of those races where people throw the neon dust on you or whatever, or paint.  Yeah, and we could lie here and get some rest together, Stan, ‘cause I have a feeling we’ll be going through this again soon.  Okay, goodnight, Scooter.  I missed you.  I missed you too, Stan.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)