1087 – Gandalf and The Fellowship of Scooter
A sleepy quest needs a team to support the meanders as they carry you off.
Episode 1087 – Gandalf and The Fellowship of Scooter
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, my patron peeps; patrons, couldn’t do it without you. Thank you so much for the support. So glad to be here with you in your ears. Really, really patrons, Scoots giving you the message here; thank you so much. I hope if you hear nothing else, you hear this part of the podcast, ‘cause I appreciate you. What do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. You don’t necessarily have to do it in that order. That’s just the order I talk about it on the show, though I highly recommend getting some sort of smart speaker setup or something where you can get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play, because it’s nice to be able to turn out…actually, but…weirdest…here’s…I guess I’ll talk about it a little bit more, but I actually have…at the head…right above the head of my bed, I got a light switch. Just happens to be…just happened to be that way, kind of.
Maybe we’ll talk about my light switch tonight. Turn out the lights and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake; thoughts, things on your mind, past, present, future, all at the same time. Definitely happens for me. Oh, constantly. So thoughts, feelings, it could be anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts or that are just there or related to something else or unknown. Or feelings that are just coming in and out, kinda like tuning in the radio. I say is that…are those deep-seated feelings there all the time or did I just dial…did I tune in the wrong…I mean, no offense to those feelings; I know…I’m just being facetious, really. I know all the work we’re doing together.
But it is sometimes…I…ooh, I say oh, I don’t want to listen to that. Oh boy, now the radio dial is stuck in the M-O-R-B-I-D…I say what is…is that…are you…or is it M-O-R-S…moro…? Or, you know. So, what was my point? Oh, feelings could be…feelings…say Scoots, what’s a radio? What’s tuning a radio? I say well, just be grateful…I don’t know. There is a visceral experience to it that’s probably overrated. So one day…don’t worry; go to the Smithsonian. I’m sure they got plenty of radios there, or someplace like that that you say well, I got the Radio and Television Museum in New York. Oh, they just…they say Scoots is strange, but we’re…we…more the history of…we don’t have any radios. I say come on, you’re joking. You’re in my imagination; of course you have radios there.
We have digital displays of radios. No, you’re joking. You’re joking, right? Because I haven’t visit…I think I visited that museum in the nineties, so I know you’re kidding me. But just in case, do me a favor; get some…go to a garage sale, pick up some radios. Don’t make it a digital game, but give…here, give kids a chance to tune radios. I’m sure you do. It’s just…my imagination’s just running wild on that dial. Okay, so feelings, physical sensations could be coming up for you, any changes in time, temperature, schedule, routine, life stuff. Could be something else. Whatever it is that is keeping you awake, I’m here to help. I’m here to take your mind off of it so that you can fall asleep. What I propose to do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, acquired…they’re acquired taste. But Sleep With Me’s an acquired taste you never quite acquire. It’s just like something that’s on the tip of your tongue that you never remember. Sleep With Me, the podcast of…that’s an acquired taste you never quite acquire that’s on the tip of your tongue and you never quite remember. Sleep With Me podcast, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Now, what do I mean by that? If you’re new, first off, I’m so glad you’re here, really. If you’re a regular listener, good gracious, thank you so much for being a regular listener. I’m honored to have you here, new or long-term or mid-term, even…I’m not even kidding; even if you loathe me already, I’m so glad you’re here.
Just give me a few seconds of your time if you’re really feeling strongly about me already. Well, a few minutes, I guess, please. So, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark…lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. That all serves a couple purposes, but the most important…the reason I do it and why I wanted you to stick around just for a few seconds is because I just want you to know you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place you can rest and a bedtime that doesn’t feel heavy and that you could look forward to or at least feel neutral about. That is important, and I’d like to provide it for you. But even if I can’t, I’ll tell you a little bit more.
But I just want to remind you of that, that it is important and you are important, and having that space and this sleep that can be so elusive for some of us. It’s not fair and I hope I can help. If I can, that really would be my honor, ‘cause if you start developing a bedtime routine as a result of listening to this podcast or hearing this podcast and moving on to something else and then you start to get a good night’s sleep as you get a nice routine down, and maybe it doesn’t work all the time, that means that your sleep is gonna improve, your life is gonna be more manageable, and the world we live in will be a better place. If you’re flourishing, if you’re rested, if your world’s better, it really means my world that I live in is better, too. So, that’s important to me. The other side of it is I’ve been there, so I know how it feels.
I mean, you could hear it in my voice. So, that’s the most important thing you’ll hear from me, and it…so, if you decide nope, still loathe you sir or young boy or whatever you…you say…I know you might be using stronger words. Sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou will bring you to a list of other sleep audio and stuff you could check out. So, I hope you find something that does work for you. Now, if you’re more skeptical or doubtful or you’re just not sure and you’re new, give the show a few tries. Hundreds of thousands, maybe even a million people have said it took two or three tries before I got used to this podcast, or I really disliked it and then I came back again, and I realized oh, he was serious when he said it was a taste you never quite acquire…acquired taste you never acquire a taste for because it’s on the tip of your tongue and you never quite remember.
That’s actually an inept but apt…he’s inept and apt at the same time. So, yeah. That’s a fact. It’s true. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. Two of the hardest things is that this is a podcast you don’t really listen to; you just barely pay attention. I guess that metaphor I kinda came up with even though it’s not a metaphor. It’s like oh wait, no, that’s…it’s not metaphorical. That’s really how I use the show. Yeah, it’s kind of a passive, barely-engaged type of listening for the podcast. It’s here and you can listen if you need it during the day for a break or if you can’t sleep for some reason. I’m here to the very end to keep you company, but that also means you don’t have to listen to me. I’m here to keep you company. This is a one-way kinda thing, this part of the podcast.
I’m just here to talk and take your mind off of stuff and make the deep, dark night feel a little bit less lonely. This show also does not really put you to sleep; it keeps you company, like I just said. So, that’s a little bit different. It’s a podcast that you fall asleep while listening to more than puts you to sleep, or fall asleep while you’re not listening to it, I mean…or somewhere in between. So, those are two important things. The other thing that can throw new listeners off, regular listeners off, or people that are having a rough day is the structure of the show. The structure of the show is aligned with the goals of the podcast and kind of what I’ve learned about sleep after making this show for like seven, eight years.
So, the structure of the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Normally I try to say something silly or witty. This time I was quoting pop songs that…when I record this is about six months before the episode will come out. So, that’s…but I say maybe that song’s still popular. So, that way you hopefully feel welcome and seen and you say oh, okay, this podcast isn’t super serious, either. So, that’s the greeting. Then there’s support for the show through the sponsors and membership, and then there’s support for the community, support for listeners, and the sponsors and the support, that means I want the…my goal around the podcast is that it comes out twice a week for free and it’s not behind a paywall or an exclusive platform.
That’s what enables us to do that. Then there’s the intro, which is different than the support, but it goes on and on and on for somewhere between twelve and twenty minutes. Between the support and the intro, it really can get people very strongly feeling stuff, and the…I guess they move on after that. But the intro serves a purpose for most listeners. Now, not every listener, but for most listeners and for myself and from everything I’ve read about sleep is that having a wind down routine, even having a wind-down routine that feels like a little bit like a ritual or something special or a habit is what’s gonna have the biggest impact on you on a regular basis, is having some time set aside to get ready for bed and to have some time to have a separation from your daytime or your evening and your sleeping time, like a landing strip or a transition zone.
Ideally, Sleep With Me is part of that. You start listening as you’re getting ready for bed or as you’re doing something relaxing or you’re just lying in bed, slowly chilling out. That’s how most people listen, but that doesn’t mean there’s a wrong way to listen. There’s thousands of patrons that listen to story-only episodes. There’s 2% or 3% of people that skip ahead, and then there’s people that listen all night. There’s people who set sleep timers for thirty minutes, forty-five minutes, sixty minutes, two or three hours. So if you’re new, give it a try and just see how it goes, but ideally, try out…try the show as part of your bedtime routine and the intro is like your wind-down and your getting-comfortable-type phase.
Then there’s sponsors, and those again enable us to be out twice a week for free, over 350 episodes free in our archives. Then there will be our bedtime story. Tonight it’ll be interesting. It’ll be a little bit personal and a little bit about Lord of the Rings, or the Fellowship of the Rings, a part of the Lord of the Rings book. Well, it’s more about the movie, the Peter Jackson film, but it’s mostly about me, like everything, and kinda probing and asking Gandalf for some help. So, there’s that part. Then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. Really glad you’re here. Oh, my light switch; so I have at the head…I don’t have a headboard. I don’t know if I’ve ever talked about that before. I’ve always said maybe I’ll get a headboard, and then I never do.
But maybe one day I will. Right now I don’t have a headboard but at the head of my bed, above where the headboard would be, is a light switch. Now, my room was not necessarily designed as a bedroom because this…anyway, where I live was a repurposed space. But it was designed…whatever it was before that was always a light switch, the light switch, but it got…it has a dimmer on it. But I don’t really use my bedroom light. I’m not a…again, I guess I practice some of the stuff in the podcast, so I have one light that’s on in my room that’s not part of the light system, like a plug-in…whatever, a light that’s…I don’t know, a separate light. Is that what you call it? It’s not…it’s like one of those lights that has less blue light in it or whatever. It’s more of a orange-ish color.
So, that’s normally the only light I use, but if I do have my bedroom lights on, it probably means it’s…I don’t know. I say oh boy, it’s too bright, and then if I use the dimmer, I say well, I could just turn on my little light here. But I just think it’s strange that I can…I rarely use the lights, but I could reach up and turn them on or off. So, it could be convenient for somebody else one day. But I don’t know; I think about…I said well, I never talked about that on the podcast before. I said I would. It wasn’t very juicy, but yeah, I got a light switch in my room. Surprise, surprise. You learn something new every day. Yeah. I mean, it’s cool; it only has the dimmer in there, and it’s one of those ones that’s next to the light switch. I never lived anywhere…it’s a traditional flicky light switch, a US traditional one. But then it has next to it that thing. But then I think they’re LED lights.
I couldn’t change them. I tried to change the lights one time. I couldn’t figure it out. They’re like recessed LED lights or something. I said well, let me put in one my light bulbs, but…and then I said I don’t…I can’t figure this thing out. I think it’s permanent, or those LED lights are supposed to last a long time. But yeah, so it has the dimmer. I don’t know what my point was behind…but this one thing I just don’t utilize enough of, my dimmer in my room, ‘cause I usually…I don’t know. Yeah. Talk about petering out. This is like Sleep…this is prime Sleep With Me stuff. So, I’m glad you’re here to listen to me ramble. I really appreciate your time or I appreciate you coming back episode after episode. I could not do it with all…out all of you. Yeah, I’m glad you’re here. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to be here for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here and this is a little bit different episode here, I think. I’m gonna…so, I’ve been thinking about…I’m always in the place of trying to personally grow, and I’m only laughing just because I’m feeling very vulnerable sharing this, and being like okay, this is gonna be…this is a interesting creative constraint, you know, of trying to put you to sleep and tell a story and see where it goes. I’m still on the journey. I’m still searching, like a lot of us, and sometimes I forget I’m even looking for something, right? Then sometimes I’m reminded oh wait, I’m kinda looking for something here. What am I needing? One of my cornerstones are the affirmations in Ruth King’s book Mindful of Race, so if you haven’t read that book, it’s an amazing book, but in addition to the amazing content, it also has these amazing affirmations in there.
As I’ve been thinking about that and…let’s see, where am I going with this? Well, ‘cause I’m probably going a direction you might not expect. You know when you see someone that has some sort of…a little bit more freedom of their emotions, but not freewheeling in their emotions or their feelings, and an ability to really have clearer boundaries but also a deep-seated confidence. For some reason I was just…I’ve been thinking about this in different ways over the past…a lot of times when I’m walking the dog and just thinking about boundaries…not just…I don’t know, and saying huh…there’s a part of me that I’m trying to reestablish a connection with that doesn’t trust me. I’ll be honest with you. It’s like a more childish, childlike part of me, and saying hey, I think you can trust me.
I’m trying here to take care of you and make good choices and keep you safe and have some more trust and hope in the world, and draw that kid out and say it’s okay, I’m here to soothe you, I’m here to see you, and I’m here to walk with you in the world. But that kid says well, sometimes you don’t follow through on…are you gonna follow through on this, Drew and Scoots? This is more Drew, but what’s interesting is…so I said yeah, but I don’t…I said what do you really need? I said well, I want to feel a little bit more confident in the world. Then I said well, what kind of person or what kind of confidence are you looking for, particularly with these harder-to-put…I said I can feel how you’re feeling, and I see some of that vulnerability and some of those physical and emotional feelings that might be harder to put words to.
So, what is it you’re looking for? Can you give me…and I know it might be hard to put into words. Can you get…can you describe it to me or give me an essence of it? This is a process, so maybe I did that and then it bubbled back up. But I kept coming back and I said well, what do you need? How can I provide it or how can I better understand? I know what you need, but I don’t know how to…there’s the idea of faking it ‘til you make it, but it’s kinda hard when you’re faking something ‘til you make it that you don’t know what it is, right? Then it came to me, and came very clearly…and probably one of the most misquoted scenes for…by me from a movie, because I’m gonna misquote it now ‘cause then every time I go to rewatch it, I’m like oh, that’s not how it happened in my mind.
Also a movie I’ve been trying to get my daughter to watch, maybe the extended version. I’ve only watched one-and-a-half movies of the…whatever, extended versions of The Lord of the Rings, The Fellow…the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I know I want to watch it before the series starts or the movie…the next round of movies start, or before…I don’t know. Here’s the thing; is Timmy C gonna be in those movies or those things? I don’t know any of the casting, but I say wait a second, could we get…is there a chance of that? But I said…okay, so there is a scene in the first movie, Lord of the…there’s Fellowship of the Rings, the Two Towers, and the final…no, Desolation of Smaug’s one of the Hobbit movies. Return of the King is the last one. Thank you.
If you’re familiar with these movies or probably memes…and it’s hard for me…I say wait, did those movies come out in the nineties? But probably came out in the aughts, I’m guessing. But so, there’s a character in there. Well, let’s not get…well, yeah, there’s a character in there called Gandalf. In the first movie, it’s…his name is Gandalf the Grey. Gandalf the Grey has been…made various multiple appearances in my life, throughout my existence, so I’m not…I know I read The Hobbit first, ‘cause I can picture the Hobbit…’cause even…what’s interesting…well, I think this…I can picture one version of the Hobbit in my hand as a child, and actually it seems like the cover that they’re…they’ve been using for a long time, of a mass-market paperback.
Then I probably…when I tried to read Lord of the Rings and it didn’t quite…it was dense, you know. It was probably beyond my ability. But you know, I read it and some of my friends read it. This was kind of when we were in our fantasy kick. There was also a animated film or mini-series and I know we watched that, me and my friends. There was also a game…I don’t know if it was on…my friend Charlie had it…whose house we would go at to play computer games or…and video games, actually now I’m thinking about it. But he had this game, but it was very…I think it was more of a strategy game because I can remember every time we tried to play it, I couldn’t figure it out. It involved a lot of maps, and then occasionally there’d be this side-scrolling sequence with the companions. Is that what they’re called?
The Fellowship of the Ring and the companions, I think, maybe. No, no; the companions are from Dragonlance? But so, of them side-scrolling, and then you’d go somewhere. So, I don’t know the video game other than…I think I may even tried to play it on a emulator. Maybe I’ll try it later today, to play it. So, that was one thing. Then later in life…and I can picture exactly where I was. I don’t know what job I had. So, I remember getting curious about the Fellowship of the Rings again, and I think it was one of those synchronicity things where I was getting curious about re-reading it. I was doing a lot of reading ‘cause I had delivery jobs. So, when you do a delivery job, you never know if you’re gonna be running early or the person is running late or whatever. You need…having a paperback was always a big plus.
So, I remember picking up at a Goodwill or a Rescue Mission, a thrift store type place, ‘cause I can picture myself in there…I wanna say it was in Syracuse, New York, but…I wasn’t living in Syracuse, but maybe that’s just ‘cause that’s where the archetypal thrift store is in my mind. ‘Cause I think I also tried on some clothes, or maybe the books were by a dressing room. But I’m guessing it was probably when I was out on a delivery and I saw a Goodwill. I said hey, let me pop in there. I don’t think it was a Goodwill ‘cause it was very high ceilings, though I don’t know; some of the newer Goodwills that are in old big box stores are like that. But this was years ago. But this was before the movies came out, but they were in production.
So at some point, I picked up a Fellowship of the Ring, or The Fellowship of the Ring, whatever the first book is called, and reread it, and again got swept up in that world again, and then read the other two books, then saw the movies as they were released, then probably rewatched the movies at least once, and then whenever the extended versions came out, I bought those, but I haven’t…I only made it halfway through the Two Towers, just ‘cause I want to watch it with my daughter. But so, at some point…so, during the movie…so, this is during the film, and I believe it’s Ian McKellen, right, who plays Gandalf the Grey in the first movie. Now, this is a deviation from the books, but yeah, Gandalf is a character…also appears in The Hobbit, the book, but also The Hobbit films which are much different than the book.
We’re talking about the Lord of the Rings movies. So, okay, so in the first movie there’s a bunch of stuff happening, and this was a pretty hyped scene as far as the build up to the movie release…came out, ‘cause I said this is…so, this was the beginning of the aughts. They said oh boy, there’s this one scene at the end of the movie with this CGI character and it’s groundbreaking and all that. That character’s name was the Barlog. I don’t know a lot about the mythology of the Barlog, and I probably should dig deep into it more, but it’s part of a sequence where they’re going through the Mines of Moria. I think that’s what they…they’re trying to take a shortcut. In case you’re unfamiliar, I’ll try to give you a version without spoiling it too much. But there’s…how do you do a shortcut?
So, you have the Fellowship of the Ring, right? Their job is to get this ring to Mount Doom, I think, and get…throw it in the lava, keep it from Lord Sauron, which you shouldn’t get mixed up with Saruman, which of course I always do. Then do that, but the ring tempts everybody. But anyway, they’re out on this thing and of course Sauron’s trying to catch them to get the ring. So, they end up stuck and they gotta go cut through this mountain because it’s the most…all the…they’re having trouble…or these mines which go through this mountain. The mines have been shut down for a while and there’s trouble in the mines. They have one level of trouble, then they try to get outta there, and Gandalf’s already warned them, like oh boy, sleeping deep in this mountain is stuff we don’t want to wake up.
But they wake it up, this Barlog, and the Barlog is from…like, a Barlog…you’ve seen a Barlog before or a version of it in big boss battles, probably some games…probably close to the ultimate big boss battle. Now that I’m talking this out, I’m glad we are, because we got a lot of powerful themes here that reflect this little kid I was talking to, because I say well hey, I’m looking for something. So, you have…in this part…I’m thinking…I’m picking it more apart for the archetypal stuff, not the plot stuff. You got different levels of stuff that would be a concern to the…if we’re pro…if we’re doing some pro…exterior projection, and whatever, let’s just say Scoots is made up of all these different parts, or all of us, if you want to project yourself, of the companions, the Fellowship of the Ring.
Maybe that’ll be another…maybe that could be something else we could go through instead. But so, this one…this time, we’re looking at this Gandalf; maybe as the episode goes on, we’ll look at these other ones. But if you’re looking…okay, what are they worried about? Well one, they gotta get through the…they have their mission which they’re just at the beginning of, and they gotta get this ring across the entire country. Also, I just downloaded this app; talk about a Sleep With Me tangent. I don’t know where I saw it, but it’s a app where you could walk…if you’re into walking or running, I think it just tracks your running or walking. But you could eventually walk Frodo and Sam’s entire journey. I’ll try to remember to put a link to it in there.
Okay, but so…okay, so at this particular part of the movie, you have your overall long-term goals, right? You have your mid-term goal which is just to get through this mine so you could get through the mountain onto the next stage of your journey. Now luckily for them — spoiler — they do get a rest…a little bit after this, some respite, I think, but I always get stuff…maybe they don’t. Maybe this isn’t where they get their respite. Maybe it’s in a couple more scenes. But so, okay, so, where are we? Okay, so we have the long-term goal, the medium-term goal, and then the short-term goal is just to get across this one bridge. Meanwhile, the Barlog is coming, right? They’re all trying to get across the bridge. Also, they’re dealing with other antagonists like smaller-scale ones.
All this to say, after, whatever, fifteen minutes, is…so, they’re all doing that. It’s going…it’s not going perfect. The bridge is starting to teeter-totter, and you…just like in a good movie, you say oh boy, are they gonna…is everyone gonna make it? Are they gonna make it? That’s be…that’s…then the Barlog comes, and then they say whoa, if it couldn’t have got worse, it just did. We learn that this Barlog is the biggest boss battle. Actually, one of the biggest ones in the whole sequence of films, as far as capability and size. So, what happens is the Barlog is chasing them, and Gandalf is this old wizard, right, or older wizard, wise. But Gandalf also…some of the things I like about Gandalf and especially Ian McKellen’s portrayal of Gandalf, but I think even in the books, from what I remember, is while Gandalf is kind of reserved, one, he’s looked upon as a leader, right?
But in a sense of…not like this perfect leader or a leader of an organization, but he’s a figure people look forward to visiting, and he is…I’d have to remember seeing him cry, but he is quick…he does have a temper, but a healthy temper. I think that’s really important for me, and he also…so, he has the ability to express those feelings and also takes people to task for not following through on stuff, and has the ability to take a strong position without worrying about what other people think of him. Gandalf is also quick to laughter and joy and has fun. I think back in the day, I used to look at…also enjoy that Gandalf liked to smoke and drink, but let’s just look at it more symbolically, that he’s a joyous person that has fun. So, those are things…especially when you think about models for behavior.
Now you say Scoots, didn’t you model your behavior after sitcom characters like Kirk Cameron’s character in Growing Pains? I’d say yeah, yeah, this is a road we’ve been down before; you’re right. I did see Kirk Cameron’s character, which…Growing Pains…I don’t even know what his character on the show was called. Mike Seaver, I think. Or Zack whatever from Saved by the Bell could be another example. I don’t think Tony Maselli from Who’s the Boss…there’s probably other ones. But I say yeah, I’ve been led…I’ve been misled by a sitcom…this is a film though, so…and…based on underlying literary material. So, isn’t it more okay for me to find a healthy…? Oh, well, let’s just think about it, then.
Okay, so, all that aside, if we’re just having fun…so, what I’m leading towards is that there’s this one sequence where Gandalf says…he’s standing on this bridge. Frodo Baggins, the ring-bearer…is that what he’s called? The holder of the…the ring-bearer. I don’t know if that’s what he’s officially called, but he’s the one in charge of the ring, the real hero who has the toughest task, though I would…oh, well, I guess we could get into those things. So, okay, so Gandalf says…so, he says Frodo, keep moving. Don’t worry about me. Then Gandalf says to the Barlog, you shall not pass. I think that’s incorrect, though. I think he says you will…he…I always think you shall not pass. But he probably says something else. I can remember watching on DVD at a party or something, and we kept re-watching it again and everybody was yelling it and dancing around.
Probably we were re-watching it before we saw the second movie. He puts his staff down and it makes the bridge fall, and he falls…well, first it seems…well, I don’t want to spoil it, but I will spoil it…well, I have to spoil it, I guess. I won’t spoil the specifics. I mean, this movie came out in like 2003 or 2002 or 2000 or something, so…oh yeah, let’s just say…so Gandalf unexpectedly saves the day. I think what he thought was he was doing a self-sacrifice, then he thought he would get out of the self-sacrifice, but then the Barlog says oh no you didn’t, and he gets Gandalf…takes Gandalf along for a ride. But I think having that…what I’m in search of is that fierceness. That’s the word I’ve been looking for that I haven’t been able to find, and I just found it here. We found it together…is this fierce defender named Gandalf.
Gandalf, I guess I’m talking to you directly, and all the people that created Gandalf and the versions of Gandalf, is thank you for your fierceness, because I would like to figure out how to find that healthy fierceness inside of me that says you won’t pass. But not so much it says that, because I do have to let a lot more…through that one last stretch of the bridge, right? Because sometimes I say you shall not pass, but it’s way back before we got into the mine, and we would have never got into the mine if my…part of me that doesn’t feel fierce, it just feels more defensive, says well, let’s not pass at all, but definitely don’t let them pass even close to us. But if I knew I had someone inside me, which I’m assuming I do somewhere; that’s why I’m talking about this, to try to let it come out, is to say you shall not pass.
Oh boy, so that the Frodo in me…even though in the movie it’s a little bit different. So again, this is projection. Sorry Gandalf, I’m double-projecting…like, that…so that the Frodo in me or Sam Gamgee or whatever says oh boy, okay…and I realize if you’re a Lord of the Rings superfan, I might be…this might not be the episode for you. But I don’t know, Gandalf, I appreciate that fact. So, if there…if I could find…if I could talk to the Little Andy inside me and say hey, I think there is this Gandalf in there that would be fierce in your defense and say hey, no, no, no, not passing by here; you can get close, but you’re not passing here…just knowing that was available to you…because it was a holistic fierceness, right?
Am I just…that’s how I feel about it, is it wasn’t even — as we’ll find out — one-sided or based in some sort of right or wrong or all-or-nothing. It was just saying you’re not coming this way. I can’t let you come this way because I’m here to defend the ring-bearer and protect that mission, which for me, it’s about protecting Little Andy, right, and giving Little Andy a safe place to exist, but not overly…not impossibly safe, right? So, that’s one thing I appreciate about you, Gandalf, and that I hope I can access more of. Then the other thing I appreciate is that you showed us…and again, I don’t know…have any idea what of this occurred in the book, but there’s this transformative nature that you go on between the two movies and at the start of the second film, or at some point in the second film.
My imagination and what really happened are two different things, or my memory. But so, my impression is that you and the Barlog went on a journey. I think you fell to the center of the Earth or something, and then you went back and forth possibly for thousands of years in a place beyond time. Eventually…this again may be all made up, so I apologize to everybody that’s a fan of this stuff, but that you relented in some sense and then the Barlog…I don’t think that you necessarily defeated the Barlog, but you won through non-resistance, right? Maybe again that’s…but that there was something transformative about your relationship with the Barlog beyond just a fight for one victor.
But maybe not, ‘cause I haven’t re-watched that part of the film in at least a couple years, and…but then, that transformed you from Gandalf the Grey into the White Wizard, which again, the movie I don’t believe…maybe there’s exposition or stuff that I’m missing out on. When I first saw the movie…the first two times I saw every film, I was definitely under the influence, so my memory is…and then maybe I was under the influence of my phone the last time I watched it. But like I said, I only watched half of the second movie. But that’s where you make your transformation. But I don’t know if it’s necessarily explained, right? Then when do you have to…? Wait a second, but then you also have to go up to the tower, but that’s when you’re…are you Gandalf the Grey in that part or is that when you become the White Wizard?
Forgot about that part of the film, too. But I think you’re…but whatever, you become…you transcend into some other version of yourself, a little bit less grounded on Earth and more ethereal and more powerful, but still wanting to be involved in Earth’s events. But you definitely have a more serene deal, so you’re a little bit…your humanity, like your temper and your mirth and your humor I think are a little bit dialed down, though you still have some amusement. You have a different kind of confidence because you’ve been to the world beyond. So, that might be helpful too for me, but also it’s an example of…saying you shall not pass does not mean that it’s…never becomes a all-or-nothing situation, right? To say hey, well, can I also be curious about whatever’s…and say well, could this transform?
Again, I’ve never done any martial arts. I would be interested one day if I ever had a double version of me, ‘cause that is the…what people talk about, like redirecting the energy in different martial arts. So, Gandalf…I…if I could call on you, whether it’s deep within me or some version of you in the archetypal universe or the energy out there to help me find that within me, that ability to say with fierce confidence you shall not pass, to give some sort of soothing and confidence to not just me but for the other listeners out there, I think this is something a lot of us need as human beings. Sometimes it might just be what we’re bringing in, this…to say hey, this shall not pass. Let me move my…let me acknowledge and see my thoughts and then redirect and put myself back in the present moment, which Gandalf seems to inhabit.
So, there’s that. While I’m asking for favors though…next up, Sam; I’d like to send you a bit of a projection request. So first of all…I think Sam Gamgee’s the name, and I think this is…thinking about the books; maybe I read the books twice in a row, but I’m not sure, so I’m not positive. But Sam worked for Frodo at first, maybe, and…but was also Frodo’s best friend. I always felt like there was other elements to their friendship, like even when I read the books. I said wait a second, is this…how…where is Sam at? He loves Frodo unconditionally, I think we could safely say, and I think that’s portrayed in the books and the movies pretty well. But one thing is…holy cow, Sam has…now, Sam’s not patient with everybody, so…with Smeagol, you’re definitely…Sam does not necessarily have a lot of patience or open-mindedness.
Some of that behavior…I would say Sam, okay…but so…but we’re not gonna…nobody’s perfect, right? Sam would be the first to admit it. None of us are perfect, Mr. Scooter. But one thing, Sam, I really appreciate is your patience. Holy cow, and it’s the kinda…a different kind of patience than the one that gets glorified on most Hollywood…oh, nobody…patience really doesn’t get the promotion it deserves. But I particularly want to think about the patience…’cause your patience is grounded in this unconditional love or loyalty, some might call it, to both Frodo and the overall…Frodo’s overall mission, and also to the task at hand. I mean, that was so much walking and so much…and then putting up with so much stuff, even…you’re not…you weren’t easy to deal with, Sam, but neither was Frodo or Smeagol, right?
So, I would say that I definitely could use your patience, Sam, and a patience that’s more grounded in well, what do I have to do to be of service here and keep things moving forward? If I could ask you for that patience…this kinda feels…well yeah, no, I mean, I need that, really. For the time being, I’m really gonna use this…sometimes people wonder am I making this stuff up, or…but it’s like, I’d like to kinda find that visual. I mean, I guess for the time being until the show comes out, it will be the characters from the movies, ‘cause they kinda dominate my imagination now. But to find that Sam Gamgee-level patience and say okay, let’s keep it calm here. What are we supposed to be doing? I know we don’t want to go on this journey, and oh boy, you’re right, does it never seem ending, and we gotta deal with this Smeagol, and Frodo’s irritable.
Okay, what do we…so, I gotta…we gotta cook, we gotta prepare things, we gotta clean up, gotta keep an eye on stuff. Also a wariness; I would say that maybe you could have used Gandalf’s help in helping your temper and your protectiveness, and maybe having Gandalf there obviously would have put Sam a little bit more at ease. But you were doing…you did a great job and you kept things going, even in difficult times. So, Sam, if I could really channel that for you…now let’s see, some of the other characters…let’s see. So, we have the elf, Orlando Bloom, Legolas. Now, Legolas, I don’t know, he definitely had an ease, but you had a good time too, like a very physical, fluid good time. So, I don’t know. I wish I could have your ease about the world and your fluidness overall.
But I think especially your playful ease with others and your ability to move about the world…I guess…what do they say? Wear the world like a loose garment. I don’t know if the elves have a saying like that, but you seem to have that. Obviously, I mean, I guess this is tropey, but elves love nature and all those kinda things. But you seem to also love another…you had a good idea of right and wrong, but I guess in more of the shades, right, of not an all-or-nothing right or wrong, but you were aware of Strider and Frodo’s mission. You’re pretty dedicated, I guess, to the…to what you view as the mission. I think the most important thing I could take from you, now that I’m talking it out, is not just that wearing it like a loose garment, but the ability that it gives you to creatively problem-solve.
I don’t know, like snowboarding on a shield or jumping on shoulders of big things. So, I would also like that from you, if I could possibly access that. Especially in…also when I’m driving or in crowds say well, how could I be like Legolas in this situation, and just kind of smoothly roll through it? That would be handy, right? Okay, so next up is Gimli, right, is the dwarf. I’m not sure. Gimli; I think that’s it. You’re very curmudgeonly and skeptical, so I can definitely identify with those things and tend to express your displeasure, but you don’t let it slow you down, right? You don’t seem to fixate…well, you do fixate on it a little bit. Maybe I guess I gotta view it like…to let you do that, right? To have you along is important, and to say oh, okay, go ahead; you could…yeah, go ahead and express…you’re still committed to the mission.
You were there along the whole way. It’s a bit of bluster, right, what you’re doing when you’re correcting me, ‘cause I definitely got you already, or when you’re kinda saying oh boy, this is…or that’s not how you do it, or what…that’s not a good idea, or I prefer…I don’t want that for dinner; all those things that you say, you’re…it’s stuff you’re just letting out. You don’t really have that much of a filter, but that doesn’t mean you’re standing in the way. You just gotta express yourself, right? That’s maybe just how you do it. So if you could help me remember that, that would be a huge help, is that…they say okay, well, I don’t have to…I can trust you, right? I guess for me a lot of times when I feel that part of me that’s similar to you expressing itself, I feel a little bit threatened.
Maybe it’s just Gandalf saying don’t worry; he’s on for…this is a trustworthy companion. We didn’t…Gimli and the Fellowship…Gimli’s not best friends with Legolas by mistake. He’s along here because he’s a reliable, essential, trusted ally. Yeah, sometimes not every trusted ally expresses themselves that’s gonna make you…a way that’s gonna make you comfortable all the time. But remember, we’re all heading in the same direction here together. We’re all trying to get Frodo to the ring, to the Mount Doom. So, okay, so that’s definitely important. So, okay…so, that’s Gimli. Now Boromir…I mean, I guess I can mix it up, ‘cause then I say holy…now we’re getting into the Game of Thrones, right?
But I think Boromir…I think for me, it is about expanding that idea of…sometimes people make bad choices for the…wrong choices for the…what they think is the right reason, or they get carried away and their judgement gets clouded and they make a bad mistake. That happens, and we gotta say hey, you’re…’cause you’re kind of an idealist, right? Your ideals might not be the same that I have or that some of the other Fellowship had, but it is an ideal that you’re striving towards…towards solving things, right? In your mind you had an ideal, and also that it’s okay that some of that and some of those choices came from a vulnerable place, a place you say well, this is of…maybe disease. You say okay, well, yeah, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m sure…I think you’ve…maybe someone said that to you; hey, it’s okay.
You also have the ability to change your choices or make a new choice moving forward, and…but to remember yeah, that’s…but also to remember not to hold onto those…your idealism, also to balance the Fellowship, right? I guess I have to remember that, to not overly identify, to say well, is Boromir here getting a little too one-note? I say no, this has gotta…this is the only way to solve this. I’m seeing the right way to do this and I’m gonna have to take total control instead of saying well, what’s out of our control? Is there a way we can have your idealism, Boromir, but also say in the Serenity Prayer, they say grant me the power to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Maybe you’re the person that says…is…would be best served reminding me to say that or to pause, which I guess leads into the next thing which is Strider or Aragarn…Aragorn or Aragon. I always says Aragorn, Aragon, Aragarn…who also has a lot of quiet confidence, competence, but you, I think, do represent that bridge that Boromir couldn’t walk across, and you also have this confidence, holy cow, but to say yeah, that might be out of our control. Let me see what we can do here. Oh boy, this is frustrating. How are we gonna fix this and figure it out and keep things moving, or what else can I do? Also, you have the ability to build alliances and go between other worlds because of your friendly confidence, but also you have a little bit of Gandalf in there, right?
You have some…you have how you see things and your limits, but you do that…you have a friendliness that allows you to be…say hey, get along with the elves, get along with these humans over here. I could get along with these humans over here. I can see something’s not right and I’m gonna be more curious about it. I’m gonna feel feelings when it’s appropriate for me to…you know, that come up. But I’m also gonna do the job, but I’m gonna treat people with dignity and respect and friendly dignity and respect. You got that kinda half-smile on your face that I think is necessary, so I think for you, I have to ask for your friendliness most of all, and that half-smile, and to say yeah, you can…let’s move…it’s good to move between these worlds and to be friendly between these worlds and say hey, hi, how can I build an alliance like what you’re doing here?
Or oh, I’m not so sure about this, or isn’t this a lovely thing the elves do? So, hopefully you could guide me with that, or I could look to you and just look at that look on your face and say well, Strider was calm, and…so, there’s that. Then we get to Frodo. Whoops, I forgot Merry and Pippin, so…Merry and Pippin, sorry about that. You are very necessary characters and really…so…huh, I guess you two…really, you are necessary. I forgot…totally forgot about you, but I do need your spirit not just of curiosity, joyous curiosity about the world; without that, the adventure wouldn’t have moved forward, right? You move the story forward because of your joyous curiosity, and then what you learned through your joyous curiosity through other characters in the films, you absorbed those skills and you did change, and you did change events and actually lead events.
So, that is something I need, holy cow, even to deal with all this other Fellowship of the Scoot…the Fellowship of the Scoots is your joyous curiosity, so help me find that on a regular basis. I have to stay curious and curiosity based in joy, or empathy and compassion. Maybe that’s where Strider’s bridge is there. But you two, you’re like hey, let…what is it? If you came into my world and somebody was selling mud pies, you’d probably eat one ‘cause you’d say mud…I love pies. Is it like a spice cake? No, it’s a mud pie. It’s a pie made of mud. Okay, I’ll have one, then. You know, I’m sure you’re…I’m sure a Hobbit’s constitution’s different anyway. So…and you went along for the ride because you were curious, right? Or you got to ride on Treebeard, who I look up to so much.
Also, I don’t know if anybody knows about Barky, the one tree god…my belief system. But Merry and Pippin, I almost forgot…I wasn’t staying curious, right, and that’s an important thing. Then finally Frodo; Frodo, holy cow. You teach me so much. You hold up the light to imperfection, to moodiness, but to going to the end of the line, to endurance and resilience. I guess most of all, if we were looking for a buzzword for you, it would be resilience, and real resilience, because this faux resilience that…sometimes some part of me says fake it ‘til you make it. It wasn’t like you just said well, it’s A…trials are like oh, I deal with A, then I get to B, then I overcome B, then I go to C.
Oh no, no; you did, over more than one time, go into the dark night of the soul, as they say, or the cave without lights, and felt hopeless…felt normal feelings that someone would feel there, and still never forgot what needed to be done and still was willing to take it to the end of the line. Also, sometimes you were nice when you could have been…even though sometimes you were grouchy and sometimes it was the ring, and sometimes you didn’t think you could go on. That’s when Sam was there, or Smeagol, Gollum, or as a reminder for you. But you really…yeah, resilience, endurance, but not forgetting that you’re…I mean, I guess for me, ‘cause I got to…I get to project, to say hey, think of all the times Frodo wasn’t perfect, but Frodo remembered and that Frodo didn’t want to do it, right?
You did it even when you didn’t want to do it at all, understandably, too. No one could…and you didn’t really so much have a choice. You said, well…and in that sense, that’s important to remember, is an acceptance of that fact. Sometimes you’re not gonna want to…you’re gonna feel some resentment or some resistance to that, but for most of the time, you say well, gotta take this ring to Mount Doom or wherever…whatever Scoots forgot, throw it in the lava, the place of its forging, and maybe the movie you think will end multiple times, but it has more than one ending because that way…so, that’s one thing Scoots thought the first time he saw it, I guess, that he’s still thinking about. Just like Frodo though; I say well, but I still gotta get to this…end of this episode.
So, it starts with Gandalf and it ends with Frodo, but I need all of you. I need all your help. But mostly it’s about accepting all those parts of us, right? That we’re all one…we’re all a fellowship, at least most of us got a lot of these things in us that are walking. Where are they going? Maybe we don’t have as clear a destination as Frodo does, but we have all these skill sets. We could say huh, okay, well, can I be joyously curious about this? Can I take that next step with knowing Sam’s there to care for me and knowing neither one of us wants to do it today, but we know…or Sam said come on, Mr. Scooter, let’s get up and, whatever, clean that plate, whatever it is.
So, hopefully all your hobbit friends or whichever of the Fellowship of the Rings you’d feel most comfortable tucking you in, it’d be nice…well, I can’t imagine…no offense, Gandalf; at first I was like well, your robe would be pretty comfortable, but I bet it was strongly scented because before you became the White Wizard, you definitely needed some shampoo, so…a freshly-laundered robe of Gandalf’s, a spice cake, and tonight we bed down in a hobbit house, warm and cozy, and rest. One day I guess we’ll see this show when it comes out, and probably we’ll see if Timmy C or any…who else is cast in this. I have no idea. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)
- The Archetypal Thrift Store in my mind
- Healthy Fierceness
- Sam Gamgee Level Patience
- The Fellowship of the Ring
- Kirk Cameron
- Who’s the Boss?
Notable Talking Points:
- The visceral experience of tuning a radio
- My inner kid doesn’t trust my adult self fully
- Is it Aragorn or Eragon?