1085 – Fourthy All Intros 771-776

Episode 1085 – Fourthy All Intros 771-776

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  We’re gonna do the rest.  What we’re going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine, whatever’s keeping you awake, so anything physical, anything on your mind or in your feelings, or situational, transitory, or dictionary-related, ‘cause I’d say well, you could be going through anything…what you’re going through, even if you don’t…even for me, baffling stuff or baffles.

 

I think it’s…I haven’t…it’s been a while since I’ve talked about baffles before.  That’s what I would say over the breakfast table, you know, to my…I’d say you know what?  I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve talked baffles.  Could we just sit down and baffle one another?  Honey, I’d love to just shower you with baffles.  As a matter of fact, I would.  I’d love to baffle you in baffles, but I gotta get to these new listeners, then I’ll get back.  Baffle me…but that’s what I would…that’s what…on the day we met, that was the thought bubble in my head, really.  Oh, wait, you’re a figment of my imagination, right?  ‘Cause I said wait a second, this is it, this is it.  If you’re a new listener, excuse me.  So, here’s what I’m gonna do; I’m gonna try to create a safe place for you to set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.

 

I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…there will be baffle…you will be baffled and there will be baffling moments.  Well, there will be times where I question that, though.  I say well, what’s one step removed from baffling?  You say, is it buffling?  Boffling.  Baffle’s an ‘a’.  Boffle probably starts with an ‘o’.  But so…but maybe.  But anyway…yeah, probably be some boffling…buffling.  Buffling sounds something like it could be food-related or…I don’t know.  You say, traveling.  Well, I was moving…yeah, that was the Buffle Effect.  That was the sound you heard on the train.  It was the Buffle Effect.  Sure it wasn’t the Doppler Effect?  No, no; the Doppler Effect’s a totally different thing.  Buffle…the Buffle Effect is…it’s made up by Scoots.

 

Has nothing to do with sound waves.  It’s when you’re looking out the window, daydreaming.  Are your daydreams moving at the same speed as the train or not?  I would say they’re moving at the same speed as your heart, and that’s caused by the Buffling Effect.  It’s an example of the Buffling Effect.  Well, what’s the example of you going off-topic so quickly into the intro?  I’m not sure.  I’m baffled.  What would we call that?  What’s when you pander to a pun?  A punder.  That’s when I say well, I’m gonna pun…that’s another word I use in my…you say oh yeah, punder.  Oh boy.  Let’s see, punderwear; of course we had to fit that in.  I was trying to get some space between one thing and the other.  I say well, what would punderwear be?

 

You’d say well, it’s pretty close to a lot of underwear now, or under…Underoos were more…they weren’t puns.  They may have…you had your heroes and heroines.  Punderwear; it’s…yeah, it’s undergarments for people…I don’t know.  I’m not a good punnist, so I don’t know what I…how I’d make a pun about punderwear by using a pun.  That’s why I probably have to find a business to partner with.  Okay, so let me get back to the new intro, with my…all my word making-up.  So if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here.  Let me tell you a couple things about this podcast.  It’s…can be a bit different.  It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep, while you drift off.  I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, and what I propose to do is keep you company.

 

Here’s what to expect from the show; not…it doesn’t work for everybody, so if you’re listening…if you can, give it a few tries.  That’s what most reviewers say, it took two or three tries.  It’s nothing on my need’s level.  I really want this podcast to help you and work for you.  If you listen once or…and move on or if you listen two or three times, I just want to help you fall asleep.  So give it a few tries.  I guess I’m saying I don’t have an agenda in saying that, other than trying to help you fall asleep and getting…maybe I’ll have some punderwear to sell one day.  If I ever think of it, I say come on, pun brain, wake up and give me a pun, a punderwear-related pun for the love of puns.  You say sorry, I’m still trying to think of anything buffle and boffle-related.

 

You say, I think the part of my brain is playing Boffle Ball, a bit like Wiffle Ball.  You say, is it anything like Pickle Ball?  No; Boffle Ball’s way more mellow than…it’s like, mellower than Wiffle Ball.  Not quite like Nerf…not…okay.  Oh, you’re right, I gotta get back to the new listeners.  So, the podcast’s a little bit different.  Structurally what to expect; show starts off with business.  That’s how we keep it free for everybody that needs it.  It really is a service that’s supported by the people that support the sponsors and support the show on Patreon.  Then there’s an intro, which we’re probably halfway through.  The intro’s just me kinda rambling about what the…trying to describe what the podcast is and going off-track.  That’s my side of it.

 

Your side of it is it’s here to ease you into bedtime while you get ready for bed, while you’re just getting into bed to get settled.  Here’s really part of it, is I find the idea of an instant sleep solution contradictory in some sense.  Now, if this podcast puts you to sleep right away, that’s great, especially if you support it.  But I don’t know that that’s realistic for everybody, so I’m here to do what I’ve seen work for some people, which is ease you into bedtime, drain some of the seriousness out of the room if I can, barely maybe make you smile or make a neutral look on your face.  While you get comfortable, I try to describe what the podcast is for like, twelve minutes.  I never get to the point, so that goes into the other two elements about the show.  You don’t really need to listen and there’s no pressure to fall asleep.

 

I’m here for an hour to keep you company as you drift off and mildly entertain you.  So if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here, and if you can, I’m gonna be here.  Either way, you could…I’ll even be here on-call.  You could set your sleep timer for fifty-five minutes or forty-five minutes, or some people set it for eight hours.  But I’ll still be here on-call if you wake up and you need me.  So, I’m here to keep you company.  So, the show starts off with the intro, then tonight it’ll be our ongoing episodic series Big Farm in the Sky PI.  Is that right?  Episodically modular; correct.  Between the intro and the show is business as well, and then there’s thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, those are the kinda rules around the show, like non-rules.  Don’t need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep.

 

I do make the show…I was trying to say before, because sometimes sleep can be baffling, where I say huh, don’t know why I can’t get to sleep.  I really prefer to get right to sleep.  Then I was thinking about nice words.  I think I fell in love with those words.  I don’t know if anybody else heard that.  What were the words I fell in love with?  Not punderwear; I just find that makes me giggle on the inside.  Buffling, baffling…first we were talking to someone…an expert on buffling.  I mean, maybe not; maybe it’s just what I can’t remember from six minutes ago.  Oh yeah, and then I said boffle…boffle me.  Then I said okay, that part of my brain is…says ooh, boffle me.  Pander to my puns.  These are all…could be catchphrases if I had a catchphrase-based podcast.  You say, pander to my puns; baffle me, baby.

 

Okay, this is pushing it, but it is kinda the thing about the podcast; this is the truth.  Baffle me all night long in my punderwear.  There you go.  That would be a catchphrase for the podcast.  Or your pajamas; punder…punder-j’s.  You say, some people have Punderoos; we have punder-j’s.  Also, a new bird they just discovered.  They were gonna…they were trying to decide whether to name it after Stephen Colbert or a nonsense word Scoots made up.  Scoops…oh no, Scoops, huh?  Bummer.  I thought it was me.  Oh no, it wasn’t; that was the name of the science…scientist?  Her name was Dr. Pun…what did we call it?  Punder…Punder-J, Doctor Punder-J.  Well, I’m glad she discovered that bird.  Could I pretend at least it’s named after a nonsense word I made up?

 

Oh no, they’re final…okay, well, then I just won’t ever say that word again, punder-j, except when I write an ode to…’cause you can’t…if it’s poetry, I can use the word.  It’s lowercase; punder-j.  Oh punder-j, your call that I’ve never heard…actually, it’s interesting that I’m having a ode to a bird, because there are birds in this episode coming up.  Your sleepy call deep in your nest…I yearn to sleep as you do, punder-j, my punder-j.  Okay, well, yeah, it probably needs some work, especially since I…if I…I would be a better ode if I was familiar with the life of a punder-j.  How about punderbear?  Okay, I’ve had…go back…should I go back to…what was the other word I was making up?  Buffle…baffling and boffling.  We could listen to the…one day, this will be my all-inclusive vacation…see the punder-j’s play Boffle Ball at…what would we call it?  Casa de Scoots?

 

What are the names of some vac…Air Z and Z; that’s actually a pun some part of my brain thought of.  Couldn’t come up with any puns about punderwear, but when you talk about an easy pun…but it was witty.  I’ll give it to you.  But okay, so anyway, I guess my puns have petered out.  Or oof, I’m tuckered from all that punning around and…round of Boffle Ball.  It was…the rules of that game are baffling; you’re correct.  That’s the whole intention of it, and that’s the intention of this show, is to keep you company, to be a bit confusing, and to help you drift off, to be here at your side.  Yeah, that’s it.  I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether you’re…it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, so thoughts, feelings, either physical sensations or emotions bubbling up or both.  It’s one of those things, it could be…whatever’s keeping you awake; travel, crows…not always, but crowing, you know, or…what are the other ones called?  The cock-a-doodle-dooers.  Whether it’s on the inside or the outside; how’s that sound?

 

For me, it’s usually both.  You say…or the mysterious wake-ups or not-so-mysterious ones.  Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.  What I’m gonna do…I got a safe place here.  As I like to say on a regular basis, I smooth it, I pat it, I rub it down, I say safe place, I say BBB…BBD…I say BBD.  How about this one; what if BBD, Bell Biv DeVoe, went on tour with BB-8 and…I like to think about BB-8 and BB-88.  Talk about Motownphilly being back again.  You got more alliteration in there than you…than…if I knew how to define alliteration, I’d know what to do with…well, we’ll try to ponder that.  Maybe we could get BB-8 or…well, BB-88 is the one that actually comes into the studio to talk, but let’s see.  What I’m gonna do is…I got that safe place smoothed and patted down, and actually, that kinda…those are references that cover three generations, maybe.

 

You say well, I don’t know who BBD is, Scoots.  I remember my dad wore BVDs; does that have…?  No, doesn’t…I remember those ads, too.  Anyway, what…where…okay, so I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  Whatever that was; that was a natural one because I was trying to think of something.  I don’t know if that’s considered a mutter or a stutter.  Like, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S…so, it’d probably be something in-between a mutter and a stutter, so…a nutter?  No.  L, M, N, O…utter?  Maybe.  L, M, N, O, P; putter.  Yeah, I guess that was a putter.  I was puttering, puttering around with my words.  L, M, N, O, P, Q…qutter…I mean, my mind is quttered; believe me.

 

Q, R, S…rudder…T, U…oh, wait, no; Q, R, S…I…oh, ‘cause…so, sorry, I got distracted there.  But I’m gonna use extra words, I’m gonna go off-topic.  Now if you’re new, you might already be saying — and this is legitimate; you have cause to say this — what in the heck is going on here?  What is this person talking about?  So, let me give you a couple pieces of information.  One, this kinda podcast is not…again, everybody’s…every word’s gotta have a definition.  I would say pass…this podcast is best passively consumed, but it’s best consumed somewhere between passively and actively, like when you’re chilling.  You say well, I’m not passive, but I’m not active; I’m chill…you know, people used to chillax.  I think that was invented by Judd Apetow and Seth Rogen, a couple other people whose names escape me because my mind just blanked.

 

So, where was I?  Man, sometimes I get so lost in my own thoughts.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna be here…oh, if you’re new…oh, this podcast doesn’t make any sense.  Neither do I.  So, kinda look at it like you’re saying huh, what is that?  Then I’ll tell you the structure of the show so then you have another piece of information.  Show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s how we keep it free for everybody, is the people that choose to take action.  They help keep it free for everybody.  That’s a great system, huh?  Then there’s a intro.  Now, the intro’s around twelve to thirteen to fourteen to fifteen to eleven to seventeen to sixteen minutes or so of me just puttering around.  You’d say, are you gonna get to the point?  Well, I’ll be kinda puttering, I think.

 

You don’t really hear…the only things you hear about puttering are old-fashioned cars on…in cartoons and characters in cartoons.  I guess I’d say a putter is a car that goes putter, putter, putter.  That’s a good name for a pet, too.  We had Pitter and Patter, remember?  Regular listeners remember or know that I like to encourage people to name their pets…but it seems like I’m always naming pets that are purchased at the same time, or imaginary twin pets.  So I said if you have two pets, you could name them Pitter and Patter.  Now, let’s just say for example you had two kitties.  Are those what they’re called?  Kittens, and they were named Pitter and Patter, or bunny…yeah, let’s say bunnies.  Then you got a third maybe a couple years later; name it Putter.

 

Actually, Putter’s the name of a character…one of my…on the movie Billy Jean, so that’s also cool.  So, where was I?  Okay, so…I went off…oh, I just putter around.  That’s what I was saying.  So, that’s the intro, where I can try to explain what the podcast is.  Most listeners use it to ease into bedtime as they get ready for bed or as they’re in bed getting ready to drift off.  It’s different every time but it’s familiar because I say okay, here’s what I…I’m a regular listener.  I listen to 680 episodes of Sleep With Me.  Here’s what I know is gonna happen in the intro; Scoots is gonna talk, he’s gonna try to explain what the podcast is, he’s gonna use words lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, and pointless meanders, he’s gonna send his voice across the deep, dark night, and he’ll get…he’ll putter…I guess I never called it that before, but he’ll putter around.

 

Then the episode may start and I may drift off.  Tonight we’ll be talking about…so, that’s the intro.  If you’re new, you could say when in the heck is the Game of Thrones stuff gonna start, or when are you getting…?  I say well, it takes a while, just like getting into bed.  I want to get you comfortable.  I want to get you…I want to have…give you time to get cozy.  Now, some…a few percentage…I can’t remember what it is; like, 2% or 3% of people just skip…they start the episode at like, eighteen or twenty minutes.  If you do that, there will be some business between the intro and the show, then there…we’ll be talking about Game of Thrones.  But if you don’t watch Game of Thrones or you’re not…you say well, I’m not so sure about that, don’t worry.  I’ll be talking in the most meandering, indirect way about everything.

 

Then we’ll talk about some factoids that may have come up in the episode or that I’m curious about, then we’ll talk to Tommen and Pounce, then we’ll pray to the old gods and the new, so…and then we have some thank-yous.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  If you’re new, also a couple things; you don’t need to listen to this podcast.  This is the only podcast you don’t have to pay attention to…you don’t have to pay attention to or you don’t have to…you could say well, I’m gonna turn you down to a mutter.  I prefer a mutter over a putter, and your stutter.  I’d say okay, go ahead and turn it down a little if that works for you.  But I’m gonna be here to help, I’m gonna be here to keep you company whether you like a mutter or putter, or you say well, okay…and I’ve had enough of your stutters.

 

So, that’s the structure of the show.  Oh, you don’t need to listen to me and there’s no pressure to fall asleep.  The reason the shows are over an hour for the most part is ‘cause I want to give you plenty of time, so there’s no pressure.  I’m gonna be here ‘til the end so you can kinda say well, I don’t know if I’m ready to fall asleep.  Maybe I’m just gonna listen for a little while and let Scoots keep me company.  I’d say that’s fine; just drift off at your leisure.  That’s the way the show works.  You fall asleep whenever you want.  Maybe you don’t even…ideally, you don’t even know it.  You’re listening to me, you’re wondering if I’m gonna go back to Pitter and Patter and Putter.  We need a character; Potter…pets…Pitter, Patter, and Putter.

 

We need another word like Putter, Putter…Pitter, Patter, Putter…Potter…prodigiously pets Pitter and Putter and Patter…ponder…pondering, puttering…pondering putter prodigiously patting Pitter and Patter and Putter.  Or you could just say Pitter, Patter, Putter.  Pitter, Patter, and Putter.  Maybe that’s not quite a tongue twister, but ideally the podcast is a bit of a mind-twister or whatever.  Not a mind…I say, that sounds a little bit…I say yeah, more like a mind meander.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s what to expect.  You can also expect me maybe in another episode to talk to BB-8 and BBD and see if we could get them to get working together.  But yeah, that’s all…I mean, I guess that’s basically it.

 

The reason I make the show and the reason I’m here is because I want to…I’ve always wanted someone when I couldn’t sleep and when I can’t sleep.  I really just want someone to say hey, that stinks.  I can see you can’t sleep there.  How about if I sit here and tell you a little story?  How about I…if I just keep you company and try to take your mind off of stuff?  ‘Cause I really think you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a nice place to rest and get comfortable.  I don’t know what else I could do, but I could sit here and keep you company and tell you a little story about a TV show I watch.  You say well, what’s the TV show?  Game of Thrones.  Oof, that sounds too exciting.  Well, not when I talk about it.  I call it Game of Drones and really, I just drone on.

 

I mean, if you’re ever curious about me not…a TV show…if you ever had the experience of watching a movie and then not watching it for twenty years and then twenty years later watching it again…and you say, I watched that movie?  That’s kinda like when I talk about the TV show.  If you see it after I talk about it or before, you say Scoots, you were watching the same episode as me?  The only time I thought of that was when you talked about all of the jawlines on all the characters of the show.  I definitely noticed…well, I guess everyone has a jawline in some sense.  So, may…huh, may…are you sure you were watching Game of Thrones, Scoots?  You weren’t watching a channel where nothing was on?  No, that was Game of Thrones, Season 8, maybe.  I mean, I’m pretty sure.  Probably watched it four times.

 

Oh wow, you watched the episode more than once.  It sounded like you maybe barely…are you sure you didn’t watch it on a airplane on someone’s airplane TV like four rows in front of you without any audio?  Yeah, no, I watched it, yeah.  Oh, good.  Well, I guess it’s working then, ‘cause it put me right to sleep.  So, that’s the show.  I’m here to keep you company, take your mind off of stuff as you drift off.  I’m glad you’re here.  Give it a few tries if you’re new.  That’s what almost everyone says.  Here’s the thing; I really want to help you fall asleep.  It’s that simple.  I believe, like I said, you deserve it.  You need your sleep and I want you to get it.  If it doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry.  You could go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou to check out some other stuff.  But really, that’s it.  I’m glad you’re here and I work very hard.  I yearn and I strive and I hope I can help you fall asleep.  Thanks for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

…or get on with the show.  What is it I normally say?  Normally after this, I say hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep?  Well, Welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine…your routine, you could be on…traveling, someone else could be traveling, it could be seasonal stuff.  Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.

 

What I’m gonna do…I got this nice, safe place set aside, plenty of room, but also…roomy but cozy at the same time.  I’m smoothing it, I’m patting it, I’m rubbing it down, I’m saying safe place.  Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’ll go off-topic; believe me, holy…I’ll get distracted.  Just like those great…what are those called?  Fairy tales.  Are there any famous fairy tales?  Because I was thinking of the one with Alice, Alice in Wonderland, ‘cause she went down…but I said maybe she didn’t go down a rabbit hole.  She was chasing that hare around, but more, she was trying to keep up with it, I believe.  For me, I have multiple hares running around inside my head; bunnies, rabbits, cutie-poos.

 

I don’t even know.  I say, are…what kind of mammal are you?  Cutie-poo.  I say, really?  I say, you mind if I stop and ask you a question?  Sure, but you’re in the middle of a podcast intro.  Okay cutie-poo, maybe I’ll come back to you ‘cause I was gonna ask you a question about…never mind.  You’re right; it’ll bring us way off-topic.  Well, go ahead; ask me it anyway.  It’ll be a good example for the new listener of how you go off-topic so early.  Well, thanks, cutie-poo.  Maybe we could make this a meta thing where we talk and do the intro.  Sounds great.  Also, I was thinking there’s something before…it was before my time.  It was called a Kewpie doll.  Now that I say it, I thought it was spelled like cutie-poo.  Hm, that’s interesting.  You think Kewpie Pie and cutie-poo are spelled the same way, huh?

 

Well, now I’m not that I’m saying it out loud in front of a bunch of people, I can picture reading Kewpie Pie, and now I think I can see it’s like, K-E-W or something.  But I was just wondering if you knew what that was, ‘cause I don’t actually know.  I think it’s something you would win at a state fair in the 1940s or ‘20s or ‘40s or ‘50s.  Okay, well, listen…to the new listeners, Scoots apologizes if you were a fan of Kewpie dolls.  Also, here’s another question for you.  I know we’re supposed to get to the intro, but did…you know who Astro Boy is?  Scooter, I do, because I…yes, Scooter.  Thanks, cutie-poo.  Go ahead, Scooter.  What was…well, I was just thinking, do Kewpie dolls and Astro Boy look the same?  ‘Cause in my mind, they do.  Okay, well, anyway, Scooter, what were you gonna tell the new listeners?

 

Oh, what I was gonna tell them is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night…lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones…or Kewpie doll-like tones, but I don’t know what the Kewpie doll sounds like.  Okay Scooter, keep going.  Yeah, and I’m gonna try to…I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark…lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and alls I’m gonna do is try to keep you company as you drift off to dreamland.  Okay, great job, Scooter.  Thanks, cutie-poo.  I think I’ll take it from here.  If I have any more questions, I’ll get back to you.  But if you find anything out about Astro Boy or Kewpie dolls, get back to me, okay?  Sure, Scooter.  Okay, sorry about that, folks.  I got…if you’re a new listener, I got distracted.

 

If you’re a regular listener and you like Scoots, hardy-har…you’re probably giggling or you’re like me; you’re like, I think I’ve…I can see the spelling of Kewpie…it’s…you know what?  I had cutie-poo here; I should have asked if it was like a kiwi and cutie-pie were…Kewpie…anyway.  Oh, sorry.  So, if you’re a new listener, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff as you fall asleep.  A couple of things to know about the show; I go off-topic pretty regularly, I have creaky, dulcet tones, and that’s not for everybody.  But give the show a few tries to see if it works for you.  Structurally what to expect, the show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s how we keep it free, is all the wonderful regular listeners that support the sponsors, then there’s the intro which is about twelve to fourteen minutes of me rambling.

 

Or, well, really what it is is ideally I would explain what…well, it’s a meta…I don’t know what it is.  It’s like a ball of string that’s all knotted up.  If it was a metaphor about the podcast, it would be one that was like that.  You say, I don’t think my head…every pair of headphones I’ve ever owned…there’s a metaphor…you say Scoots, what’s the intro?  I’m just holding up every pair of headphones with cords.  But even then, I bought a pair of Bluetooth headphones that you’re supposed to stick in your ears.  Not the expensive one of course, ‘cause I said well, I’m not gonna pay that much.  Even those don’t have a cord.  They just…they only attach to my phone for like, four minutes, and then they go boo-boob.  I say what in the…and then I Google my…well, and I say how do you Google boop-boo?

 

Every time I’ve tried to Google, this kinda headphone makes a boo-boo sound and then disconnects from Bluetooth.  It’s the same thing, re…powered over…so, where was I?  Oh, if you’re a new listener, I tend to go off-topic.  The intro…oh, structurally; business, then there’s an intro, and the intro’s around twelve minutes.  We’re probably like, six or seven minutes into it now.  It’s just a friendly wind-down to start the show off, exactly the opposite of warming up, but it’s warm.  It’s warm-hearted, you know?  I’m glad you’re here.  Hardy-har.  I’m here to keep you company.  But like a cool breeze of senselessness, kinda like when you…this is actually one of the times advertising is actually correct, is when you get the right mint…breath mint, I mean, and then you suck on it and then you breathe in.

 

You say holy cow, that is like a mountain breeze.  Mountain Breeze breath mints, the newest breath mint from the…whatever company wants to invent those and pay me.  Company; Mountain Breeze, like a mountain breeze in your mouth, but it smells better, ‘cause a lot of mountain breeze would have yak dung and stuff in there.  Okay, so…oh, the intro is a long explanation of the podcast.  A few percentage of listeners skip over it, but most listeners use it as their wind-down, and then a few percentage of listeners fall asleep during the intro.  I think most of those are people that support the show on Patreon though, and…but there’s really no long…wrong way to use the podcast, but most people, they use it to wind down.  Then there will be a story.

 

Tonight it’ll be me trying to remember the plot of the moving Top Gum, that famous Anthony Edwards movie with Tom Cruise in it, with…oh yeah, Val Kilmer and a couple other people.  Oh, Michael Ironside, of course.  So, that’ll be the…and then there will be some thank-yous and the goodnights.  Between the intro and the story is business, and that’s the structure of the show.  Now, what else to expect if you’re new?  Well, I’m glad you’re here.  Like I said, it doesn’t work for everybody.  Give it a few tries.  I’m not saying that ‘cause it benefits me at all.  I just really want you to get a good night’s sleep, and that’s what most listeners say.  You getting a good night’s sleep really, on a spiritual level, does benefit me.  I say that’s great if the podcast puts you to sleep or you find something else.

 

If you’re looking for other options other than this podcast or you loathe this podcast…you’re listening and you say I loathe this podcast, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, there will be some other options there.  That’s cause I’m really here to help.  So, that’s what structurally to expect.  Oh yeah, you don’t need to listen to me.  I think you probably figured that part out.  There’s also no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m here for an hour, but with other episodes I could be here for ten hours if you need me, back-to-back-to-back to keep you company if you can’t fall asleep.  I’m your bore-friend, I’m your bore-bae, I’m your bore-buzz…bore-buzz; that sounds like…that could be another super…Bore-Buzz.  It’s like my sidekick, like Astro Boy.  Oh, Astro…Kewpie Pie…oh, you’re not Kewpie Pie?

 

I don’t know.  I just…I’ve lost contact with cutie-poo.  Ran off with the rest of the rabbits in my brain, and the bunnies.  Oh, thanks for rubbing your ears on me.  That was great.  Made me forget what I was talking about.  Oh, bore-bud, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie.  I’m here to keep you company as you drift off, because I truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a life where you can flourish and you could treat yourself and other people with kindness, dignity, and respect.  So, I’m here to do my little part, which is just rambling and keeping you company.  I think that’s it.  So, no pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to listen.  Structurally, the show is a bit of a headphone jumble.  I think that’s it.  Cutie-poo, can I just grab you for one second?  Sure, Scooter.  What can I help you with?

 

Here’s something I got a question for; is there…I don’t know how your vocabulary is compared to mine, but I mean, long, floppy ears is a nice term, but is there a better term for your ears?  ‘Cause they’re…magnificent is a word I would use, or luxurious, because they’re not just…long and floppy doesn’t do it.  Do you agree with me?  Well, thanks, Scooter.  We found over the years that the great myth…there’s a mythos behind saying long, floppy ears, and most bunny owners or bunny fans or bunny appreciators like yourself, you get it.  It’s the words that become…is there a word for when the words become more than their own meaning?  Scooter, you’d have to ask Helen that question.  Yeah, I always forget to…I always get nervous asking her questions, so I just listen to her podcast and forget.  Is it je ne sais quoi?

 

Scooter, I don’t think it is, but what about…I know it’s not Zeitgeist, but I like…that one I feel like just makes me…Scooter, Zeitgeist sounds nice when you say it.  What about long, floppy ears that I want to rub my cheeks against?  Scooter, that’s different than what the meaning of the word is.  Okay, anyway, that’s cutie-poo, some sort of bunny-like being that lives within my imagination.  Thanks, Scooter.  I’ll be hopping around.  Hold on; Kewpie-poo, are you…is that a unicycle you’re hopping around on?  Scooter, it is, it is.  I’ll see you later.

 

Okay, so that was cutie-poo or…we didn’t really get any questions answered about Kewpie Pies or Astro Boy, but I’m pretty sure those two look pretty similar, or that at some point there was a Kewpie Pie/Astro Boy doll in my life.  I think that’s Tezuka.  Is that correct?  But anyway, again, I’m off-topic.  So anyway, I’m glad you’re here.  I really want to help you fall asleep.  This podcast unfortunately doesn’t work for everyone, so I said check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, but give it a few tries.  I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, ‘cause I want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, whatever’s keeping you awake; travel, any of those things. I’m gonna be here to take your mind off of stuff, but what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna…extra mumbles or accidental mumbles, word…I’m gonna tumble…actually, I think I’ve talked about it.

 

I’m gonna stumble over words and I’m gonna tumble over them.  The word tumbler, I think that could be multiple things.  What do you call it when a kid puts Scrabble things…tiles in a rock tumbler?  Well, I’d call it the word…I would rename the rock tumbler the word tumbler.  Well, then why not the letter tumbler?  What do you call it when you put Boggle letters in a podcast piece of artwork?  You call it the illusionist.  If you put them in a rock tumbler, though?  I don’t know.  Okay, here’s a question; what would be more soothing, the sound of tumbling rocks in a rock tumbler, which doesn’t have much sound from what I can recall, the sound of Scrabble tiles in a rock tumbler…that sounds like some…the beginning…that sounds like the middle of a middling poem.

 

Your sweet voice is like the sounds of Scrabble tiles in a rock tumbler, he said to her over coffee.  I guess it would be dialogue in one of my screenplays.  Then he stood and turned, his hips leading the way, the hips, he realized as he walked off, he never felt in forty years.  Today was the day.  That’s a little bit of The Boy Who Discovered His Hips, coming soon to a theatre in my imagination.  But also, what is…oh, okay, let’s…let me get to the new listeners first, then we could contemplate these things.  So, we’ll come back to all this.  But so, if you’re new, hey, welcome to Sleep With Me.  It’s a podcast to put you to sleep.  It’s a little bit different.  You probably already noticed that, so let me give you a couple things to know; I’m glad you’re here and I hope I can help you or be here as you fall asleep, keep you company.

 

So, the show, if you try to…it’s almost better to kinda almost passively consume it, just like having rock tumbling as a hobby.  You’d say what is…Scoots, what are the Venn diagrams of Sleep With Me’s psychographics and demographics?  Tell me more about it.  Well, you’d say well, most listeners are good people, wonderful people, if you ask me.  Even the new listeners are great.  Very conscientious people, or whatever that word is.  Kind, intelligent; all those listeners are intelligent, looking for a good night’s sleep, likely to support causes and support building the community they want to see.  That’s Sleep With Me’s demographics and psychographics.  People that do nice stuff, pick up after themselves, those are all…and also, majority of listeners owned a rock tumbler at once…one point in their lives.  So, that’s about it.

 

That’s our demographics.  Oh, so if you’re a new listener, I tend to go off-topic.  Structurally what to expect with the podcast; starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s key to keeping it free for everybody, and then there’s a intro.  We’re about five minutes into the intro and the intro’s where I try to explain what the podcast is, but then something always pops up in my mind, like rock tumblers, which make an appearance every 200 or so episodes, and then sometimes they’ll make…then I’ll be…then I’ll have rock tumbler on the brain.  What’s the most common item…what’s the 50th most-common item to see at a garage sale?  Rock tumbler.  Factoids; made-up factoids, live.  Fun facts, as Janet would say.

 

Fun fact; a rock tumbler’s actually a rock roller, technically, commonly referred to as rock barrels within the community that lives in Scooter’s imagination.  Oh, so new listeners, so there’s a intro where I try to explain what the podcast is for about fifteen minutes.  Some people when they first get to the podcast will be like, is he ever gonna get to the point?  Well, I’ll try, and I won’t quite achieve that.  That’s what the intro kinda is.  When’s the Game of Thrones talk gonna start?  Well, I just mentioned it, but later, in about twelve, fourteen minutes we’ll shift from the intro to the Game of Thrones discussion.  If you don’t watch Game of Thrones, don’t worry about it.  This will mildly resemble Game of Thrones.  I won’t even talk about the…any stuff like oh, what am I gonna do now?

 

Kinda stuff like what am I gonna watch next?  Don’t worry, it’ll be totally devoid of…I gotta get back to talking about rock tumbling so I don’t think about that Game of Thrones isn’t…so, we’ll talk about that.  The intro is a way…a lot of listeners use it as part of their wind down, ‘cause you say why do you try to explain the podcast for twelve to fifteen minutes?  I’d say well, where else in the pod…the great podcast community, other than those wonderful rock-specific rock tumbling podcasts like Rock Tumbling Today, Rocking Rock Tumbling, Don’t Come A Knocking If This Rock Tumbler’s Rocking…those are some of my favorites.  Binge-Mode: Rock Tumbler Edition.  You know, Cast of Rock Tumblers, Bald Move: Talking Tumblers.

 

That’s one of…they also talk about drink tumblers though, so that’s like a broader…so, those are some of the rock tumbling podcasts.  Oh, what was I…I was trying to explain Sleep With Me, so…oh, where else am I gonna get those plugs in?  Tumble To Me; that was a good one.  It’s not around anymore.  Talk…oh no; Talk Tumble To Me.  That was a couple.  This was one of the ones I can’t believe it didn’t make it big time.  It was a couple, one rock tumbler or rock tumbler enthusiast, one person not interested in rock tumbling, and they worked with a…then there was a third-party professional, and they learned…they went through the lens of rock tumbling, their relationship flourished, and they learned to love.

 

Oh wait, this is…back to that screenplay; and the boy became a man, a man with hips, and those hips kept walking.  Oh, and so…okay, so where was I?  So, that’s the intro, and then I’ll be talking Game of Thrones, then we’ll talk about any factoids that came up during Game of Thrones or lists or anything like that.  Tommen and Pounce will make an appearance, then the prayers to the old gods and the new.  So, we’ll be here for at least a hour and a half plus.  The whole thing is if you’re new, it gives you plenty of time to fall asleep, right?  You say okay, well, you’re easing me into bed for fifteen minutes, getting me comfortable.  I’d say right, like the rumbling…great rock tumbler in the sky.  That’s what I used to…that’s one of my great belief systems my imaginary friend taught me.  When I’d say mama, papa, what about all that thunder?

 

Say oh, it’s the gods bowling or whatever.  Now Bill, my imaginary friend, would say shh, get over here, kid.  It ain’t bowling up there; they’re rock tumbling.  Oh, what…now also, Bill was…ended up, Bill was also…worked for a rock tumbling company.  ‘Cause I said oh Bill, what’s rock tumbling?  That’s how I used to talk as a kid.  Bill said it’s the hottest new craze.  Only the kids…you’ve heard of rock and roll, right?  Kinda, Bill.  Well, this is rocks actually rolling in a barrel, and you know how…hey kid, have you ever noticed how boring rocks are?  Well, some are cool.  Like, the whole Game of Thrones season hinged on rocks, technically.  Hey kid, I’m here…just say sure.  Oh yeah, they’re so boring.  Boring as a sleep podcast.

 

Well actually, Bill, that would make up…it would be…I guess it’s a paradox, but the interestingness of rocks would…could help people fall asleep.  So, I think it’s…you’re…I think you’re devaluing the paradoxical nature of that relationship.  Oh, sorry.  Yeah, totally, man.  Rocks are the dullest…you know one thing about rocks is, Bill, that I noticed?  They’re just not shiny.  That’s right, kid.  Have you ever wondered if there’s a prolonged process, agonizingly slow?  Like an agon?  Agonizingly slow, kid, where you could learn about the power of sand and sanding.  Then one day eventually…where you learn grit through grit, kid.  That’s what real rock tumblers do.  I just thought of that. I gotta rework my pitch.  Learning grit through grit; rock tumbling.

 

Well, true…could you use true grit or is that probably trademarked?  Probably trademarked, kid, but you…that’s a good one, true grit through grit; rock tumbling.  I think I liked your first one better, but eventually the rocks are shiny and polished.  That was my point.  True grit through grit; I think that’s…Bill, that’s your thing, rock tumbling.  Yeah Bill, would you like to buy a rock tumbler?  I have the newest edition, the Sonic Rock Roller.  It’s a rebel edition.  It’s actually not even for sale, Bill, anywhere, but I could get you…really?  Yeah, I could put you in a rock tumbler today.  Please don’t.  Well, maybe that would polish up my pitches.  Bill, this is really turning into a long intro, but have you ever thought about a podcast with just items in a rock tumbler to put people to sleep?  Never thought of it.

 

We could call it True Grit Through Grit.  Maybe I’ll actually do this.  What items would you put in a rock tumbler to relax people?  Well, I’m most interested in word tumbling ‘cause I thought that would be a good metaphor for the podcast.  Turns out it’s letter tumbling, whether you use Boggle cubes or things.  What about twenty-sided die?  Oof, Bill, you’re reading…maybe…would you like to go in a sleep podcast?  Experimental sleep…art-based experimental sleep podcast business?  I think I would.  Alright, True Grit Through Grit.  That’s Bill and I’s future podcast.  Anyway, I’m here to take your mind off stuff.  If you’re new, I went off the rails and I’m just try…you know, don’t…be careful of rock tumblers that go off the rails because they’re barrel-like shaped.  So, anyway, this is a podcast to take your mind off stuff and keep you company as you fall asleep.

 

You don’t have to listen and there’s no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here over an hour and a half tonight to keep you company as you drift off.  Fall asleep at your leisure and see how it goes.  Now, most people, 99% of people that are regular listens…listeners of the podcast, which is a couple hundred thousand people, they say…so, a couple hundred thousand people have actually told me it took two or three times before I realized this podcast was…yeah, was…whatever just happened for the past twelve minutes, and then I realized I could fall asleep and it works great.  So if you’re new, give it a few tries.  I really hope it can help.  If it doesn’t, check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou for other options.  But I do want to help.  I’ve been there; that’s the thing, and I strive and I yearn.  I work very hard on the show ‘cause I’d like to keep you company and help you fall asleep.  Thanks for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Notable Language:

• Situational, Transitory, Dictionary-Related
• Kewpie Doll Like Tones (KDLTs)
• Talk Tumble 2 Me

Notable Culture:

• The Absent-Minded Professor
• Astro Boy
• The Good Place

Notable Talking Points:

• Petting Michelangelo’s Shell
• See the punderjays, play boffleball at Casa de Scoots
• Made Up Fun Facts about Rock Tumblers