1012 – The Thirteenth Sea | Tales of Lady Witchbeard Ep9

Notable Language:

• Ruminating about the Rhine River and Rhone River Tour
• R & R or Arr & Arr
• Gelatinize

Notable Culture:

• Candyman
• Brewter's Millions
• “Roam” – B-52s

Notable Talking Points:

• Have you seen the Romanesque Columns in the Rumination Room?
• Are we talking Mariana Trench?
• Superfriends knowledge to the rescue

Episode 1012 – The Thirteenth Sea | Tales of Lady Witchbeard Ep9

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and my patron peeps, thanks for supporting the show, patrons.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’ll do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, there’s…here’s the thing; I never…have I said this on the podcast before?  There’s room for your rumination here.  But that doesn’t have to do with that.  But whatever you’re thinking about; thoughts, it could be feelings, emotions coming up for you.  They could be feelings about the past, present, or the future, or just there.

 

It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time or temperature or schedule, routine, could be mysterious or you could be out on a mystery.  You could be trying to sleep in a Mystery Machine.  I’d say well, depend on…the sleep situation in the Mystery Machine would be like well, are Shaggy and Scooby in there?  ‘Cause no offense to either one of them, but I would put…if you said Scoots, I know you don’t know the difference between a adverb and a adjective, so could you give me either an adverb or an adjective…top five you would consider when you think about sharing the Mystery Machine with Shaggy and Scooby?  I’d say, pungent for sure.  I mean, multiple pungents because you know what they’re up to.  I would say pungent, yeah.  Also, I’d say overall I would need more airflow.

 

I don’t think I could share a van with them, but I think I’ve gone off-topic.  So whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.  What I propose and will attempt to do is create a safe place, a safe place with plenty of room for your rumination, so your rumination has room to roam.  Sleep With Me podcast, where your rumination has room to roam.  Now, if I could trademark that, I would trademark it.  Sleep With Me podcast, where rumination comes to roam.  Come on down.  Sleep With Me podcast; we got roaming ruminations for the kids.  I feel a bit like that…our friend from the movie whose name you can’t say three times.  Oh boy, we have…and we also have our new fun park with our world-famous ride, The Ruminator.  Explore room after room after room in the Rooms of Rumination.

 

That’s our funhouse.  Don’t forget; we also have Tube Town and the other things I forgot that I invented.  Tube Town I remember.  There was another one, though…you know, a place where you could make as many mud pies as you want.  We got the Mud Bog.  Oh, I’m supposed to be opening a sleep podcast.  Sorry, I’m not opening…Rooms of Rumination?  Probably not a good idea.  Well, you’re right; that’s why we have plenty of rooms, so they can roam away.  They can go off…you say go ahead, I’m gonna lie down here in this safe place and you can wander off.  It’s a safe place.  So, I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  You’ve already seen those.

 

Here’s another one; plenty of room even for a…what’s the word…I can’t think of a word that has to do with pungent smells, other than…it’s too strong a word, like R-A-N-K.  I’d say well, see, I don’t want to say that about Scooby and Shaggy.  I can’t presume that.  I guess you could…and R-I-P-E sounds a little bit too like that.  Like, there’s so much room not just for rumination but for…they’re…them to just wander.  We got high ceilings here.  But what I really mean is I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep.  Now if you’re new…if you’re a regular listener, what up?  When was the last time I talked about any of this stuff?  I don’t think…where rumination comes to roam.  Let me know about this.  We got our Rhine River…ruminating about the Rhine River and the Rhone River Tour.

 

That’s one on our Blue Sky list.  It’s in our develop…when you come into our…where we may expand the park.  The problem is I can’t even remember some of the other places.  I know Tube Town; that’s where you can inflate tubes, play with tubes…and it’s a inner tube.  It’s Tube Town.  But I know I had another place I invented to go along with it.  Different lands within my mind.  Oh, if you’re new though, you might be unfamiliar with the landscape of my mind, or you might not be used to having free-range rumination where you say no, no, around here…around here, these parts, ruminations run free.  I mean, within the boundaries of the podcast.  That’s what we do here so that you don’t have to keep an eye on them.  We will.  Don’t worry.  Let them run.  Let that rumination run free.

 

Or, well, not totally free because yeah, we have boundaries here.  That way it’s a safe place.  Oh, but if you’re…so if you’re new, this podcast does take some getting used to.  I’ll kind of explain a couple of things, but I just want to give you a heads-up right away.  Of course if you’re coming here skeptical or doubtful or even confused, that makes sense because if you probably heard other sleep advice your whole life…and…so, you’re gonna be skeptical.  That’s a…you say wait a second; my ruminations could just run around all they want?  I don’t know.  I say yeah, I know.  I know you’re skeptical.  Totally makes sense.  So, let me tell you why I make the show before I get to all the nuts and bolts kinda stuff.  I make the show for two reasons; I’ve been there.

 

Last night; mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  So, I know how it feels in the deep, dark night.  I know what that means and how it feels emotionally and physically, and the impact it has on you.  So, that’s one reason.  If I can create something that makes bedtime less of a rigmarole…I just…that part of me was proud that that just happened; I accidentally rhyme with rumination.  I guess it doesn’t technically rhyme with it.  Rhyming Ruminations; yeah, that’s our performance later.  Oh, but if I can make something that you feel neutral about bedtime, you look forward to, that would be my honor.  But also, you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You really do.  While I can’t provide that for everybody, I’m honored to do it for whoever I can, because if you get the rest you need, your life’s gonna be better tomorrow.

 

You’ll be able to cope, or you start to develop a routine to live your life and maybe live it a little bit fuller.  All those things mean our entire world is a better place if your world’s a better place.  That is really important to me, so those are reasons I make the show.  So, okay, what else do you need to know?  Oh, the show takes two or three tries to get used to for most listeners, and that’s not marketing speak, ‘cause who would market themselves that way?  You know, it just does.  It’s very different and some of the very different things about the show, one; is this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  You just kinda barely pay attention to it, a little bit like background noise that you’re kind of listening to.  So, just listen loosely if you can, like watching the clouds floating by.  It’s also a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep.

 

That’s not my job.  My job is to be here and keep you company, take your mind off of stuff, be here so you don’t need to listen to me.  You can kinda listen to me, and I’ll be here all night.  If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here all night for you.  The episodes are around an hour, and I’m here working on the show from the beginning to the end, and if you need to, you could queue up episode after episode after episode.  So, that’s why I make the show.  Oh, those are two things; a podcast you don’t really listen to, and it doesn’t put you to sleep.  Other things that can be tough for new listeners and totally makes sense is the structure of the show.  Really throws people off ‘cause this isn’t a regular podcast.  It’s a podcast to put you to sleep and keep you company.

 

So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcome.  Like I said, I’m trying to get creative free-range roaming…whatever, Romanesque…have you seen our Romanesque columns in our Rumination Room?  No.  So, what was I saying?  Oh, a podcast…oh, the structure of the show.  So, then there’s listener support, like resources for listeners and community-building type stuff, then there’s support for the show so it can come out twice a week for free.  That’s Patreon and that’s our sponsors and the people that [00:10:00] support our sponsors.  Then…and there’s…listener stuff’s tucked in there, too.  Then there’s an intro, and the intro goes from like…ten to twenty minutes long.  We’re in the middle of it.

 

It is a show within a show.  It’s not an essential part of the podcast but it’s a piece of it, usually 25% to 33% of the show.  Some people skip it.  They don’t like the fact of the business, and then they try to skip the intro, and then they feel like the intro’s part of the business.  It is separate from the business.  It’s a business as Richard Pryor once said; we’re in the business of doing business, or whatever he said on Brewster’s Millions.  I’m in the business of not knowing what business I’m in and getting mixed up, like creating a rumination…free-roam rumination business.  Maybe we could get the B-52s to rewrite a song about it.  Roam Rumination.  Roam around…not the world but this general area.  Roam where you want to so I don’t have to…and my thoughts will have wings without you, or something.  I don’t know.

 

Get Fred Schneider on the phone.  Don’t really, ‘cause I gotta finish this intro.  Also, I wouldn’t know what to say, anyway.  Also, holy cow, I don’t know Fred Schneider’s big farm status, so let me just…okay.  I sent love out there via my heart.  Okay, so…oh, intro goes on and on and on ‘cause I keep getting distracted while I try to talk about the podcast, and then I go…you know, I go off-topic, I get mixed up, I indulge these strange thoughts I have, and that’s why it’s a show within a show, because it’s slowly creating some distance from daytime, evening time for you to bedtime and sleep time.  So, for regular listeners, 2% to 3% of people skip the intro, start the show at twenty minutes.

 

About two or three thousand people listen to story-only episodes on Patreon, but most of the other listeners, they listen to the intro in a few different ways, and there’s probably a var…a billion different ways or more.  When you count in the multiverse, people are probably list…there may be fish, maybe there’s undersea beings listening to the show.  Why of all the multiverse, that’s why I thought of?  I don’t know why, but…so, the intro…the goal is to ease you into bedtime.  That’s why it goes on and on and on, so you could do your bedtime routine or you could get ready for bed, or you could be in bed getting comfortable, snuggling up whether it’s with your pillows like me, or your pets, or your loved ones.  Maybe you’re listening with your favorite child.

 

Whatever it is, the intro goes on and on and on to ease you into bedtime.  It’s like a landing strip.  Then there’s more business.  That’s just how we keep the show free, and then there’s a bedtime story.  Tonight it’ll be a tale of Lady Witchbeard.  How did I not…?  One of the…my favorite characters I’ve ever spent time with, and I mispronounce her name.  But it’s a episodically modular series, so you can listen in any order.  Just a little bedtime story about a lady who’s a witch and a pirate.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show.

 

So, that’s why I make the show, that’s how the show is structured, and I’m really glad you’re here.  Like I said, give it a few tries.  It is not for everybody.  Some people have already started writing non-positive reviews.  Before you do that, if you’re still with me, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.  Maybe there’s another sleep podcast on there that’ll help you out.  But yeah, it doesn’t work for everybody, but give it a few tries.  I really, really do hope it works for you.  I appreciate you coming by.  I work really hard, I yearn and I strive, and here’s a few of the ways I’m able to be here for you free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s time for another episodically modular episode of our series Tales of Lady Witchbeard.  They’re tales of Lady Witchbeard.  She’s a witch, she’s a pirate, she’s a heroine, and she adventure…she’s in the middle of an adventure that’s episodic, so you can listen to it in any order.  Just in case you missed all the other episodes, those are just prequels.  You say wow, just like the movies.  I could go watch those…now that I’ve seen this episode and slept through it and not listened to it, I could also fall asleep to all those other episodes, too.  I don’t really have to worry.  Now, if you’re a completist, I totally understand it.  But it really is designed so you could start now — I think this is Episode 9 — then go listen to 1 through 8 or listen to 8, 7, 6, 5…you say oh, wow, that’s a fun way to do it.

 

If you do do that, let me know, ‘cause that’s cool.  But if you want to listen 1 through whatever, you could list…yeah, you can do it that way, too.  That’s the beauty of podcast technology; making a playlist in your podcast app.  But I just wanted to put you at ease.  Don’t worry, I’m gonna catch you up on everything.  I guess that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, but I got distracted.  So, what’s happened with…or who’s Lady Witchbeard?  She’s a witch, she’s a pirate.  She lives in the world of the thirteen seas, though she’s been in our world, too.  That’s how I came across her.  I was working as Daw at a bed and breakfast where she was…well, two different times I came across her doing some R&R, as the old…that’s how pirates relax.  Get that?  She said…she didn’t find it funny, either.

 

It’s funny ‘cause she did not find that funny, even though…and then I said Lady Witchbeard, did I tell…?  Are you here for R&R or Arr and Arr?  Then she said, I’m resting, please.  So, I met her the first time.  We had some adventures, then we…she had to have some more adventures to kinda clean up after a mess I left behind, then she needed R&R again.  Then I came and I…you know, once you’ve been on an adventure with Lady Witchbeard, life is not as…quite as adventurous.  Those of us that have worked with amazing leaders before, once you’ve been under…I don’t know if that’s being under her tutelage, but it is a safe place to be in, when you’re working with Lady Witchbeard.  Even when you’re on an adventure, you feel safe and cared for.  So, of course I wanted more of that.

 

So, eventually we went on another adventure based on the song Brandy, or based on the fact that I kept playing that…I kept trying to play songs that would…so Lady Witchbeard said there’s a myth like that back in our world of the thirteen seas.  Meanwhile, at the same time, Lady Witchbeard had let her pirate…piracy credentials run out with the Pirate’s Guild or whatever the other words you use that I always forget…certifications.  So, she was supposed to become an apprentice to this other…this pirate Don Dankle to kinda reacquire her certifications.  She didn’t really like that, but then we headed off on this Brandy adventure, then we kind of at first ran afoul of Don Dankle, then Don Dankle ended up going under Lady Witchbeard’s tutelage ‘cause Don Dankle I guess was so comfortable.

 

Well, the piracy guild seems like it’s not functioning right now, so Don Dankle…there was…this never happened in a episode, but I would assume…’cause it was a private conversation; I wasn’t there…that they had a conversation like Lady Witchbeard, you…I’m comfortable as a leader, but you’re even…maybe I should learn some more leadership from you.  Something like that.  I’m just guessing.  Like, work together as equals with you at the head.  Those aren’t conversations a lot of people have.  They say wow, you’re a little bit more competent than me, so I’ll be…I don’t know.  But I’m just guessing that that was the conversation.  It could have gone…it could have been…Lady Witchbeard could have been leading that conversation, too.  But so, that’s how Don Dankle and I and Lady Witchbeard are on this adventure.

 

We thought we were gonna look for Brandy who loved the man who loved the sea, and then things…as it happens, we didn’t…we got more than we expected, especially in a sleep podcast way.  We found out they were mining some sort of plant root, and also, they were looking for some sort of binding agents and Newty-Poo, newt excrement, and make some sort of gel that seals up the sea.  We also learned that Brandy was working with…again, when you’re in the transverse plane, much like cinematic versions of the multiverse, a lot of stuff can happen.  So, apparently Brandy’s working with some other witch from the past…from the witch’s past, like some dominant figure.

 

[00:20:00] So, we found that out by returning to Lady Witchbeard’s home in the witch world, which…so, there’s a world of the thirteen seas; that’s where our adventure mostly takes place.  There’s our world, whatever, Earth 2 or whatever they’re calling it nowadays.  Earth 1.0?  I don’t know.  Sometimes I get it mixed up.  There’s also the witch world, but then there’s a…the old witch world still in the witch world, but the past.  This dominant figure was from the mythology of the witch world.  Somehow she came forward into the present of the witch world which is parallel-present in our world and the pirate…thirteen realms, the thirteen seas.  She’s working with Brandy.

 

I don’t know…I can’t remember how much more we inferred, but we know Brandy and this dominant…they’re working…oh, we do know; I think they’re planning on sealing up the sea or gelatinizing the sea.  Maybe…I don’t know if this…this might be…I might be doing some exposition here that I…that…Lady Witchbeard’s like, this was exposition for the episode, Scoots.  I say well, in the episode, I’m Daw.  But so, they’re planning on turning the seas…all the thirteen seas into Jell-O, and then…I don’t know, somehow that would make commerce more efficient for the witch world and the world of the thirteen seas.  Not benefit everyone, obviously, but those that…those ones…whatever, turning the wheel.  So, yeah, I guess that’s it.  So Don Dankle, Lady Witchbeard, and I, we had escaped from the witch world.

 

Well, we were still in the witch world but we’re not there anymore.  We got out of the witch world eventually.  We were hiding out because they…Lady Witchbeard’s family tried to make a deal to either get Lady Witchbeard mad or to turn us over to the…whoever this other figure is.  I don’t know if I caught their name.  So, we got away from that; good news.  Yeah, so, we’re on an adventure.  I guess our next move will come up when I…when the…in the…the actual episode.  Now, our Hollywood announcer’s here, giving us their time, giving us their gravitas, or gravitas.  I say gravi…whoa.  I can’t even say gravitas or gravitas without getting distracted because there’s so much of it oozing…he’s like a center of gravitas that I revolve around, Mr. Antonio Banderas.  Friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time to have an adventure in Tales of Lady Witchbeard.  Splish, splash.  Yeah.  Also, these…congratulations on a thousand episodes, Scooter.

 

I know it’s…when we’re recording this, it’s coming up.  Then we’ll be at…I don’t know what episode this will be, like 20 or 30.  We’re in uncharted territory, just like when you’re on adventure with the Lady Witchbeard.  Thanks, Antonio.  So, you’re gonna be able…I heard…I did hear some sort of click with your mouth noise.  I mean, I think we can probably…it might be there, so I don’t know if you’re following all of the protocols that…you know, I just wanted to make sure, since this is Episode 1000.  I’m not…I’m just trying to…let’s touch base.  Maybe we could make it as…we could talk about it over a game of Chrononauts or something.  Maybe we could listen to some Sha…maybe watch some Sha Na Na and play some Chrononaut…Chrona-na-na-na-nauts.  Okay, Scooter.  Okay, thanks.  That’s Antonio Banderas and this is Tales of Lady Witchbeard.

 

Okay, Lady Witchbeard, Don Dankle; let me just see if I understand everything clearly.  So, I…so, we’re…there actually is a man who loves the sea, and you’re thinking that it’s not a metaphor.  Like, that he loves the sea not in…I guess it is…isn’t love…is love…?  Here’s the question, Lady Witchbeard; is love figurative and metaphorical and tangible, or is it…I guess you’d say sometimes it is.  Or if you were my…if I talked to you…if I paid to talk to you, you’d say well, I don’t know, Daw.  What do you think?  I’d say well, I think I just said what I think.  I said is it making something out of nothing at all?  Okay, probably shouldn’t get…we probably shouldn’t go on another song to get distracted.  Okay, go ahead.  I’m sorry.  Daw, it’s simple.  It’s the one thread we haven’t tugged on.  We’ve see…it’s one thread through this whole thing.

 

Oh, so this is like that sweater song?  I don’t know, Daw, but this is…think about the whole journey we’ve been on.  In some sense, we’ve…I didn’t even realize it, either, but we’ve been looking for the man who loved the sea the whole time, but we were looking through the man who loved the sea.  There is a longstanding myth in the thirteen seas, Daw, of a man who loved the sea, and there’s…it’s not just one…I mean, yeah, it’s not a homogenized myth, Daw.  There’s different myths in different regions and different seas; merpeople or cities under the sea or strange myths of…I guess what you’re saying, Daw, is actually…oh boy, I’m not believing what I’m say…it’s actually correct.  Sometimes it’s figurative, sometimes it’s been metaphorical, and sometimes I guess you’d say it’s been tangible.

 

There’s been proof.  Yeah, so, that…this is our last…I mean, otherwise…and I know this is strange coming from me, but not after dealing with my family and old community; at this point, I don’t think we need to have direct conflict with…as things unfold.  We need to get more information from…so, the…you’re saying the man who loved the sea is real.  Well, Daw, you’re gonna find that out and…so, is that why you’re buying time?  Don Dankle, could you talk to Daw and maybe help Daw just quickly suck on this gumball so that Daw could communicate with some fish and we can find out if there was a man who loved the sea?  So Daw, you just suck on that gumball because we really need you to talk to some fish to find out where the man who loved the sea will be.  Okay, but so…okay, I’m gonna put the gumball in.

 

Which fish should I talk to?  We’re…Daw, we’re at the…we’re in the…these…we’re in the herring capital, here.  So, talking to all these herring will…some…one of them will know, because this is a big…this is the area where all the thirteen seas…all their business is talked about.  Everything…every tangent we could ever possibly go on.  I can’t explain it more.  Just take the gumball, please.  Okay.  So, hey, hey, anybody know about a man…?  Oh, you were listening to our conversation?  How you doing?  Oh, you got all the info?  Yeah, so…oh, how do I speak fish?  I don’t know.  I just sucked on this gumball.  You know, I made some friends with some newts earlier.  I’m looking for a man who loves the sea.

 

Not in a obscure…like in a way that could be metaphorical or figurative or…here’s a question, probably not for you, herrings, but am I…so, what you’re hearing is somehow not…goes beyond words to something that makes sense in your minds, I guess.  Hopefully the translation…I read this book recently and the person in the book, a fictional character in a book, Les, won an award for…but in a place where his book was translated and he realized that the translator had kind of upwritten his book in the translation, so hopefully that’s happening here with my [00:30:00] communications with you.  But you know what I mean?  Well, all…just like all of you herrings, I’m guessing from what Lady Witchbeard said, love discussing what’s going on in the world.  Some may say gossip or rumor.

 

Oh, beyond the sea in a place of legend.  Okay, can you tell me more?  What would a place of legend be like, or what would this place…?  Okay, safe, withdrawn…oh, but he’s gonna stay there forever.  Okay, it’s a isolated place.  Does it have a name?  Beyond the sea.  That’s what you call it.  Are there other…?  So it’s in the…is it beyond the sea, or…?  Okay, it’s in the…it’s a sea beyond the sea.  Okay.  Are there sea…?  Okay, there are sea creatures there.  Okay, is there any other stuff I need to know about?  Is it easy to get to?  No.  Oh, so he…’cause he’s not coming back?  So, what do you mean?  Oh, it’s the sea you go to that you don’t come back from.  So, is it a fig…is it a real…?  Oh, it’s a real place, though.  It’s not…so, it’s tangible.

 

It’s not figuratively…okay, you could come back if you could get back, but you can’t get back, so you…okay, so that’s literal; you can’t get back from there.  But that’s the only possible…huh, that’s weird.  I never thought to discuss this with herrings or anybody.  So, something’s only impossible…literally impossible if it could be possible.  That’s quite a tangle, ‘cause if it was impossible, then it would just be…then it could be anything.  Maybe I don’t quite under…maybe…is there a way for me to talk to you and have you translate my thoughts back to me?  No.  You can’t uptranslate my thoughts into something more sensible, huh?  Okay.  So, any other stuff I need to know?  ‘Cause I gotta explain this in my own language without a gumball to interpret to Lady Witchbeard and Don Dankle.  You could see them up there, huh?

 

They look pretty cool, huh?  Okay, so…no, that’s all I need to know?  Okay.  Alright, thank you so much.  No, you have a great day.  I’ve always wanted to say that to a…I mean, anybody.  Okay, bye.  Hey, Don Dankle.  Hey, Lady Witchbeard.  Am I speaking in fish or human?  Oh, I guess…so…oh yeah, it melted, huh?  Okay, so, it took…it didn’t take much.  So, the…they knew exactly who we were talking about and they said that…so, the man who loves the sea is real.  That felt…I thought that would take more time to figure out, but he’s real.  But apparently he’s in a place beyond the sea which made me think of something else.  But they said not beyond…not that…like, not that beyond the sea.  Like, a sea beyond the sea, but a real sea.  But he’s not coming back, so I don’t know.  Does that mean we shouldn’t go find him?

 

Let’s see, very isolated, never coming back, other sea creatures there.  So, that’s what I have so far.  Oh, thank you.  Thank you, Daw.  Well, Don Dankle, it seems pretty clear that it’s the Thirteenth Sea.  Yes, Lady Witchbeard.  Yes, Daw.  It’s the Thirteenth Sea, a place you can’t return from.  Beyond the…a sea beyond the sea.  I don’t know, Lady Witchbeard.  I’m gonna have to trust your judgement on this.  We can’t…I don’t…the thing is, we can’t even get there.  Not only is it impossible to come back, it’s impossible…I’ve never heard of…I mean, I’ve…of course we’ve all heard of people going there, but not of coming back.  Okay, so, just want to touch base with both of you again.  But you’re talking…this is a real thing.  This isn’t like big farm in the sky where…or…huh.

 

This is a real place but it’s impossible to get there, and impossible to come back.  Is it paradise?  Thank you, Don Dankle.  So, Daw, it’s a real place.  It’s the Thirteenth Sea that…you always said there’s only twelve seas on the map.  Well, there’s a lower sea, Daw, and it’s a bit of a phenomenon and we’re…I’m…we’re headed there now.  There’s a lot of currents that go there.  There’s a rift in the earth.  I think in your world you have rifts in the earth and you have tectonic plates.  To use that analogy or those scientific concepts for you, Daw, this tectonic plate would be much lower than all of the other plates surrounding it.  So, it’s…Daw, it’s like a lower sea but seas flow into it.  They also flow around it ‘cause otherwise you’d say, does all the seas drain into the Thirteenth Sea?

 

It’s got some mountainous regions and some upwelling, and that part’s confusing, Daw, but basically there’s no way to get in because it’s a very…it’s much lower.  It’s not like ten feet lower or a hundred feet lower.  So, we’re presuming with what you’re saying is that if you went to the Thirteenth Sea, you would…no one’s ever come back from there.  People have been at the edge of it or close to the edge.  You can even see, as we’re approaching even at a distance, there’s mists flying in the sky.  But if you were to go over a giant…rift-level waterfalls is the way you might describe it in your world.  There’s not a way to get down there.  So, that’s what Don Dankle means when he says we’re gonna…there’s one mountain range that overlooks it, but alls you could see is mist and the waterfalls.

 

We’ll be able to do it because between Don Dankle and I…it’s not a very smart idea to go…there’s some sea currents that most of the sea creatures…now, some sea creatures end up in there by accident, but most of the sea creatures in the world of the thirteen seas, their systems are hardwired to go to these kind of jet stream currents in the ocean that are due to upwelling…I don’t understand the physics of it, Daw.  But if you get in that, it’ll carry you away, like a river within the sea, away from…there’s equal poles, almost, so you could be in one or the other.  I think that’s due to…I don’t know.  But so, it’s not due to magic.  But so, you can get to this mountain range and look down, but alls you could see is mist.  I think that’s a good…so, that’s where we’re headed.

 

Like you said, by the power of Earthsea, or…but it’s even…that’s not what we’re…what’s happening.  So, I don’t know how we’re gonna get down there.  Oh, we…you…everyone fell asleep while I was talking, even I.  Now we’re here on the mountain.  We just have to climb up around from the beach there.  But yeah, so, Daw, before you fell asleep, and Don Dankle, that’s fine, because we needed some time to rest.  I don’t know how we’re gonna get down there.  Then if we do, yes, it is technically…no one knows…no one’s ever come back.  There’s people that said they were at the thirteen seas, but their stories never checked out fully.  So, that’s what the herring meant, that it’s possible to get back within the realm of all possibilities, but it’s terribly unlikely.

 

But I think that I just don’t see…I think this…my…you know, Daw, there’s times your gut is wrong or there’s times things are pretending to be your gut, and Don Dankle and I have talked about this in leadership and being yourself and confidence and dignity and all those things, Daw.  Your gut…you know, sometimes parts of you…all parts of us have different agendas.  All the parts of the crew, externally, may have different agendas and thoughts.  Sometimes you have to make a decision based on your gut that’s not 100%.  Your gut’s not even 100%, and my gut is saying only 80%, Daw and Don Dankle, so you don’t have to go with me ‘cause I don’t even know how we’re gonna get down there, because of…if we just turn into birds, our feathers will get wet in the mist and I don’t know of any bird…so I don’t know how we’re even gonna get down there, and I don’t know how we’re gonna get back.

 

Those are all…5%; we won’t be able to get down there.  5% to 9% we won’t be able to get back, and then some percent that the [00:40:00] man who loved the sea won’t be useful to us.  But I think we have to go, based on a 80%…I’m not 80% confident.  My gut is saying 80…I’m 80% sure we need to go there, Lady Witchbeard.  For me, I say well, okay.  We could do something based on that 20% or the…10% is doubt or 10% is that…the actual logistics.  Lady Witchbeard, you’re doing Daw math now.  You know what I’m saying, Daw and Don Dankle.  So, if either of you have this…idea of how to get down there, let me know and then you two can decide.  Lady Witchbeard, come on.  You know Don…I mean, I can’t speak for Don Dankle, but you know I’m coming with you.  Yes, Lady Witchbeard, I’m coming with you as well.

 

It’s quite a beautiful view from up here, almost like we have a view from the tower.  But you’re right, Lady Witchbeard.  I don’t see how we could just fly like birds, though it would be a beautiful view to glide up here as a bird.  Well, wait a second, Don Dankle, Lady Witchbeard; you know, one of my favorite things to misquote is the myths around Daedalus and Icarus, because I’m not sure who those…if that’s even the right…I know Icarus, though.  They even made a game; I think it was Icarus…it was called Kid Icarus.  What they did is…’cause I think about this.  So, they made gliders with bird wings and wax.  One thing I actually know is that when wax gets wet or cold, it becomes almost stronger, you know?  What if we…but they got too close to the sun, so it didn’t work out for them.

 

But if wax was not too close to the sun…what if we were birds with wax and bird feather gliders to cover our wings, or that we could put over our backs when we get closer?  You know what I’m saying?  Then we glide on those gliders that tech…and then if we get through some kind of mist or something, we still have the…we can still navigate.  You know what I’m saying?  ‘Cause I would say parachute or balloon, but again, it’s gonna get so wet.  You’re both looking at me.  Daw, I’m very impressed, and I think this is gonna work.  Don Dankle’s already set to work doing things.  Oh, and Daw…oh, Daw, you’re awake again.  Yeah, Don Dankle and I made the wings and we’re both birds.  It’s time for you to chew on this dirt that’ll make you once again a jackdaw, and then we’ll glide down there.  I think we should rest as we glide.

 

I’m gonna cast one more spell that’ll…we’ll use these actual birds.  It’s complicated, Daw, but you don’t want to know about it.  But you’re actually gonna…anyway, we’re gonna connect with the other birds’ minds and use their limbic systems to get down there.  I just had an…so, let’s all rest as we glide down there and then we’ll discuss things when we get to the…when we find a place to land.  Oh, Lady Witchbeard, the last thing I remember you saying was find a place to land.  Now we’re on a beach somewhere and I can see far off in the distance the mist and the giant waterfall.  It seems like we’re miles and miles away.  Yeah, this…that’s interesting; our horizon…we have a shortened horizon because we’re down.  I’ve never been in a place where the…all the horizon around us was higher than us.

 

It’s cool.  Yes, Daw, it’s quite beautiful.  So, Don Dankle, how are you feeling?  Pretty good, Lady Witchbeard.  I noticed some of the…there was lots of observations of us while we were coming in.  For some reason, my mind retained that, my…from my bird brain.  Daw, go ahead and…I just said bird…you’re a bird brain, Don Dankle.  I guess that makes Lady Witchbeard and I bird brains, too.  Yes, Daw.  We’re all bird brains.  So, I think…yeah, see?  There’s a couple clams…giant clams coming and watching us.  Oh, and yeah, Daw, Don Dankle, there’s a man coming out of the sea.  Hello, hello.  I’m Lady Witchbeard.  This is Don Dankle and this is Daw.  Who are you?  Well, hello.  I guess you could call me Wiltz, with just a silent M.  I am…it’s interesting to see the three of you down here.  It was quite creative how you glided down.

 

You’re the first people I’ve seen in a long, long, long time.  Oh, do…were you gonna say something else?  I’m Daw.  Nice to meet you, Wilt.  Can we just call you Wilt, though?  ‘Cause Wiltz…it’s a extra syllable.  I’m kinda tired from…I’m adjusting to this new place, and I was trying to think of what time zone we’d be in, and then how would you calculate the time zone?  Then you’d also have to calculate it for the…so, I…never mind, ‘cause I don’t want to think about that too much.  Well, what can I help you all with?  What are you here for?  Well, we’re here for you, Wilt.  I’m Lady Witchbeard, again.  Don Dankle and I, we’ve been looking for…we were looking for you.  We knew Brandy and we had heard the rumors.  I mean, I’ve lived in the thirteen seas for quite a while.  Oh, I know, Lady Witchbeard.

 

I’ve heard of you, and even Don Dankle, before I came down here to live.  I lived in all of the thirteen seas.  I love the thirteen seas.  I was in the guild.  Some of the rumors are true and some of them are myths, and there’s probably been other women and men and people who have loved the sea before me, as you may learn, since you’re gonna be…I mean, it’s interesting; there’s never been a community who loved the sea down here, but…yeah.  So…and believe it or not, in some strange sense, this is a cyclical thing because I did replace…there was a…before me, when I first got here, a woman who loved the sea, but I don’t want to confuse you too much with history and all those things.  I’m just trying to get an idea of…you’re looking at me and you’re both legendary members of the twelve seas, so did something hap…?

 

I mean, I…there’s still…I’m up to date on some of the stuff that’s happening.  A little bit confusing, but I know Brandy was searching for me.  So, what’s happening?  Did something happen up there in the twelve seas?  Well, something is happening, Wilt, and yeah, Brandy is behind it, but it’s not just Brandy; it’s things from my old world, the witch world.  There’s a conqueror of worlds and they’re planning on conquering the twelve seas, maybe even this Thirteenth Sea.  Not a…in a way…I…we don’t quite understand everything that’s happening; I’ll be honest with you, Wilt.  Part of it seems to be power and money.  Maybe some of it is Brandy has some displeasure with you.  But we’re trying to find a way to put a stop to it, because they’re gonna gelatinize all the seas, and that’ll affect a lot of the things you love.

 

It may even affect…probably would affect the water coming in here.  So, we probably…maybe you should come help us.  Well, that’s interesting, Lady Witchbeard.  They’re gonna gelatinize the entire twelve or thirteen seas.  I don’t see that it’s possible.  I was trying to put together some of the rumors I heard.  I mean, I could see them gelatinizing the surface of the sea, maybe, but not the undersea.  That’s just not possible.  You know, there’s machinations; power and those type of things are always going on.  But I’m happy down here and I have kind of a role down here that I have to…I mean, I could see the look in your eyes; what happened between I and Brandy?  Why am I down here?

 

Why won’t I…why am I…your eyes and Don Dankle’s crossed arms tell me that you believe they could gelatinize the entire seas.  I could tell you it’s impossible, but you wouldn’t believe me.  [00:50:00] It probably seems selfish that I’m down here and that I’m gonna stay down here.  I won’t be helping you.  Maybe you think I’m withdrawing from the world, that it’s sad and lonely, but this is the life I’m…I don’t know.  Do I miss the surface world?  A little bit.  Do I miss Brandy?  No, I loved the sea.  That’s tough stuff to explain to all of you.  So, there’s a part of me, but right…I don’t know.  This is something special down here.  It’s kind of all the best parts of the twelve seas, but we’re down here as a group.  Okay, Wilt, that’s interesting.

 

So, you’re not gonna come help us stop Brandy and the conqueror of the worlds even if there’s a chance it could impact you down here?  Listen, I’ll be honest; I don’t think this is really…I don’t think any of this is gonna happen, anyway.  I think that someone will put a stop to it.  I think it’s overambitious, so I don’t think it’s going to happen.  Can I ask you another question?  Do you think Brandy is so unhappy with you that this would be just a motivator?  No, no, no, Lady Witchbeard.  Brandy’s hyper-intelligent, hyper-ambitious.  It would be…there’s bigger things at play.  Brandy’s always had big ideas and a willingness to slowly make those ideas happen.

 

You know, the fact that our relationship didn’t work out is tough, but I don’t think that’s Brandy’s main motivator, is just getting back at me, though I do probably owe a better ex…it’s just so hard to explain to someone that…well, I’m a man who loved…you know what I mean, Lady Witchbeard?  I think you know what I mean, because didn’t you…it’s a different kind of love, but you loved piracy more than what you left behind, too.  Yeah, I guess the way you explain it, Wilt, is probably wrong, like that you didn’t leave it behind; you just…it’s tough.  I hear what you’re saying and I respect it.  I just feel like we do need you, and we need you; we need your help, and I’d like you to think about it one last time.  Maybe you’re just afraid to go and face Brandy and be like…face that uncertainty.

 

But is that really…is your main motivator really just staying down here for you or for the sea?  Do you really love the sea or do you love what the sea does for you?  You know what I’m saying?  Yeah, I do understand what you’re saying, Lady Witchbeard, and you don’t know…I’m not trying to…I guess I am try…you kinda don’t know everything, so that’s what I would say to that.  But yeah, I’m not perf…I’m not a god.  I mean, I have obtained powers while I’ve been down here.  That’s why I was able to just come out of the sea.  Excuse me, sorry Lady Witchbeard, sorry Don Dankle; are you…do you have gills?  It’s a good question, Daw.  No.  I’m amphibious, though.  Wow, so…wow, that’s cool.  Holy mackerel.  What I would give to be amphibious.

 

Well Daw, you have to get…it takes…anyway, so that’s your answer, Lady Witchbeard, is I’m not going.  Well, Don Dankle and I and Daw…well, Daw, we didn’t…you’re coming with us and you’re gonna help us find a way back.  I mean, we can’t…we’re not…we’re returning to the twelve seas even if it’s impossible, and we’re returning there with you.  So, Don Dankle, are you ready?  Yes.  Lady Witchbeard, I’ve never been more ready.  Daw, we’re gonna have to take…we’re gonna take Wilt with us, so I’ll be…just follow my…just follow our leads.  Lady Witchbeard, it’s Don Dankle; I was ready but now one of the giant clams seems to be pulling me into its shell.  Oh, the shell’s closing.  Okay, so…oh, okay, well, Daw, you get…oh, Lady Witchbeard, there’s waves splashing me in the face.

 

I think Wilt’s using Wilt’s powers.  Also Lady Witchbeard, I noticed the sand around you has turned into a mud bog and you seem to be lowering into that watery sand that’s so quick.  I am, Daw.  I’m gonna quickly make a breathing bubble around me.  Lady Witchbeard, I can’t totally hear what you’re saying because I’m getting splashed in the face.  At least I’m only getting splashed in the face by waves.  Man…oh, wait, it keeps changing from cold water to warm water.  Now I gotta go potty.  Oh, Lady Witchbeard…no, now waves are crashing on me.  Don…I wish I could get to Don…I tried to go to Don Dankle’s clam, but the waves are just too strong.  Oh boy, are they.  Oh no, the…I can’t see where I’m going.  I don’t…it’d be the worst if I fell into the mud bog, too.

 

Hey Wilt, do you…it looks like you’re standing in ankle-deep water as…oh, I fell in the mud bog.  Now I’m falling down and just thinking these words.  Hopefully Lady Witchbeard or Don Dankle can hear my…oh, I just bumped in…oh, hey, Lady Witchbeard.  Thanks for the air bubble.  Can you hear me?  I can hear you, Daw.  So, you’re down here.  Are you stuck down here?  Well, Daw, I’m partially…we’re partially stuck ‘cause I think the water’s somehow under the influence of Wilt.  So, I was trying to come up with a plan and then you joined me, so having two people to come up with a plan’s even better than one, Daw.  Did you notice anything while you were up there?  Lady Witchbeard, believe it or not, I did.  I’m learning from you.

 

I noticed that Wilt was standing in the water, like even when Wilt…Wilt couldn’t come towards us directly, right?  Wilt was always in the water at least a little bit.  Okay, Daw, so what does that mean?  What does that mean?  I think that Wilt’s power…well, Lady Witchbeard, I have a really big advantage with this because I watched so much cartoons as a kid that…there was these two twins on the Super Friends and one of them had these water powers.  Only water powers.  So, my theory, though it’s different…I can’t remember if that was Jayna and Jax or something.  I think maybe Jayna was my first love, if that was who it was.  Okay Daw, please proceed.  So, I think that Wilt has to be connected to the water to…for the magical powers or whatever just happened.  Okay, Daw.

 

But…oh, because I would say…so, the clam’s got Don Dankle; probably just hiding in the claim shell.  I hope Don Dankle doesn’t come out without clothes on like a Botticelli painting or something.  I’m sorry, Daw?  Not important, but…so, we just have to get…I guess we…I could try some trickery to get…I don’t know, to get…we could…maybe I could split…try to play hide-and-seek or tag with Wilt?  I don’t know if that’s gonna work, Daw.  Lady Witchbeard, how long do these air bubbles last?  We’ll have to…we have a little bit of time, Daw, but not too much time.  Could you make one that…an air bubble that covers all of us?  Are you saying what I think you’re saying, Daw?  Yeah, I think I am.  Could you do that?  What if we go up together and we use…could you do it with the mud?

 

Could we use a air bubble with the mud?  Somehow…then I dis…I come out of the mud, though.  Isn’t that Samson?  Oh, I guess you don’t have those…frame of reference, but…or Adonis or somebody.  They cut their hair and then they didn’t have any more powers.  Okay, Daw, I understand.  I’ll…okay, so now we just have to figure out how to get outta there.  [01:00:00] Well, you…Daw, you jumped in here, so why don’t you go out and see what you can do, and…yeah, just do your best, Daw, and I’ll be ready.  Okay Lady Witchbeard, I’m gonna…can you just give me a boost?  Okay, I’m coming out.  I’m out of the mud.  Oh boy, don’t…please, Wilt, don’t splash me anymore.  You gotta bring Lady Witchbeard up outta the mud.

 

I mean, I know…you probably figured out she’s down…you could see her bubbles coming up, and that’s not…that’s from breathing, not from too many beans, but I think we’ll…I’ll say on Lady Witchbeard’s half that we give up and we’ll work together.  How does that sound, Wilt?  I just…I don’t know if I care to trust Lady Witchbeard.  Okay, well, why are you coming…what if we play a game of tag?  If I tag you, would you chase me?  I probably wouldn’t, Daw, ‘cause that would tire me out.  What if we just…we could stay in the water.  I’m not trying to get you out of the water.  Hey, are you ticklish?  Oh, Daw, I am ticklish.  Please don’t do that.  Why would you tickle me?  Well, I don’t know, that’s…in the movies how you get people to play…like, you say okay, and then…let’s…tag, you’re it.

 

I’m gonna go deeper in the water here.  ‘Cause what if…here’s the thing; I don’t want Lady Witch…here, come here.  Come here a little closer, Wiltz.  I don’t want Lady Witchbeard to hear this, but I love…you could probably see it on my face.  I love…look at me in the water.  Does the water feel the same way about me as I feel about it?  Daw, I could see you love the water very much.  I could see…yeah, I could see you having…the water likes you.  It does.  I mean, it’s not quite that conscious, but yeah, you love the water, huh?  What’s happening?  You’re getting…you’re stuck in a air bubble now and there’s no water in there.  Here, I’m gonna push you out of the water, too, just to…you’re not…what have you done, Daw?  That was Lady Witchbeard; she’s over there, standing there.

 

Can you let Don Dankle out of the clam, please?  Oh, the clam’s just opening up.  ‘Cause you’re sealed off from the water, so you got no…that’s like…this is straight from his…a movie.  Okay.  So, yeah, that’s…well, good job, Daw.  Hey, Don Dankle.  So, Daw, we should be honest with you; Don Dankle and I, we never had any intention of getting Wiltz’s help.  We were gonna use Wilt as a bargaining chip and take Wilt back with us, and figure out who we should deal with; Brandy or the conqueror to prevent the sealing…to change the tide.  Oh, so you didn’t tell me ‘cause I’m not good at keeping secrets, huh?  I just didn’t know if you’d feel comfortable with it, Daw.  But Wilt, I think you should know it now too because now you’ve kind of helped us understand that that probably won’t work.

 

Some part of you must know that what you’re gonna do won’t work, either.  You can’t isolate yourself from things, so you’re not…we’re not gonna lower the bubble or anything.  So, I think the four of us should work together now and find a way to come up with a plan so that we can put a stop to this…what’s happening up there, and find a way out of here.  What do you think, Wiltz?  So basically, you’re giving me a choice.  You’re helping me.  I know, Lady Witchbeard, and you don’t have to let me out of my bubble now.  Eventually you probably will.  I know part of me knew it was wrong, and I didn’t really know everything that you’re saying, and part of me does feel like you could be right, that the whole sea could be destroyed.  I just didn’t…so, you’re right, and you don’t have to trust me right now.

 

If I have the choice between being a bargaining chip or being an active participant in saving the seas that I love, not just one sea but all seas…I kinda saw things through Daw’s eyes, too.  So, yeah, let’s work together.  Let’s rest ‘cause…and then work together.  Does that sound good?  It sounds great.  Don Dankle, what do you think?  Yeah, I think we should just lie down and get some rest, and come up with a plan, and slowly build trust once…maybe once we’re out of the…we gotta figure out a way to do the impossible, but we’ll figure it out between the four of us, I think.  Yeah, thanks, Don Dankle.

 

Thanks, Daw.  Thanks, Wilt.  We’ll figure this out.  Go ahead, Wilt.  Yeah, there’s even more stuff that I didn’t tell you, but we do have to figure out to do the impossible, ‘cause I don’t know how to get outta here.  I wasn’t keeping that…I wasn’t faking that part, either.  So, that was kinda also part of my thing, was trying to get the three of you to relent.  But you’re probably right, that we could do it if we set our minds to it, but I’m so sleepy now that I’ll rest with all of you in my bubble of air.  I can breathe through my lungs or my skin, which is nice.  Goodnight.  Goodnight, goodnight, everybody, and we’ll be on our adventure again soon.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

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