1002 – Foggy to Froggy | Lady Witchbeard Ep 6

Notable Language:

• Longitudinal Racks
• Newty Poo
• A Ribbit-Off

Notable Culture:

• “Rocky Raccoon”
• Tales from Earthsea – Ursula K. Le Guin
• “It’s Not Easy Being Green”

Notable Talking Points:

• An undercurrent of currants and vanilla
• Be respectful of the fog
• Wallow down in the mud

Episode 1002 – Foggy to Froggy | Lady Witchbeard Ep. 6

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and my patron peeps, hello, my patron peeps.  What do you say we get on with the show?

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  Could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about on your mind from the past or the present or the future.  Could be physical sensations, anything your body’s telling you in a subtle or not so subtle way.  Could be feelings from the past, present or future too, or a not so subtle sleeper next to you, whether it’s a human or a furried friend, or a friend with fur.

 

They’re not always the best bed mates, and all of them seem to snore.  You say…I mean, with…I say, I can hear Koa; I can hear you snore in the other room.  It just makes my heart warm because I love you so much and having that distance, but not everybody’s so lucky than to have a dog that loves sleeping in their daughter’s bed.  But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company while you drift off.  That’s my job.  That’s what this podcast is, so what I propose to do here…I’m gonna try to create a safe place, like I said, where you could set all that aside, and you could set it aside while you…before you enter, once you enter, or after you enter.  We’ve got…you know, I’ve talked about all the cubbies we have, but we also have racks.

 

We have overhead racks and underhead racks and plenty of other…holy cow; vertical, horizontal, long…do you know where the first safe place with longitudinal racks and latitudinal ones…?  I don’t even know what that means.  I just talk to the great rack makers of the world.  I said, rack makers, rack makers, make us multiple types of racks that…especially racks that have not been invented yet.  You may see that in one of the other Marvel movies that doesn’t ever get released.  ‘Cause I had to go into the fanfiction machine and into the world of Guardians of the Galaxy, and it turns out that only Thor can call…I forgot the name.  I wanted to call it Ratchet, but the one person whose name I can’t even remember.  It doesn’t like to be called Rabbit or whatever Thor was calling it.

 

Also, when you forget its name and it’s a sentient being from another world…I mean, I said well, you just call me Starboard if you want.  They said well, this is a spaceship so we couldn’t use that ‘cause it would be terribly confusing.  I said, I don’t know why…I don’t even know what starboard means, anyway.  But I said…you know when you went to find that…Thor’s thing in the middle of that one movie?  Is there some sort of planet like that or a universe like that where they make racks, where I could say rack makers, rack makers, make me a rack?  Then they said something about racket, then some part of my brain said oh, you’re in the middle of starting a…you’re in the middle of starting a intro to a sleep podcast.  I said oh, boy.  I was hoping I would think of the name of that.

 

I said, how do I forget the name of that every single time?  I’m so sorry.  Something said Rocky, but it’s not Rocky.  I said, that’s from a Beatles song so that’s not correct, either.  Are you sure it’s not Ratchet?  It’s something…I thought it was something like that.  You got…let’s not get into it ‘cause I’ll forget all their names.  I say, Ratchet and Clank; I’m familiar with that.  So anyway, sorry about that.  What I’m gonna try to do is create a safe place.  What I was trying to say is we got these new longitudinal and latitude…change in…they said actually, he’s a fan of My Brother, My Brother and Me, so you can’t say changes in latitude, changes in your ‘tude, because I said that’s already a song and it’s actually technically…the restaurant uses it and you already used another song in there.

 

I said well, our latitude…our…put…our ladnutudinal…I can’t even speak anyway, so it doesn’t matter.  I was gonna say something about our latitudinal racks.  Changing your attitude to the max?  We could probably say that, though.  Oh, but I gotta get back to the…so, yeah, so, I’m gonna try to create a safe place by sending my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents.  You just witnessed a bunch of those in a row.  Yeah, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, all to take your mind off of stuff and put you to sleep.  Why?  Because you deserve a good night’s sleep.  That’s why.  Really.  You might be new and you might say, is this a bunch of fluff?  No, no; you really deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

You deserve a place where you can get some rest, and that’s why I make this show, because if you get the rest you need, your life’s gonna be better, and that’s important to me.  It’s also important to me to intervene if I can, because I know how it feels on the other side, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  All of those things I check off on the old check box.  Temperature not suitable for sleeping anywhere on planet Earth; got that one, too.  Can hear my dog snoring in the other room; check that box.  Whatever’s keeping you awake, that’s…I’ve been there.  Maybe not everything, but I know how it feels.  That’s why I call it the deep, dark night.

 

You deserve a place and a bedtime you could either look forward to or at least feel…is that…and feel ambivalent about; is that a good thing?  I’m not exactly sure…versus dreading it.  So, that’s why I make the show.  You really are important.  That’s why I make the show.  Now, the other things…after I say that, I gotta tell you…I gotta give you some heads-ups, though; this podcast does not work for everybody.  It actually doesn’t work for most people, and the people it works for say it takes two or three tries to get used to the show because it’s so different.  I mean, you just maybe just got to know me over the past eight minutes and you say okay, you’re different, clearly.  Is it Rocket?  Is that the name of it?  Did I say that?  I think it is Rocket, the…Rocket the raccoon being.  So, at least I got that sorted out.

 

But, what was my other point, is…what else did I not have sorted out?  So…oh, what do you need to know if you’re new that’s different about the show?  This is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  You don’t have to listen.  You could just kinda barely listen if you want.  You could lie there, you can listen, but listening is optional, and at first it’s probably preferable to kinda look at the podcast like it’s clouds drifting by.  So, just listen loosely if you can, but that takes some getting used to ‘cause you’re used to listening to stuff and trying to make sense of it.  This podcast, mostly nonsense.  The rest of it, a mix…if it’s not nonsense, that means I’m mixed up trying to remember stuff or going off-topic.  So, it’s a podcast you don’t listen to, also does not really put you to sleep.  I’m here to keep you company while you drift off.

 

I’m your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your Bordian of the Galaxy, your Starbored…oh, Star…yeah, no, Starbored.  Yeah, that’s what they said; we’re gonna…they said this is the vacuum of space but we’re gonna still send you off starboard.  I said, I feel like Goldie Hawn.  Oh boy, do I, and they didn’t get that joke.  I said, I think James Gunn would…probably got that one, but they looked at me quizzically.  Anyway, back to…let’s take…let’s leave the fanfiction aside here.  So…oh, it’s a podcast you don’t really fall asleep to.  I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and then suddenly, ideally, you drift off.  Now, the good news is if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end to keep you company.

 

That’s really my most important goal, is to keep you company so you don’t have to listen to me.  I’m your one friend you could call on and you don’t gotta pay me any attention, any mind.  So, that’s…so, I think that’s…okay, don’t listen to me, no…don’t…no need to pay any attention, I won’t really put you to sleep, I’ll just keep you company…oh, structure of the show.  Show’s very…structured very different than most things, [00:10:00] and that’s intentional.  Starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel welcome and invited in and seen, because you’re important and your sleep’s important.

 

Then there’s support, listener support, community support, and support for the show so that you feel supported, you have some options, and the podcast can be free and come out twice a week.  Then there’s the intro which goes on and on and on.  The intro is like a show within a show that never ends and never gets started, or it could feel like that if you’re new and you’re waiting for it to get started.  But the intro serves a very deliberate purpose; it gives you time to wind down.  It’s different every time so whatever parts of you are keeping you awake don’t know what to expect.  That way you can barely kinda listen.  If it was the same every time, you’d go from barely barely listening and then saying wait a second, if we’re barely barely listening, then either we’ve turned into Yogi the Bear or a Care Bear or…why are we barely barely listening?

 

I thought we were barely kinda listening.  So, that’s why the intro is different every time.  The reason it goes on and on and on, kind of, for ten to twenty minutes is to give you a transition period from your daytime to when you want to be asleep.  Some listeners, 3%, skip the intro.  The rest of the listeners use it in different ways as a part of their wind-down routine.  Some percentage of listeners are falling asleep.  Oh, don’t they look so cute right now.  But most listeners are either getting ready for bed or they’re in bed getting comfortable or they’re doing some sort of other evening wind-down activity.  So, that’s the intro, a landing pad for bedtime.  Then there’s business between the intro and the show, and again, that’s what…that’s how I’m able to be here for you twice a week.

 

Every episode’s over an hour for free…sponsors.  Then there will be our story.  Tonight it will be an episodically modular series with a touch of seriality, Lady Witchbeard.  Speaking of Gamora that we didn’t speak of, but Lady Witchbeard is also green, and I’d say they both could buckle a swash without a problem.  They could swash a buckle, either one of them.  So, that’s that part.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end, so that’s the structure of the show.  That’s why I make the show.  It is a bit different but I’m glad you’re here.  I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do this for you free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, Scoots here, and it’s time for our episodically modular series with a touch of seriality, with a hint of seriality, an undercurrent of currants and vanilla, and just the essence of figs because oh boy, do figs make so many things better.  I wouldn’t say everything better, but figs are great.  But what was I saying?  Oh, it’s time for our…I thought maybe I was introducing the podcast.  I’m introducing a series.  So, it’s time for our episodically modular series Tales of Lady Witchbeard, and maybe I’ll let Daw catch you up on what’s happened so far, so don’t worry; if this is your first episode, you’ll know everything you need to know.  But basically alls you need to know is Lady Witchbeard…I think I said ‘know’ wrong, but alls you could…oh, all…it might be helpful to know Lady Witchbeard is a witch and a pirate.

 

She was born in a witch world, she moved to a pirate world or a pirate realm, and she’s awesome, as you could imagine, and she’s traveling the…currently she’s in the world…I guess I will catch you up, of the world of the thirteen seas with Daw, her sidekick, and Don Dankle, who she was once Don Dankle’s apprentice; no longer.  They’re in search of someone named Brandy who they found and lost before, a mysterious person named Brandy.  Also, there’s something about the man who loved the sea who’s connected to Brandy.  I think they thought they were gonna rescue Brandy or something.  I’m not exactly 100% sure, but Brandy turned the tables on them, took their ship, took the pirates that were part of Don Dankle’s crew, and that’s all they’ve really…other than that, it’s very Sleep With Me series so far.

 

They’ve gone, they’ve discovered a ship with mining equipment, they followed that ship more or less, they found out that the ship was mining some sort of root as opposed to mining gold or something.  But they said this root is worth more than gold to someone.  We don’t know whom.  Then they went to Library Island to find out more, and they dealt with a sentient book, but that was when Brandy turned the tables on them.  So, she seems to be up to something.  Not sure what she’s up to, either.  She’s looking for some other ingredient, Newty-Poo, like the poo of newts I think is what Newty-Poo is.  It could be also a candy.  People name candy stuff like that.  They say, what are you eating?  Oh, a Newty-Poo, man.  It’s the best.  Oh, is that like UnicornDroppings?  I say, I don’t know, I haven’t had that one.

 

Sounds not delicious but intriguing and could be delicious.  How’s Newty-Poo?  Eh, it’s…I got the generic one.  I didn’t get 100% Sleep With Me brand Newty-Poo.  It also sounds strange saying it too many times, so…but UnicornDroppings, they say, couldn’t you come up with anything flashier?  No, people had trademarked all…the more…all the other ones.  The only trademark left for me was UnicornDroppings, one word, unfortunately.  Turns out no one wanted to buy it anyway ‘cause it was an…another imaginary product.  Oh, where…oh, so they’re…so, I don’t know, not much happened.  So, right now…or before where we are now, Brandy left with the pirates and the ship, Lady Witchbeard’s ship, or Don…no, Don Dankle’s ship.

 

Lady Witchbeard’s ship had sunk and her crew was absorbed with Don Dankle’s crew who I would presume is now Brandy’s crew or someone else’s crew.  Oh, there was also another shipload of pirates, so there’s probably two shiploads of pirates out there with Brandy doing something related to either Newty-Poo or a binding agent.  Then Lady Witchbeard, Don Dankle, and Daw are at Library Island.  They were resting and I guess they’re probably gonna try to…I don’t know what they’re gonna do.  So, I guess we could find out more.  Here’s our Hollywood announcer who drives all the way from Los Angeles area, he wants me to say, not that that’s…that’s not throwing shade at anything.  He just wanted me to be more general.  Well, is it the region?  The Los Angeles region?  The Greater Los Angeles area.

 

Okay, Greater Los Angeles area.  Wouldn’t it be…couldn’t we say Los Angeles metropolitan area or Los Angeles metropolitan region?  He’s now rolling his eyes with me which makes my heart aflutter, who when he rolls his eyes, swallows swoon.  I don’t know if they’re in Capistrano.  Is that where they’re…is that in Los Angeles, the Greater Los Angeles region?  He shrugged.  Without further ado, it’s our Hollywood announcer who in his spare time…this is his one hobby because it takes up all his time.  Twice a month he drives all the way up here and sits in his car ‘til I text him that he may come in.  I say, how did you know I texted you if I told you to keep your phone inside three socks on vibrate?  Then he says, hardy-har-har.

 

So, without further ado, the one, the only, the amazing…and Mr…sorry, Mr. Antonio Banderas.  Thank you Scooter for that intro…that introduction, for sure.  The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time for the tales of Lady Witchbeard.  Yeah.  [SWOOSHING SOUND] Wow, was that like someone…sounded like that was some sort of metallic power.  It was…they were swinging.  Oh, okay.  That’s what I…do you want to try a take…do another take on that?  It’s Tales of Lady Witchbeard.  Whoosh.  Yeah.  Okay, that was perfect, but we’ll put both of those takes in so the listeners can kinda have…[00:20:00] they can bask in your glory.  Get that?  That was a move…that was half of a movie you were in.  I didn’t get that, but thank you.  Alright, that’s Mr. Antonio Banderas.  This is Tales of Lady Witchbeard.

 

So, Don Dankle, what are you reading?  What are you…Don Dankle…oh, sorry, Don Dankle.  I didn’t meant to interrupt you.  I was just interrupting you to see what you were reading ‘cause I was just wondering if you’ve ever read the Wizard of Earthsea, ‘cause that’s what I feel like right now.  I was gonna…’cause Lady Witchbeard won’t really speak to me.  She’ll only speak…but she’s make…she’s…oh, she…sorry Lady Witchbeard; go ahead.  Don Dankle, have you found anything that’s useful in your myths?  No, Lady Witchbeard.  I’m still looking, and I do need to focus ‘cause it’s hard.  Believe it or not, it is hard to read on a rocking, small boat.  This boat that we’re in is very small.  It’s a good thing the library had it.

 

Also, I guess very similar to Daw, I have never been in a spell-powered craft where we’re…are we going by…would you call it a spell wind or wind spell?  It’s a wind spell, Don Dankle.  Yeah, so I’ve never been propelled by a wind spell before.  Also the idea that Daw is running the rudder…I realize you have to focus on the spell-casting while I focus on getting to know these myths to try to help since we have all this time.  Lady Witchbeard, it would be a huge help though if you would interact with Daw for me so that I can focus on these books.  Just for the quest, for the love of piracy, please interact with Daw so I can get back to my books.  Okay, Don Dankle.  What I believe is…I could have made you my apprentice but I think we are pretty much equals here on this craft, but equals with different roles, currently.

 

So, I will try to put up with…so Daw, just…I do need you to focus just on that compass, so don’t take your eyes off the compass.  Please don’t look at me when I’m addressing you.  I realize it can be tedious, but I do need you to…that line that I put on the compass, that’s where I need you to head for while I kinda focus.  Now, and if we both…if you agree to keep focused on that, we could speak to one another.  Okay, Lady Witchbeard, I’m focused and yeah, I’m pretty good at rudder…I mean, what is this called?  Am I running the rudder?  I wish we had a boat with one of those big…what are those called?  Ships’ wheels or whatever?  Steering?  It’s not…it’s called…it is a ruddering wheel.

 

Is it a ruddering wheel or…I mean, sometimes…every once in a while I do get mixed up that I gotta go the opposite direction, but I think because…like you said, Lady Witchbeard, no sudden movements.  I’m on it.  I do have it down.  I do think I need to change my arms every once in a while, but now I forgot all the questions.  I mean, I mostly have questions for Don Dankle about Wizard of Earthsea.  I mean, I guess what I could…we could talk about what our plan is, because…oh yeah, I guess I have questions about this mysterious strait we’re going into, because every time…my only frame of reference would be the Bermuda Triangle, the way you were all talking about it.  What is it called, the Mysterious Straits? The Strange Straits?  You know, when I was a kid, the straits were the ones…it was a different straits they ran.

 

I think it was the James E. Strates Show.  They ran the midway that I would go to as a kid at the New York State Fair.  Thank you, Daw.  So, Daw, I do know what the Bermuda Triangle is ‘cause you told me about it while you were talking outside my window one day years ago.  This is different.  So, this strait connects to the big seas.  It’s always been…I can explain to you what I think, which is probably what the truth is, but I could be wrong.  I don’t want to put any ideas in your head.  So, this…the reason this strait is so famous is because it’s so frustrating, because it cuts through a very large landmass connecting two of the thirteen seas.  But the strait is always bathed in fog because of the weather patterns and the temperatures of the two seas, and it’s a somewhat narrow strait.

 

Now it’s wide enough for ships to go through, but not in the fog.  But every few years someone gets it in their mind that they can get through the strait, and that then they will map it in a way or chart it in a way that it will become navigable.  That never has proved to be successful, but to answer your Bermuda Triangle questions, one of the ways they try to prove it is they send wood through or other things through, and they could observe them passing through.  I don’t think they always realize that the change and the flow between the two seas is bidirectional and seasonal and weather-based, but not the same every season, which some of the things in your world, Daw, are similar.  Like, behaviors…weather…of weather patterns.

 

There’s always the idea, particularly among certain bootstrapping-style pirates that they’re gonna be the first ones to do it and they know better than the warnings.  So, there really isn’t a mystery…the only mystery is what would you do it?  It doesn’t work.  Well, it’s gonna save two month’s time and if our company controls the traffic through the strait or the maps in the passage, that we would instantly become super wealthy because it would become a area where commerce could be done.  What I did not know, Daw, was that somewhere in the strait…in the fog which would be easy to miss is yet another…but it’d make sense; other canyons or tributaries where some of the water from the landmasses on either side would naturally flow into the strait and into the seas.

 

It turns out that one of these ravines or canyons or crevices somewhere along this strait…and according to this map we have which is not super…it’s just a hand-drawn thing; somewhere on the strait…I’m assuming on the left side…I’ll use your terminology.  Okay, we won’t use star word…starboard or leeward or any of those.  But that that’s where this canyon or strait is that has this material that we believe Brandy needs or is looking for.  We’re gonna get there.  We’re gonna get there first because I think we haven’t seen them in the sea, but the ways…the way the winds are behaving currently, they would have had to go much south of here and then come in along the coast to avoid…they just can’t travel by the wind spell.  So, we’re gonna get there and we’re gonna get there first.

 

I’m not exactly sure what we’re going to do.  I’ll be honest with you, Daw.  You could see; here comes…you could see the fog kinda spilling out.  Just sitting off the coast, it just looks like a strange mini-bank of…mini-fog bank.  Okay, Lady Witchbeard, let me ask you some questions, though.  So, boats go in and they don’t come back out.  Is that correct?  That’s correct, Daw, but there has been parts of boats that have been found coming out, so it doesn’t…the boats…not all ships or boats that go into the Strange Straits disappear all the way.  There’s no radio.  So, this isn’t gonna be as cool as going into the Bermuda Triangle.  It’s just gonna be going into something foggy.  Correct, Daw.  So, how are we…if…[00:30:00] well, how is Brandy…and then how are we going to navigate the strait?

 

We have a smaller boat but even what you’re saying is no boats have made it through?  No boats that we know of, Daw.  So, how are we gonna make it through there?  Well, Daw, I’ve been thinking about that a lot and I have an idea.  Don Dankle, I’m gonna need you to put your books down because this is gonna be a three-person idea and it’s gonna take some teamwork.  Don Dankle, you’re gonna be a big part of this plan.  Okay, Lady Witchbeard.  I don’t really have any new information from what I’ve been reading other than…well, go ahead, Lady Witchbeard.  Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking; as Daw said, we can’t just go in there without…it’s too risky to just go in there.  Part of me wants to wait just inside the fog and see what Brandy does, but I think that again, they could easily see us.

 

They have a full two ships and they could easily do away with our little craft.  We’d also have to deal with the shore.  It’d just be…we don’t have a powerful enough anchor to just sit there.  Even then, I don’t know if it would work.  I don’t know how long it’s gonna take them.  My goal currently is to find this crevice and then assess things, or this canyon.  So, here’s what I’m thinking; we’ll create a balloon ‘cause Daw…I know Daw loves balloons, don’t you, Daw?  I mean, I guess, yeah.  Oh, sure, Lady Witchbeard, I love balloons.  I can…don’t worry, I can create a balloon that’ll float up in the air.  We have some sacks that…those water sacks that we got from the library.  Those are watertight.  That means they’re also mostly airtight.  So, we’re gonna have a balloon?

 

We’ll send a balloon up and towards the top of the balloon…we’ll have the balloon reach up above the fog, and at the top of the balloon we will also tie a piece of twine and that attaches to the spool of twine we have here.  These are supplies we got from the library.  Up in the sky above us…and…will be someone flying who I know does not like heights but is the only person I would trust to fly right now just because I feel like if I leave Don Dankle and Daw in the boat…I don’t know.  I think I have a general idea.  I can kind of control the boat a little bit, right?  So, you…so, Don Dankle basically…I know you don’t like flying or the idea of it, but you’ll be fine.  You’ll actually just be looking at a pillowy cloud of fog; you won’t be looking at the ground.  You could just fly up above the fog and imagine you’re very close to a pillow.

 

You will be holding the string that’s attached to the balloon and letting the string slowly run out.  Okay, Lady Witchbeard.  I understand so far.  From up there, you should be able to see where…you should be able to see…no one’s tried this as a bird because I’m the only one that I know of in the thirteen seas that could be a bird.  I guess no one’s been looking for this crevice either, but…so, you should be able to see the places where the fog breaks off.  So, you’re gonna look at the biggest one.  This one should be…I mean, according to this map, it looks like it leads…it looks like it’s longer than any of the other tributaries on this map.  It’s the longest canyon.  So, look for a small vein of fog that should dissipate eventually, and then land there.  Then pull at the balloon.  Okay, Lady Witchbeard.  Then what are you going to do?

 

Well, then I’m gonna…Daw and I will follow the string and at the same time, I will be using some magic to make sure we get there.  Again, it’s a one-time use.  It’s not like we’re map…I want to be respectful of the fog.  So, I’ll be working with the fog instead of trying to overpower the fog or cut through the fog.  I’ll be communicating with the fog, basically, and I know Daw might have Earthsea questions; can I befriend the fog?  Please Daw, it’s gonna take a lot of focus for me.  So, how does that sound, everybody?  Does that sound like a plan?  That sounds like a plan to me, Lady Witchbeard.  Lady Witchbeard, as Don Dankle, I trust your judgement.  I’m not looking for…what kind of bird will I be?  Will he be some sort of crow, Lady Witchbeard?

 

No, no, no.  Don Dankle, you’re gonna be a…you’ll be a raptor because I need you to be powerful and I also need you to have those big feet to be able to hold onto this spool.  The stick will be in-between it, so you just hold onto the stick on either side, and that’s it.  Maybe use one of your thumb-type feet to control it rolling out so you don’t take out too much string at once.  Alright, Lady Witchbeard, I’m ready.  Okay, Don…Daw…okay, I’ll just use my motions and I’m gonna put this paste on your back and…there you go.  Then just wait for us and tug on the balloon and we’ll be there.  Okay, Lady Witchbeard.  I’ll see you soon.  Lady Witchbeard, I don’t quite understand the mechanics of this.

 

Okay, Daw, I’m gonna start us heading towards…I’m gonna be talking to the fog silently, not in a way that you’ll be able to hear it, but I’ll be communicating with the fog.  Lady Witchbeard, will it help you if I talk in a positive way and brainstorm?  ‘Cause I know sometimes having another part of your mind occupied helps you focus.  Okay, Daw.  You could do that.  That’s fine.  I’ll be focusing so I probably won’t be answering you.  Okay, great, Lady…so, Lady Witchbeard, I guess my first question is…well, this is cool.  We’re surrounded by fog already.  It’s a good thing you told us all to bundle up.  But I do wonder if I need to apologize for being…me being me or if we could get to a point of where we all accept one another right for ourselves.

 

Then I was thinking about…maybe sometimes my goals and my intentions get in the way and I create obstacles where there aren’t obstacles.  Also I was thinking about the movie The Worst Witch, Lady Witchbeard.  I don’t know, maybe we talked about it before.  I don’t really remember anything about it other than the…Tim Curry sings in it part and that he’s flying, but I think he has sticks in his cape.  I said huh, that’s interesting.  Yeah, I think he has sticks in his cape just so when he flies he looks more birdlike, but he’s not a bird like Don Dankle.  But I don’t really remember anything else.  Then the…it’s like, there was almost a music video.  But sometimes I feel like the worst witch even though I’m not a witch.  I was just trying to figure out that magic.

 

But then I was thinking too, Lady Witchbeard, as far as trying to help you focus and come up with ideas is what do you…like, what are we doing?  I’m really confused by it.  I’m trying to figure out, Lady Witchbeard, what you want, what that has to do with Brandy, before and now Brandy, and if I was answering for you and guessing, I’d say okay, Lady Witchbeard would say I want to be a pirate, Daw.  I’m a pirate.  I’m a pirate and I’m a witch; I’m a pirate-witch.  I’m a witch-pirate.  I’d say okay, Lady Witchbeard, so what do you want to do?

 

Because most of the time we’ve spent together, you’ve either been at a bed and breakfast recouping or on adventures that I wouldn’t say go so much with piracy, like dealing with Hernan Cortez and saying hey, stop what you’re…even though that wasn’t even in the exact…I don’t know, that was in some other different, whatever, timeline or something.  Then now with Brandy…like, here’s what I remember; I played you the Brandy song and you said huh, this is familiar.  This is a myth [00:40:00] from the pirate realm.  Maybe the witch realm?  I don’t remember.  You said okay, Brandy was a man who loved…who loved the man who loved the sea.  So, we should go and help her find the man who loved the…the man she loved who loved the sea apparently more than her.

 

Even then, I wasn’t exactly clear on what the plan was.  Like, were we going to…were you mad at the man who loved the sea more than Brandy?  I said, it doesn’t seem like it.  Did you just want to help Lady Witch…I mean, did you just want to help Brandy?  Is there some sort of like…do you love the idea of love but you cover it up with a thick veneer?  Then there was the whole thing with the guild and you being an apprentice pirate and not wanting to be an apprentice pirate.  Then I was like well, maybe Lady Witchbeard…I just kinda threw you off ever since…but again, you say…I said well, if you didn’t want me around, you would have just…you would have done more than just ignore me.  You would have said Daw, you’re fired.  So, I don’t know.  That’s what I’m confused about.

 

Then I said well, no; Lady Witchbeard likes a quest or a mission, and Brandy was a quest.  Help her find the…I said wait a second, she’s saying that Brandy lives in our world but the man who loves the sea had been in our…my world and your world, the thirteen seas and the land of…I don’t know how many seas I have in my world.  I can never remember.  I would always miss one anyway on the tests.  Seven seas?  I think maybe that’s what they say.  Maybe there was some…maybe it was…maybe I’m looking for all the answers.  It said well, there’s a bunch of answers that are adding up; adventure…when you’re on an adventure you could do pirate stuff, you get to be on the sea.  If you were in the middle of a mission, the Pirate Guild would have probably ignored you.  You love that kinda stuff more than anything.

 

Then there’s kinda the idea that maybe it was a quest that doesn’t have an answer.  Like, maybe that’s part of the thing.  It’s like, an impossible quest.  Finding the man who loved the sea and reuniting…I say, what if they don’t get along?  What if…so, maybe it’s one of those things.  But I don’t know.  I guess you’re focusing on the fog.  I could see your lips moving, even, but…so, I couldn’t figure out if you’re after Brandy or the adventure or piracy or the man who loved the sea or exposing a myth or investigating a myth.  Now Don…you got Don Dankle reading all these books of myth.  But then it’s like one of those things…like, well, what does Lady Witchbeard really want?  Because sometimes I get busy, you know?  Then I say, my…that’s a trope almost, but then it’s true.

 

You’re like, are you busy because you don’t want to be not busy?  But then I said well, no.  Lady Witchbeard just spent however long you’re at the bed and breakfast for that I was getting on your nerves being by yourself and not busy and reflecting or whatever.  So, you probably came to some peace with something during that.  Then it dawned on me; well, what do I want?  I guess for me, adventure is a bit of a strong word.  Then maybe I’m projecting; maybe…yeah, I say well, if I’m not in…if I’m in this pirate realm, I’m not in my realm where I gotta do stuff like figure out which bills while I’m gone I didn’t turn on auto-pay for, but I’ll…I guess I’ll deal with that when it’s over.

 

But for me it was like, looking for that feeling I get when I’m around you, Lady Witchbeard, and when I’m outside of my comfort zone, but you give me some direction or some comfort with your missions or whatever.  That’s exciting and there’s a lot of other feelings there, but you’re always competent where I’m not so competent, you know?  I say okay, well, I guess go along with Lady Witchbeard’s adventures.  Then I said, does it even matter?  Then I said well, isn’t it deep down, we’re all driven by love?  Love of one another or love of piracy?  Isn’t that the same thing?  I say well, not exactly.  Or reuniting Brandy with her love.  But I say, is that really gonna happen?  I mean, I say, and the man who loved the sea…I say, who’s the man who loved the sea?  Is that some sort of made-up excuse or is that real?

 

Then I say well, maybe this is just something curious to you.  Why does…are you almost…Lady Witchbeard, are you almost done?  ‘Cause I said well, there’s a curious…and then Brandy kinda went off on her own and she seems to have some other agenda.  Oh, so Lady Witchbeard, the balloon is moving.  So, I don’t know.  I just wanted to point that out to you ‘cause it…but it seems like you’re moving the boat in that direction, too.  There’s really a lot of fog here.  Holy moly.  Oh, but…okay, now it’s moving even more to the left, that balloon, or the string.  I guess I’m just guessing by the movement of the string.  Can’t even see the balloon, but I feel like I can see it.  So, you’re moving the boat to the left now.  Are you gonna need to rest for a while after using all this magic?

 

But I guess you have ingredients that you got from the library.  It’s cool; they had…they didn’t have a spell library but they had that seed library and the dried…whatever that other stuff…an apothecary but it was called something else.  Tool library.  You had a laugh about that, huh Lady Witchbeard, when I said well, I remember using the tool library in Berkeley.  She’s…tool-lending library.  Oh, so that must be the ravine.  Lady Witchbeard, have you ever heard of that…there’s like…I think it’s Bryce Canyon, or there’s another one.  I don’t know if a lot of people take Instagram pictures there, but people used to always post pictures of them going on this thing.  You had to make a reservation and you could go…only go on this hike for a few hours a day.  Don’t think it was Bryce Canyon, though.

 

I think it was…no, yeah, I think it was…Bryce Canyon and Zion Canyon are the two of them.  So, I guess we won’t see any UFO.  The fog’s starting to dissipate and there’s a beautiful eagle.  Oh, it transformed already into Don Dankle.  Oh, hi, Don Dankle.  It’s just me and Lady Witchbeard.  It’s good to see you.  What was it like flying as an…I don’t know if you were an eagle or a hawk or what.  You flew like an eagle though, or not to the sea.  Daw, thank you.  It was very nice.  It was enjoyable.  Yeah, I think this is the canyon, but by the picture in the book, I don’t know what we’re looking for other than that it’s up this canyon after the fog where we are now.  So, I’m just trying to figure out what…what should we do now?  That’s a great question, Don Dankle.  Daw, thank you for helping me focus.  Yeah, I don’t know what we should do.

 

There’s nowhere I can see where we can hide.  I was trying to figure out a way to figure out if we could figure out when they’re coming, so that we could…I don’t know how they’re planning on getting through the fog, so I was like, how are we gonna figure this out?  But we’re here where they want to be, so we definitely have the advantage.  Yes, Lady Witchbeard, we do.  We just don’t have anywhere to hide.  I mean, there’s just…I mean, and these rocks are all different colors and the sand is all different colors, so it’s gotta be one of these layers of stuff, I’m guessing.  Yeah, I’m guessing, Don Dankle, that has something to do with the…right at the…one of these rocks or substances interacts with the fog and the sun in a way that changes its composition into what binding agent they’re looking for, some sort of natural process that’s very rare, because where else would you be?

 

Just a very specific thing inside and outside of the fog.  So, yeah.  I’m not exactly sure what to do because…Don Dankle, do you have any ideas, or Daw?  [00:50:00] I mean, it’d be great if we could get…we could dress as pirates and then wait for them and then pretend we’re with them.  Okay, thank you, Daw.  Yeah, Lady Witchbeard, I would say we should get rid of the boat.  I don’t know if we could use the strings in the balloons as some sort of early…some sort of…string them across the strait.  It would get caught in their rafters.  Or if the balloon height is similar where you would be able to see the tops of the ships…and then Lady Witchbeard, I also…I guess I’m with Daw.  I’m not exactly sure what our plan is.  Yeah, Don Dankle, I don’t have a plan, either.

 

I think we’re trying to think together, the three of us, and this is helpful because I’m starting to think of things.  But what our need is, maybe that’s what you’re asking.  Our goal is to get more information.  What we do need to know is what’s happening.  The pirate guilds are closed.  All these pirates joined up with Brandy.  The guild was…had some vague warning about Brandy.  So, Brandy seems to be interested in collecting this ingredient and the Newty-Doo for someone.  I’m guessing; I guess it doesn’t have to be related to the root mining, but I think it must be.  So, we somehow have to gather more information.  Actually, believe it or not, I don’t think either of your ideas is terrible.  Thanks, Lady Witchbeard.  Lady Witchbeard, go on.  I think we could do both.  I will take the boat and try to hide it.

 

I sensed some rocks coming in or just outside, ‘cause I assume they’re gonna be coming in the way we came in at a much slower pace.  What I will do is then I will start to fly and maybe look for any disturbances in the fog or the tops of any masts.  So, then I can try to find out more and then I will try to either get back and warn you or I will try to collect information and listen in.  Okay, but Lady Witchbeard, I don’t think we should…I don’t know if…well, Daw…what was your idea based on Daw’s idea?  Well, I have this other ingredient I was working on, and if you chew this gum that I’ll give to each of you, you can turn into…you’ll turn into frogs.  Oh, great, Lady Witchbeard.  Yeah, so you could just sit here as frogs.  I don’t see any other frogs but that’s probably fine.  Just wait; you could just sit here in the water.

 

Try not to eat too many bugs, Daw.  Lady Witchbeard, this is great.  This reminds me of…makes me feel like the Sword in the Stone a little bit.  Remember when I was telling you about that movie?  A little bit, Daw.  So, yeah, we’ll be frogging around, me and Don Dankle.  Oh, okay, see you, Lady Witchbeard.  She headed off with the boat.  I feel like I’m changing as I’m chewing this…oh, I’m a…Don Dankle, you’re a frog.  I mean, we could still talk to each other, though.  That’s pretty cool.  Oh, germ, you look…you’re quite green.  Thanks.  It’s easy being…it’s not easy being green, but right now it is ‘cause it’s my first time being green.  Am I the same color as Lady Witchbeard?  No, not at all.  Lady Witchbeard has a…you’re a different color than Lady Witchbeard, Daw.

 

You’re more of a…not a grass green; lighter than a green grass.  Oh, that’s about the same color as you.  I guess maybe we look the same.  Maybe we’re the same kind of frogs.  I guess we had the same kind of gum.  Did yours taste a little bit like tar?  It did.  That was the main ingredient in the gum, Daw.  Cool.  So, what do you think?  You want to have a jumping contest or a hopping contest?  Or we could do a ribbet-off, or…I’ve always wanted to see that…what that feels like to blow up the thing…your chin, or…I don’t really want to have a fly…we could have a…we could see…we could try to practice aiming our tongue…oh, Don Dankle, do you hear that?  I did hear that, Daw.  Just…no talking.  Okay, Don Dankle, but I gotta tell you, somebody’s coming down the canyon that sounds pretty loud.  Yes, Daw.

 

Let’s move back over here and just…what if we just…okay, too late.  They’re coming around the corner.  It looks like they’re…it’s a band of pirates.  They’re coming down the canyon.  Arr, arr, arr.  This is what we’re looking for, right at the edge of the fog, just like Brandy…Captain Brandy said.  We’ll just wait for her here.  She said she’d be here along any minute.  Don Dankle, they’re…the pirates are talking to one another.  Yeah they are, Daw.  I don’t think they can hear us talking, though.  Oh, maybe you’re right.  Maybe we’re talking with our minds and not our voices.  That would make more sense since we don’t…anyway Don Dankle, they’re saying Brandy’s coming later…right along to meet up with them and that she was brilliant to send them in the back way but that no one’s here; she expected us to be waiting.

 

Yeah Daw, I can hear them saying that.  So, we should just wait here.  Okay.  Oh, it looks like they’re collecting…she needs only ten buckets full.  They’re already starting to collect the stuff.  Yeah Daw, they are.  It looks like those two are…oh, the…okay, they’re coming over to sit by us.  Don Dankle, those two are talking about their favorite delicacy, and that delicacy is on our bodies.  Okay Daw, what do you propose we do?  We could…here, follow me; we’re gonna wallow in this muck here.  Daw, I don’t know…don’t worry, Don Dankle, we can breathe through our skin, so we just wallow all the way down in the mud and…see?  Can you hear me, Don Dankle?  I can, Daw, ‘cause we’re communicating by some sort of other method.  Oh, this feels good, Don Dankle.

 

They should do this as a spa treatment; turn somebody into a frog and have them wallow in this muck.  I can hear them.  They’re trying to dig to find us.  Oh boy, wait a second, now I hear more voices.  Let’s…maybe if we just…okay, they stopped digging because Lady…I think…oh no, it must be…Brandy’s yelling at them.  Don Dankle, you stay hidden.  I’m gonna pop my eyes above like a…just to look up.  They won’t be able to see me.  Okay Daw, what do you see?  Oh boy, I see our boat and another rowboat.  I see Brandy; she looks a bit like…I don’t know.  She’s a pirate but something…like, I’d say is that a pilgrim pirate or something?  She’s very pirate-like and also, she has a bird in a cage.  I’m guessing that’s Lady Witchbeard.  Okay Daw, what do you propose we do?

 

Here’s the thing, Don Dankle, here’s what I propose we do; see the buckets of the stuff we’re collecting?  We hop in those buckets and we wallow in the binding agent which is just a different form of muck.  Then we’ll relax and then they’ll take us onboard because they already caught Lady Witchbeard.  She looked at me and her eyes blinked and their beak opened.  So, she must not be able to communicate with us.  Okay Daw, so I’ll…okay, so let’s just get in this bucket.  Oh boy, this is even warmer ‘cause it’s warmed by the sun.  Oh man, this is so relaxing, Don Dankle.  Are you in the same bucket as me?  No, I’m in the next bucket to you.  They’re saying this is gonna fetch so much reward but oh boy, this is a reward in a…Don Dankle, can you…you’re right, Daw; this is the most relaxing state I’ve ever been in.

 

It’s like the muck is four or five degrees warmer than us and just enough to relax all the tension I have.  I’m just about to drift off into sleep, and it’s great because I know we’re amphibians.  Yeah Don Dankle, I’m gonna fall asleep, too.  I guess when we wake up, we’ll be on the boat with [01:00:00] Brandy and the pirates and Lady Witchbeard and we’ll have to figure out a new plan.  We will, Daw.  This is nice.  Goodnight.  Goodnight, Don Dankle.  Goodnight, Lady Witchbeard.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)